'AITA for telling my mom to let my cousins starve because of how they treat us?'
"AITA for telling my mom to stop feeding the same people who purposely exclude us from dinner?"
InternationalTruck14 writes:
Let me start by saying I know I wasn’t wrong, but I might have been a little too honest. For context, my mom (39F), little brother (7M), and I (17F) moved into our extended family’s home a while ago.
Ever since we got there, it has felt like we’re the invisible roommates. No one talks to us unless they need something, and we’re never really included in anything, especially when it comes to food.
Before my mom got a job, she was basically the unpaid house nanny, caregiver, and chef. I’m talking about cooking daily for six kids (ages 1, 4, 7, 10, 11, and another 7M) plus my grandmother, who has dementia. She never complained. She just stepped up because no one else would. It was her way of contributing, since she wasn’t paying rent or bills.
Fast forward to now: my mom got a job and comes home exhausted. Since then, my cousin, who has made herself the new chef, took over cooking. That would have been great if she didn’t act like we didn’t exist.
When they cook, they always seem to “run out” of food right before it gets to my mom, my brother, and me. Like clockwork. Every single time. But when my mom cooked? Same size meals, same pot, and magically everyone was fed.
There were even second servings. Even leftovers. So yes, it feels intentional. And yes, we’ve noticed. But we never made it an issue because my mom would always make sure we had something on the side or order food if needed.
Now here’s where the drama starts. Yesterday, my mom came home from work and decided to cook for just the three of us. I was honestly excited. It had been a while since we had a meal that wasn’t side scraps or air. But being the good woman she is, my mom still left extra food in the pot for the rest of the house.
Me, being petty and fed up, said, “Why are you still leaving food for people who wouldn’t even leave crumbs for us when they cook?” Apparently my cousin heard me (not my problem, to be honest), and she must have run to the rest of the family and added some drama, because now I’m getting passive-aggressive phone calls from my aunt.
She’s talking about how my heart isn’t clean, how God doesn’t like bitterness, and how family means sacrifice. Ma’am. I’ve been eating cornflakes for dinner while all of you serve oxtail to everyone except us. Let’s not go there. So now everyone’s mad. But honestly? I don’t feel bad. I said what I said. If the bare minimum is too much to ask for, maybe I shouldn’t be so quiet anymore. But still... AITA?
OP added some context.
My mother and I are not homeless. My brother was starting school that’s closer to the area, and my family needed someone to look after my grandma and the kids until they got home.
My mom agreed to help since she was available. Please note that my mother had already been taking care of my grandma before she was moved into this house after showing signs of dementia, so this is nothing new.
They asked us to move in. My mother agreed because transportation costs were high. The house my family rented belongs to one of my mother's relatives, so they reduced the rent at my mother’s request. I live in the Caribbean.
My mother started cooking and cleaning because the house was a mess. I’m talking about plates in the sink and kids not eating. She cooked so my grandma could have something daily, and she always made enough for everyone to eat, especially the kids. Mind you, the others don’t contribute to buying food or anything. My mother pays for it all and never complains.
As for why I allowed my mother to cook even though I’m 17: now that she’s working, she contributes to the bills and wanted to cook that day because it had been a while since she had. I also have a small business, so I don’t mind buying food for us.
People had thoughts for OP's post.
Perimentalpause says:
NTA. You asked your mom a valid question. Your cousin was a snoop, and people who eavesdrop are bound to hear something that burns their ears. Calling out shitty behavior isn't shitty. "God doesn't like letting his children starve, either. Love thy neighbor and all that. Love ain't one-sided."
Ok_Conversation9750 says:
NTA. Hypocrites hate when their hypocrisy is pointed out.
FinePossession1085 says:
I wish you, your siblings, and mother a windfall of good fortune so that you can get your own place. Or are you there to take care of your grandmother? I'm sorry that things are tense with your extended family.
Tremenda-Carucha says:
NTA, I get where you're coming from... standing up for yourself when others act like you're not even there? That's tough. It's one thing to cook and clean and be taken for granted, but when it comes to food, that's basic.
You didn't ask for anything fancy, just a little fairness... and honestly? That's not too much to ask. Maybe it'll take some time, but you're not wrong to speak up. Sometimes people need a nudge, and you gave them one. Keep your head high.