'AITA for cussing out my mom after she said I'd ruin my sister's wedding?'
"AITA for cussing out my mom and backing out of the bridal party after being told I’d ruin the wedding?"
Sharp_Bread1207 writes:
Hey guys, here’s the background info you need. May is my older sister and the bride. Rose is our younger sister. May is getting married in October. I was originally just a bridesmaid, and Rose was the maid of honor. Rose had to step down from being maid of honor due to school, one month before the bachelorette trip.
So I stepped up, organized everything, paid for half the Airbnb, and covered all of May’s activities. I’m also paying for part of the videography as a gift. I’m 22 years old and newly disabled with a chronic connective tissue disorder and a fainting condition.
Both are as managed as they can be, and I’m under the care of specialists. I’m having surgery in less than a week. They all know this. None of them are coming to help or support me. It’s just me and my husband.
Now for the story: Yesterday, I got a call from May. She said she heard I needed either my service dog or a seat at the ceremony. She told me she didn’t want my dog there. I explained that I hadn’t planned to bring him anyway because of the Georgia heat.
Then she told me she didn’t want me sitting during the ceremony because it would ruin her aesthetic and the photos. I told her I had already planned to stand and had been preparing myself for it.
She then said she didn’t want me to faint and "steal all the attention." Neither she nor our mom knows anything about my conditions, but she told me they had discussed it and come up with some options for me. She said I could either:
Not be a bridesmaid anymore and just be a greeter. She also said I could give my dress to one of her other friends. This is when she told me she didn’t think I was capable of being her maid of honor.
Just be a guest and sit with our mom and dad. If I chose this, I could bring my "dog" since our mom loves him. (Side note: I’ve had to set boundaries with my mom regarding him because she actively tries to distract him while he’s working, just to see if he’s really trained.)
Naturally, I got upset and started crying while on the phone as I tried to find a solution. She kept repeating that she didn’t want me to ruin her wedding, so I hung up. I called Rose, but unfortunately, our mom was with her.
When I explained the situation, my mom started yelling at me. She called me an attention seeker and said I should never have agreed to be a bridesmaid in the first place. I snapped. I cursed her out over everything she has done and her part in this. Then I broke down crying on the phone and hung up.
A few hours later, I got some texts from May. She said she didn’t mean to sound like she was kicking me out and told me to bring a backup dress just in case I needed to step down. I didn’t respond. She messaged again asking if I was upset.
I replied that I would just be a greeter because I didn’t want to stress her out. She responded by saying this was stressing her out and insisted I stay as a bridesmaid. She also sent a bunch of messages explaining her reasons and included an apology.
Now my mom is saying I’m being an a&#*ole. Not once has anyone asked what kind of accommodation I actually need. They all just assumed they know better. I’m now being bombarded by texts from May, Rose, and my mom. So, am I the a&#%ole in this situation? And do you have any advice on what I should do?
Here are some of the responses to OP's post.
Leather_Suit says:
Honestly, I wouldn't even go. This situation is so out of hand and they clearly have no empathy. At best, be a guest and screw her. Also, don't pay another damn cent. Your mom is the biggest AH in all of this. I am so sorry you have to deal with all this.
OP responded:
Thank you, unfortunately I’m used to it. This is how they are… it’s so hard though to know if you’re in the right or wrong when the loudest voices keep saying you’re the problem.
Antique-Agent-2992 says:
No you're being picked on. Is your sister the golden child?
OP responded:
Oh 100% and I’m definitely the black sheep. I’ve had random stuff blamed on me since before I could walk.
What do you think?