'My husband is a mamas boy and I can't stand my MIL so I told her she isn't allowed in my home, AITA?'
AITA for telling my mother-in-law she's not special in my house?
Helpful_Intern_4904 says:
My (33F) MIL (67F) lives in another country with her husband. We never got along because she always insists on being the one to make the rules and is overall very controlling. She also disliked me from the start for merely existing. We don't see her very often, thankfully, but whenever we do, it's always pretty stressful.
She is visiting now and staying with us. It's been a week. Normally, my husband deals with her behavior, but he's currently traveling for work and won't be back until tonight. Since my husband left, she's been HORRIBLE.
It's like she's trying to get on my nerves on purpose. I try to keep calm because I know she'll leave in 2 weeks and I won't see her for months again. However, there's been an incident that my husband and I are now fighting about.
My toddler brought a large toy truck to the table. I reminded him, "no toys when we're eating, please put it back in the toy box and you can play with it when you're done eating." My toddler was compliant, but as he was getting off the chair, MIL said, "it's ok, honey, grandma allows it. Your mommy is no fun, isn't she?"
This is not an isolated incident; she's been trying to undermine my parenting ever since my husband left for work (trying to let the kids eat sweets instead of dinner, telling them they can do things I just told them they were not allowed, and so on).
I could not take it anymore and said, "let's not forget grandma is but a guest here. Guests don't make the rules, do they? I'm sure grandma knows who this apartment belongs to. And hotels are so expensive in this area."
I admit my tone was mocking, and I was referring to the fact that I alone own our home (I inherited it from my grandpa). She turned red and called me disrespectful but did not escalate it any further.
That same evening, my husband called me furious, asking how dare I tell his mother she's not welcome here. I told him the full story, and he was still pissed, claiming I should have handled it better and kept the peace. He said he can't even leave for a few days without us getting into a fight in front of the kids.
I told him, "why don't you say that to your mother?" I also told him this is the last time I'm allowing her to stay over. She can stay in a hotel or not come at all if she has to act like this. I refuse to feel so uncomfortable in my own home.
I also told him I'm going to my parents' lake house this weekend because the weather is so nice and I want to relax. However, MIL is not welcome to join. He has 3 options: go with us, try to convince the kids to stay home with him and MIL so that I could go alone, or I go with the kids and he stays with MIL.
He told me it's very rude not to invite MIL. She would love to go to the lake. I said maybe, but she's the one I need a break from. He called me a petty a%^#ole. I sure am petty, but I don't think I'm the a@%^ole here. Never in my life have I started an argument with MIL first. But just in case, AITA?
OP added some context in the comments:
JP19834 says:
100% go to the lake house but you take your kids with you, because I can promise you if your MIL is disrespecting you in front of your kids imagine what she will say to them when you're not around to defend yourself.
OP responded:
I'm sure it's how it's going to be. I gave him options but I also know it's very unlikely he'll be able to convince the kids to stay home with him and MIL. They love going to the lake, grandpa will be there and they have kiddy pool and lots of toys there. I also know he's not going to leave MIL behind so yes, it's most likely going to be him and MIL at home.
princessofireland says:
NTA (Not the A%@$ole)! She’s undermining your authority in your own home with YOUR children. Plus I think she’s not telling your husband the whole truth to everything she’s doing and playing victim here. You go ahead honey and enjoy your weekend at the lake.
OP responded:
She's absolutely not telling the truth. She told him I said she was not welcome here and she should go live in a hotel out of nowhere. He didn't believe it was the full story either. He doesn't even think I'm in the wrong after I told him everything.
His attitude towards it is 'you know how she is, why can't you just suck it up so that I can continue to do nothing about it'. It's infuriating. He just doesn't want to keep confronting her because 'she isn't going to change'. Yet somehow I'm to blame for 'bickering in front of the kids'.
Listen_2learn says:
You should go to the lake alone, no MIL, husband or kids. That woman can be useful and take care of the baby she comes to visit every year. Her baby needs a dose of reality that is dealing with his mother and children at the same time-without your assistance!Don’t forget sunscreen and - your weekend at the lake could also be for the duration of the her visit! YWNBTA.
What do you think?