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'AITA for upsetting my mom for preferring my 'disabled' dad over my stepsiblings after she divorced him because of his brain damage?'

'AITA for upsetting my mom for preferring my 'disabled' dad over my stepsiblings after she divorced him because of his brain damage?'


"Is it wrong to want my own father with me than my stepsiblings?"

AdImpressive2120 writes:

I (16F) was in the hospital until a few days ago because of my heart condition. I was born with it, and I recently fell ill again. After undergoing surgery, I'm now in recovery and feeling much better. However, during my hospital stay, I had an argument with my mom and her husband, mainly with my mom. I need some perspective on whether I'm in the wrong.

When I was 6, my dad had a serious accident, resulting in severe brain damage. He's permanently disabled, requiring a wheelchair, and had to relearn how to speak, which took years. Although he's improved somewhat, he still faces numerous health issues stemming from the accident.

My parents divorced after my dad's disability became permanent, and my uncle, his brother, now takes care of him. My mom said it was best for us to move on.

My mom later married a man named Jason. I reacted poorly when she first told me about him, and I also struggled with the news of the divorce. I was angry. My mom insisted it was for the best. Jason moved in, and they married. We then discovered he had a 4-year-old daughter (he didn't know), who also moved in. Mom and Jason went on to have two more children together.

One major issue is that my mom expected me to see Jason as my new dad and encouraged me to distance myself from my biological father. She even attempted to restrict my contact with him, but the courts intervened, granting me visitation rights several times a month.

Mom believes I would have a better life if I accepted Jason as my father figure. Jason has expressed his hurt over my preference for my biological dad.

I'm not very close to my stepsister or half-siblings, despite knowing it's not their fault. I avoid spending time at home because it means being around either my mom or Jason.

During my hospitalization, I asked my uncle if my dad could visit me before and after surgery. My mom objected, citing concerns about my siblings seeing him due to his condition. I insisted they didn't have to see him but that I wanted him there.

Mom said this meant my siblings couldn't be present, to which I replied that I would choose my dad over them. I reaffirmed that he's my dad, regardless of her opinion of him, and she must accept it or risk losing me.

My dad was there for me before and after surgery. Mom is still upset about what I said. She waited until I returned home from the hospital to address it, mentioning that my siblings feel rejected because of my statement. AITA?

OP responded to some comments and divulged how her mom feels about people with disabilties.

Munchkin1977 says:

NTA (Not the A%^*ole)- it sounds like your mom has a disgusting attitude towards people with disabilities, like they shouldn't exist. Good on you for sticking up for your dad, and for keeping him in your life!!

OP responded:

My mom believes that once someone becomes disabled their spouse has no obligation to stay with them. She said people deserve to be happy and you can't be happy married to someone who needs to be cared for.

She said it's selfish for anyone to be upset or angry with a spouse who divorces like she did. She believes my dad is no longer a full man and can't be a husband or a dad because of it. The way she acts about my dad repulses me.

Fooftato says:

NTA. Your mom is not a good person. Not only for dumping your Dad, but for forcing Jason on you who is also bad for forcing himself, but for also repeating what you said to your siblings and driving a wedge between you guys.

That was messed up and cruel. Those kids never should have heard that; there was no reason. NTA to you for needing your Dad. As soon as you can I hope you can go live with your uncle and Dad. Can you talk your uncle about how bad things are at home?

OP responded:

I don't like to put that much on my uncle because he goes through a lot juggling things in his life. I talk to my friends about this stuff when I need to vent. Also to my girlfriend.

Jadedangel13 says:

NTA. Wow, first of all, I'm glad you're doing okay. Heart conditions are no joke. Second, your Mom is way selfish and 100% TA here. You love your Dad, and that is enough reason for you to want him there beside you.

I'm sorry your Mom is behaving this way. You seem like a good person. Do not allow your Mom to guilt or shame you from loving/needing your Dad. Her feelings are her problem, not yours.

OP says:

They're really not! I have lived with the limitations of mine my whole life and I've had surgeries and stuff before. So when I'm doing good I really appreciate it.

I-cant-hug-every-cat says:

NTA. and is disgusting how she tries to erase your dad from your life for her own convenience.

OP says:

I know. It's not something I can ever forgive her for doing. Even if she was perfect in every other way, it's something I can't overlook or forget.

What do you think? Is OP right to share her preference for her father over her stepsiblings?

Sources: Reddit
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