'AITA for not inviting the neighbors to our daughter’s bday party and then kicking them out?'
"AITA for not inviting the neighbors to our daughter’s bday party and then kicking them out?"
Yesterday was my daughter’s 8th birthday, and we hosted a princess-themed party. The only people invited were family or family friends. My relationship with my neighbors is average. We exchange waves if we see each other, but otherwise, we don't engage in conversation or anything else.
During my daughter’s birthday party, held in our semi-fenced yard, I began to distribute cupcakes to the children. While doing so, I noticed that two kids were definitely not invited because they weren’t my nieces/nephews or the children of family friends.
It then dawned on me that they were my neighbors' kids. I paused in cupcake distribution to ask why they were there, and one of the kids just shrugged and said, “my mommy said I could go”.
I informed them that it was inappropriate to just show up, and my husband escorted them back to their parents' house. While all the neighbor’s houses are reasonably spaced apart, we felt it was safer if someone walked with the kids.
Later on, possibly after we had finished cutting the cake, our neighbors approached again, this time both parents and the kids. I inquired what they were doing, and they looked confused, saying they were joining the party.
Feeling a bit agitated now, I sternly informed them that they were not invited, and that this was a birthday party for my daughter, and only family/family friends were invited. It was awkward as they left, and the kids kept whining as they departed.
The next day, today, I received a handwritten letter in my mailbox about how I treated the neighbors rudely, stating that it's expected to share community events. Was I too rude/harsh?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
PingPongProfessor says:
So your entitled neighbors regard a private party as a "community event"? Fortunately, you are not obligated to share their delusions. NTA (Not the A%@&ole), but you should probably put up security cameras. And a note in their mailbox explaining the difference between "community events" and private parties would be entirely appropriate.
kurokomainu says:
NTA. Start as you mean to go on. It wouldn't have been a one off, it would have been confirmation of their weird thinking that they are automatically welcome at any event you hold in your yard. You handled it correctly. They weren't invited and them living nearby doesn't mean they get to attend any neighborhood party or barbecue they can see from the street.
BrewtonFats says:
NTA. In my own experience when children who live directly next door to each other aren't friends there's generally good reasons, so I imagine there's just cause as to why these two were not invited. Regardless, for parents to just send their kids along to someone else's yard to join in on an event is not only awful adulting but also awful parenting.
roxywalker says:
NTA. Neighbors who think they can just barge in on your property without being invited need to be told otherwise. A community event is one where you invite everyone. This wasn’t that. Feel free to ignore the letter and carry on as usually do. If they felt awkward or embarrassed they have no one to blame but themselves.