'AITA for leaving the hospital early after my mum and sister completely ignored me and my husband and humiliated us?'
"AITA for leaving the hospital early after my mum and sister completely ignored me and my husband and humiliated us?"
I’m a 47 year old female who is the youngest of 3. Recently my mum was hospitalized due to losing over 30 kilos because she couldn’t keep food or water down. My husband and I would visit every 3rd day so she could get rest as she tents to get tired easily.
Yesterday we arrive before my sister did my mum wasn’t happy she acted surprised but I could tell she was livid with us. We made sure she was comfortable helped her out of bed when she needed to go to the toilet.
But once she saw my sister her attitude changed you couldn’t wipe the snips off her face she started saying oh my daughter is here. Not once did she acknowledge that I was her daughter or smiled.
She told me to get out of the chair so her golden child daughter could sit. Told me and my husband to stand. Then started to talk to each in Greek completely ignoring us. I wasn’t allowed to join in the conversation if I did I would get scolded or told to be quiet.
Once the doctor arrived to explain to my mum what treatment she would get she introduced my sister as her daughter and us as her neighbours. I was so upset and humiliated.
I said in Greek since you said that I’m out don’t ever contact me for help you have your only daughter that will do everything. My husband and I walked out not before I tell the doctor who I really am. He wasn’t impressed with my mums lies.
My mil called that night to asked what happened and she told me that my mum tells everyone that my sister does everything for her while I do nothing for her. That is a lie I’ve done a lot for my mum which my mil agrees.
From now on I will stop helping out let the golden child daughter do everything I don’t care anymore. She wants credit for everything she wants everyone to praise her oh you’re such a good daughter you do everything for your mum. AITA for leaving the hospital early after my mum and sister completely ignored me and my husband and humiliated us?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
NTA. Let the golden child do the work.
You’re going to get blamed for doing nothing so you may as well do nothing.
Far_Grapefruit_6045 (OP)
My mil told me to stop helping her out if she tells everyone I do nothing.
NTA. She did a horrible thing and you took reasonable action for disrespect. If she doesn’t acknowledge you as her daughter you have absolutely no reason to support her or visit and she lied to Drs about who you were? That’s an absolutely disgusting thing to do.
NTA. Your sister will soon get sick of the burden to carry alone.
This is the answer…sister is going to start needing help carrying this load. When she does, tell her you will be glad to oblige…AS LONG AS mom publicly acknowledges and thanks you are doing so.
I would literally stand in the room with them and wait, and make it clear what was waiting for, and if it was not forthcoming I would quietly leave. Make it clear that sister jumps your hoops or carries the burden alone.
I think both of them should be acknowledging it, but I'm going to take a wild guess that neither of them will but will still expect OP to step up. OP should just not bother at all anymore.
Stop letting her live in your head rent free. if she can't appreciate all that you do then stop doing it. Take care.
NTA. No more visiting. It’s just sad that it took you so long to realize you’ve always been “less than” your shiny golden sister. You’ll be getting all kinds of messages now from her… insisting that you continue to help with mother bc she cannot possibly (doesn’t want to) manage alone. Let it all fall on deaf ears and stick to your threat of doing NOTHING for that mean old witch and her golden plated daughter.
Look this isn't about one hospital visit. This is about long-standing family dynamics and favoritism. NTA for being upset. But your were a bit naive to think a hospital stay would change a family dynamic - usually stress just exacerbated these things, which is what happened here.
Just block her. If anyone complains to you just say oh that's just my neighbor. Or better yet lay out how she abused you and continues to abuse you because you are the product of her affair and she is ashamed. I'd make sure everyone in the whole town knew everyone.
Shame her and stop communicating with her. You deserve better. Your MIL is right, stop doing things for this ungrateful woman. Go no contact. You deserve peace OP. Your husband is your family now.
NTA. But might I suggest being mad at your mom, who is the one actually doing these horrible things? You seem more angry at your sister (and I have no idea what she’s like at all, so no comment) but it’s your mom you lied, who embarrassed you, who plays favorites, who devalues you and your contributions in your story here. Don’t deflect the anger. Aim it right where it belongs.
NTA. If she doesn't see you as her daughter, well, don't treat her as your mother. Stop doing anything for her. And when golden sister gets tired of doing everything and starts demanding you to do things for them, just tell her you don't have the time nor the energy to do much for a neighbor.