I’m getting married in six weeks to James (30M), who I genuinely love. He’s kind, funny, supportive—or at least he was until wedding planning turned into what feels like an extended episode of Mean Girls, with his mother, Karen (56F), playing the role of Regina George’s older, scarier, passive-aggressive cousin.
I’ve always been super non-confrontational. Like, I’m the kind of person who says, “Oh no, it’s fine!” when the waiter brings the wrong food because I don’t want to be a bother.
I hate drama. I hate conflict. I’d rather swallow my feelings whole than deal with the awkwardness of an argument. But Karen is turning me into the kind of person who screams into pillows.
At first, I thought she was just the typical overbearing mother. You know, the “no one is good enough for my son” type. But this is… different. She’s not outright rude. It’s worse than that because everything she does is wrapped in this “I’m just being helpful!” package, which makes me feel crazy for even getting upset.
At my bridal shower, she stood up and gave this heartfelt speech, ending with, “I always pictured James with someone more refined, but Sara’s so… fun and casual! It really keeps things interesting.” The whole room laughed, and I sat there wondering if anyone else felt the secondhand sting.
She’s part of this little clique of family friends—think adult “cool moms” who wear matching yoga gear and drink wine like it’s a personality trait. They make me feel like an outsider at my own engagement events. I swear, it’s like I’m back in high school, trying to sit at the lunch table with girls who pretend they don’t hear me.
She gifted me a book called “The Art of Being a Good Wife.” When I awkwardly laughed, she said, “Oh, it’s just a little joke! But marriage can be challenging for women who’ve been so career-focused. Thought you’d appreciate it.” Like… what? Am I supposed to be grateful?
At a family dinner, she glanced at my plate and said, “Wow, you’re not one of those brides obsessed with crash dieting, huh? Good for you!” I didn’t even know how to respond because… was that a compliment? An insult? Both?
She once pulled me aside and said, “Planning a wedding can be overwhelming, especially if you’re not naturally organized. But you’re doing your best, and that’s what matters.” This was after I mixed up ONE vendor appointment. Like, sorry for being human?
She constantly “forgets” basic things about me. She introduces me to people like I’m an afterthought: “This is James’s fiancée… uh, Sara, right? She works… with numbers or something?” I’m a data analyst. I’ve told her this multiple times. She just doesn’t care to remember.
The worst part? James doesn’t see it. Every time I try to talk to him, he says, “That’s just how she is,” or “She doesn’t mean it like that.” He’s not a mama’s boy—he’s just blind to the subtle stuff because he’s grown up with it.
My family? They’re the “keep the peace” type. My mom literally said, “She’s probably just nervous about losing her son. Don’t take it personally.” Like, okay, but why does her anxiety have to become my emotional punching bag?
The only person who’s truly been in my corner is my maid of honor, Lena. She’s the kind of friend who would fight a bear for me. She’s witnessed Karen’s behavior firsthand and has even called her out in the most polite, cutting way imaginable—basically my hero. Shesw also has been gently trying to push me toward standing up for myself.
Now here’s the thing: I’ve seriously considered calling off the wedding. But the idea of doing that? Absolutely terrifying. Not just because I love James, but because dealing with the fallout sounds like my worst nightmare.
The awkward conversations, the disappointment, the feeling of having failed—it’s enough to make me want to crawl under a blanket and never come out. But at the same time, I’m scared of walking down that aisle with this giant pit in my stomach, knowing I ignored every red flag because I was too afraid to speak up.
So, am I overreacting? Is this normal “wedding stress” that everyone deals with? Or am I ignoring something that’s only going to get worse after the vows are said? I just need opinions from people who aren’t biased because I feel like I’m losing my mind here.
Have you told him that you are considering breaking off the wedding?
OP, I am so sorry. Your fiance will never have your back and your future MIL will just get worse because he can't or won't set boundaries. It's time to have an honest conversation so he fully understands how serious this is for you. If he still doesn't see the issue then I think you have your answer.
OP, you have a fiancee problem, not a mil problem. He should be putting the boundaries down with his mother. He should be defending you so you need to at the very least postpone the wedding, so there will be fallout stand your ground because if you don't am afraid it won't be a happy marriage which could bring bigger fall outs involving children.
Be brave, stand your ground now. I say to my daughters, " Know your worth because if you let someone else decide them, you may not like them." Good luck in whatever you choose.
I’d postpone it until you can open his eyes and he steps up. Can you record her? Premarital counseling? It’s a lot easier together away now than it would be once you’re legally married…
I get calling off a wedding can bring a sense of failure, but divorce is 100 times worse in failure feeling stakes. I am sorry you are at this place. Understand that this will not get better after marriage, she will continue to do this and probably double down on the condescending patronization. Do you want to live with that? Treasure yourself, believe in what your heart is telling you and chose your best life forward.