'My mom cheated on my dad and left him for his best friend. I finally found out the truth.' MAJOR UPDATE

The internet is full of conflicts people bring to the internet court of strangers.

"My mom cheated on my dad and left him for his best friend. She made him look like he was the one at fault and and I (23f) developed a resentment towards him. I recently found out what happened and I feel guilty for being an AH to my dad and I want to make it up to him."

My mom had been married to my dad for 9 years before she cheated and left him for his best friend who is my step dad. My father served in the army and his best friend was this rich guy who I saw hanging out with my mom at that time.

During the divorce my mom told me that my dad was ab#sive, controlling and was not there emotionally that's why she was leaving him. She told me that my dad treated her badly, called her names and did not love her. At the time I was only 10 years old. My mum got primary custody and dad was stuck paying child support. I only got to see my dad only 2 weekends per month.

After that I held some resentment towards my dad. I dreaded when it was time to see him. He had sold what used to be our house moved back to his home town opened a mechanic shop and lived in this shop. He was an alc*h*lic who always tried to sober up when I came to stay him. He was miserable, lonely and depressed.

He always tried to clean up his house when I went to stay with him even though it still smelled like alc*hol, g*n powder, gasoline and those car oils. And sometimes I found dirty laundry stashed in the laundry room. When I turned 15 I started to see him less. I refused to go stay with him and made up excuses. I only visited him a few times a year.

One day I went to visit him without informing him, I found him drinking while watching a football game, he was surprised to see me, he quickly started getting rid of his beer cans, cleaning his kitchen asking for if I was hungry so that he could order pizza, and I just lashed out at him and told him that's why mum left him because he was so miserable and could keep his s**t together.

(I felt guilty afterwards).

He loves old classic muscle cars and when I turned 18 he got me a 1970 Chevrolet Chevelle SS, which he had fixed it himself. Later me and mum sold it and got a Honda Civic. Anyway, last week I came to visit my mom.

I was planning to stay for the weekend. On Saturday night I overheard my mom and my stepdad talking about what happened 12 years ago, bragging about their affair and not once even regretting how it affected my dad. All they said that felt sorry for him. I couldn't help but cry. I wanted to confront her but I couldn't bring myself. I wanted to call her names, insult her but I didn't have the strength.

I was full of mixed emotions but I felt guilty the most. All this time I held a resentment towards my dad thinking he was the bad guy but he was only the victim of my mom's affair. He never recovered from the affair due to his depression and anxiety issues. And all the time I thought he faked to care about me he genuinely cared for me.

And he always tried to stay strong and smile for me. I left the following day and found my dad at his mechanic shop and hugged him. I was crying and he was puzzled and I kept saying sorry repeatedly. When he managed to calm me down I told him everything and I apologized even more. And when I asked why he didn't fight my mom for my custody.

He told me that, he knew that his depression and anxiety issues plus his PTSD would make him to be unfit parents. And he never wanted to ruin the relationship between me and my mom because he knew I loved my mom and his ex best friend loved me and would take care of me more than he would. He said that it was not my fault and forgave me and he was happy I found out.

I want to make it up to my dad, but I don't know how. Please help.

TL;DR: Mom cheated and left dad for his best friend. Made him look bad, I grew a resentment towards him now I want to make it up to him.

The internet had a lot to say in response.

YourRAResource wrote:

Just continue to love him and be a good daughter. That's all he wants.

Anoncommenter wrote:

Damn, what a f#$ked up story, and that your mom is laughing about what she did with your dad until today is just disgusting! The muscle car you sold, could you buy that back? I think that your dad would be very happy if you arrive with that car in front of his store. Then plan a weekend with him.

If he likes to go fishing, then do that. Just spend as much time together as possible. Oh, and please kick your mom and stepdad in the a** for me. They destroyed a life, not for their own sake but only because they were cowards and they remember that time until today with a smile on their face. Excuse me please, I need to go and vomit!

satansa**hole wrote:

The car thing cut me deep man. As a car guy myself I can tell you that what he gave you was an expression of years of effort, love, thought, and most of all hope. He gave you that car not just thinking that it might make you love him, but also to show you and involve you in a piece of himself that he holds extremely dear.

