'My neighbour tried to invite herself into my house while I have a new baby. AITA?'

"My neighbour tried to invite herself into my house while I have a new baby. AITA?"

I have this super annoying neighbour who is in her 70s. She always wants to come over to our place and is always asking for help like how to use Amazon, send an email, or even who to call to get rid of her old couch. We helped her at first, but after I got pregnant, we stopped.

She also knocks on our door unannounced and when we open the door, she will just walk into our place. IF we invite her in, she overstays her welcome and we have to listen to her complain about her health problems. Well, we now have a 3 month old so our time is precious. She recently knocked on the door and said she hadn’t seen us in a while and wanted to see the baby.

She literally tried to push her way into our home but luckily I managed to block the doorway. I told her multiple times no, please don’t come in, the house was a mess and I was in my spit-up covered pjs, no makeup, my hair a rats nest and my husband in his underwear - it just wasn’t a good time.

I apologized that we hadn’t reached out to her, or had many visitors, as we have been so busy taking care of our new baby. She kept asking to see her so I finally caved, and went into our bedroom where my husband was holding her and grabbed my daughter so she could see her. She asked if I was home every day and I said “yes, taking care of my baby."

I told her she must know what it’s like since she had 4 kids and she had the audacity to say “Well, I had twins and still made time for visitors”. When I tried to flip the conversation to her and asked how she was doing, she said “Oh Ive been so busy myself” and she left. So, am I the asshole for not inviting her in?

I’m feeling guilty because I get that she’s lonely but I also feel like it will quickly escalate to a situation where she feels comfortable to stop by anytime she wants.

Some other points:

She has 4 kids (two of which live close by) and 3 grandkids. When we ask if she visits them or if they can help her with stuff she always says “Oh they’re too busy” • ⁠We have had her over a bunch of times for coffee, but she’s invited us once, which is frustrating because we have to do all the serving/hosting

EDIT: We do have a peephole and we also lock our door, I just feel bad not answering all the time or just talking to her through the door. She’s still a person after all, albeit a really annoying one.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Monchichisalt wrote:

NTA. Remember that there is now a little person learning how to do life, from watching you. Do you really want them to grow up to be a pushover? To allow others to treat them like a doormat? Or do you want them to have solid boundaries, with the spine to speak up when being pushed to cross them?

There are reasons her family does not come around. And it's not because they were "busy."

You showed her kindness, she smelled weakness. And has been walking all over you since.

You are a parent now. Stop setting your family on fire, to keep anyone else warm. Lock the damn door. Put up a ring cam, and only answer to who you want, when you want. Your mental health will thank you.

OP responded:

THIS!! Amazing when you put it this way! I need to set the example!

A_Pinladen wrote:

NTA. We had a neighbor like that. She was constantly knocking and then barging her way in. She would tell me I was a bad Mom when I had the tv on when our son was a toddler. I had the news on while I was playing with him on the floor. She also tried to shame us for having him pant less when he was very young while we were potty training him. He started walking at 9 months and we potty trained him then.

She showed up once with a giant plastic frog that you put in the backyard and fill it with sand for kids to play in. Her teenage son kept telling me their cats had been using it as a litterbox for the last several years and I believed him. I told her we didn’t want it, but she talked over me and had her son put it in our backyard. I finally stopped answering the door.

She would knock and ring the doorbell for several minutes before she finally gave up. I trained our son to freeze and be quiet if anyone knocked or rang our doorbell. We’ve since moved. He’s a teenager now and says the sound of someone ringing our bell or knocking on the door causes him to initially freeze before he relaxes. I might have done some damage.

bokatan778 wrote:

NTA but stop answering the door. We have an elderly neighbor like this and although she is a nice woman and I sympathize with her being lonely, I had to put my foot down. You could even put a little song near your doorbell asking people not to knock or ring since bay may be asleep.

Travelgrrl wrote:

Lock your doors. Why don't you lock your doors?

You don't have to answer the door. She'll soon figure it out. Or just tell her to her face that you will contact her when you have time to share, and if she doesn't get an invitation, don't come over. Of course, NTA, but heavens.

fbombmom_ wrote:

NTA. Lock your doors. Close your front curtains/blinds. Get a doorbell camera so you can see who's at the door. You are not obligated to answer your door for her or anyone else. Hopefully she'll get mad that you're ignoring her and leave you alone.

Sea-Lead-9192 wrote:

NTA! You give this old biddy an inch and she’ll take a mile! She’s pretending to be nice and interested in you, but real kindness requires consideration, which she clearly has none of.

Makes you wonder why her blood family is so “busy” all the time…

Utelawyer wrote:

NTA. Even if you didn't have a baby, you wouldn't be morally wrong to turn her away. You're a bit of a jerk to yourself for letting her talk her way in and showing her your baby. You don't have to entertain her. Make like Nancy Reagan and just say "no."

Shermansangry wrote:

Her kids aren’t “too busy” , they’ve cut her off. You’re starting to see why.

Edit: forgot to add, NTA, obviously.