It was a desperate attempt from a desperate man to reconnect, created via years of loving work with you in his mind and you sold it for a soulless piece of machinery.

You selling it without a second thought was an unequivocal sign that nothing he could do would make you care, and possibly that he had made it worse by trying. My heart breaks for this poor man and I hope you can make it up to him. Others have said you could buy that car back, or fix up another with him together and I think that is an excellent start.

Imgonnasleep wrote:

Your. Mom. And. Stepdad. Are. F#$king. Disgusting. Seriously people like them who ruin others’ lives without an ounce of guilt deserve to go to hell. OP please stay by your dad’s side and be a good kid. Let him know how sorry you are and how you will make it up to him. This man loves you more than anything else.

The fact that he would sacrifice his reputation for years as your dad just so that you won’t hate your mother makes him an amazing person. He’s generous, kind and probably the best dad ever. As for the cheating b*stards, you have my full support for revenge.

Three weeks later, OP shared an update.

Sorry for the late update, its a bit long but a few of you insisted I update them. For those who missed out on my previous post, check out my profile I posted it on my profile.

First thanks to all those who took their time to comment and offer support.

As some of you said, there are two sides in every story, and I decided to listen my dad's side, he admitted to being distant and not affectionate after his last deployment due to his PTSD but the affair had been going on when he was in deployment. I confronted my mum, a few days later after my post and she was defensive at first.

She said that I was not grateful for what she did for me, and that she simply protected me from my father. She called him a few names. I didn't want to argue and I had already chosen my next words carefully. I told her that " my father was a good man who was broken by the betrayal of the two people he trusted the most and worst you turned his own daughter against him.

I appreciate and am grateful for everything, but it's time I choose for the parent who put his own daughter's need first even it means making hard sacrifices and not the one who wanted the daughter to satisfy her own needs . Goodbye mom, I will keep in touch. Before I left, tears had been building in her eyes.

And she just remained silent. She has tried to reach out to me but I just ignore her or ask her to stop disturbing me, I don't to block her, but my message is loud and clear. My aunt has recently reached out to me and told me that my mom is depressed. Well her husband can take care of her. As for my dad most of you suggested I sell a Civic and buy the Chevy Chevelle SS back.

I couldn't find the person I sold it to. But I decided to look for old worn out muscle cars to fix. I have been searching for a while. It was hard but I had help of a few friends and even some people who reached out to me on chat. Almost two weeks ago I was lucky and found an old wrecked 1970 Dodge Charger. And yeah I sold the Civic to afford the charger.

My dad was kinda of upset, but when I told him the reason he brightened up. He's been more than happy to show me how to fix it. I bought an apartment an hour away from his mechanic shop. One person suggested I do I make over at his place, well I have been making time and we I have started to renovate and do a make over.

And my friends from college who are studying interior design have decided to help. It took him a little of convincing as he felt embarrassed but he finally joined the train. Now everyday after college I go to visit him and on weekends I spend time with him and talk about anything mostly he's interested in my life.

He likes soccer and is a big fan of arsenal. So I always keeps him company during match days, pick the opponents team to add fun and am learning a little of football. Since I sold my car, he has allowed me to use his 1977 Pontiac Firebird he has been with it since I was 11 and as long as I can remember he has never let anyone drive it.

Since I have been around more often he has stopped his drinking habits, maybe a few and I join him on game nights but who can blame us.

So there is your update, if you made it this far I guess it is a happy ending. Thanks all of you all again.

The internet was so happy to hear such a wholesome update.

[deleted] wrote:

The joy you brought in your father's life is amazing.

OP responded:

I know, it's the only thing am focusing on.

Lordofthelowend wrote:

I’m normally not one to say nice things on the internet, but you sound like an incredibly kind and intelligent person. I guarantee your dad is so proud of you.

DerbyDogMom wrote:

Maybe I was in the military too long and saw this too many times but the visual of the dad scrambling to clean up beer cans and offering to order a pizza hit too close and made me tear up.

Moderatelysizedfoot wrote:

Too many holes. They claim English isn’t their first language and then wobble between American terms and British terms. Child support vs. mum. If they are English, who gives a classic American car to a new driver?

I might be wrong but I don’t think those were made for right handed drivers so they would either be driving on the wrong side of the car from what they learned on or this is all BS. My bs meter is going off.