'My new SIL excluded me from every photo in her wedding album. Is this personal?'

"My new SIL excluded me from every photo in her wedding album. Is this personal?"

I (35F) have been with my spouse (35M) for 20 years. When we started dating, my BIL (husbands brother) was 10 years old. So I've known him and been part of the family for a long time. BIL recently got married. BIL and his new wife dated for a year and then were engaged for a year. So new SIL has been in the picture for the last two years.

New SIL and I haven't had any issues but we also aren't close. My spouse and I made a conscious effort to make her feel welcome in the family and made efforts to try to have a bit of a closer relationship with her. She didn't seem interested in having much of a relationship with us, which is a bit disappointing but is fine.

On their wedding day, they took family photos at a secondary location immediately following the ceremony. The photographer called out the family members names for the photos and my name wasn't called. My BIL (the groom) told my spouse to come and get me for the photos because we would be moving to the secondary location soon.

At the secondary location the photographer once again called out people's names who should go and be in the photo, again, my name wasn't called. So I didn't go into the photo. My BIL (the groom) saw that I was standing there and told me to come and be in the photo. So I did and I caught a glimpse of the expression on SIL's face...she seemed a bit displeased about it.

BIL and new SIL just released their full wedding album and their isn't a single photo of me. Including the photos of BIL's (the grooms) family that I was in. Which also means there are very limited photos of our side of the family in general. MIL commented to me that she is disappointed about the lack of photos of our side of the family.

Especially since there are a lot of photos of SIL's side of the family. The same photos were taken of our side of the family yet the only ones that were included were of the bride and groom with the groom's parents. None of the photos with the groom's siblings (which I was in) were included.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Turbulent_Cow2355 wrote:

Doesn't sound like you were the only one excluded. It sounds like pretty much everyone on your side was excluded. If I were your MIL, I'd be pissed - specially if they funded part of the wedding.

BIL probably left all the photo selection up to her. Maybe your husband can speak to him about it. The photographer most likely still has all the photos. You might be able to buy the ones with his side of the family in them. Maybe coordinate with your MIL about it as well.

OP responded:

You're right. I went back through the photos and there are very limited photos of our side of the family in general. My spouse was a groomsman and the only photos of him are the wedding party photos.

I also noticed that the brides other SIL (her brothers wife) was also fully excluded from the wedding photos. It almost feels like she doesn't consider us family so is putting in little to no effort. Which again, is a bit disappointing but fine. I'll just match her energy/effort.

Admirable-Marsupial6 wrote:

Did I read correctly that she’s not kept pics with the groom’s siblings? Or was it just you? Seems like a larger issue where she feels his family is not good enough for something...or maybe it was some wedding aesthetic she felt you guys don’t fit into… hope it’s the latter and this BS is over else she will try to alienate her husband from his family now.

The only way for you deal with this is to:

Support MIL and husband who will be at the primary receiving end of this.

Keep your relationship with BIL open and loving since you’ve know him for 20 years - do not put him in a position to choose between wife and family. Keep the doors of the family open to him unconditionally. He might need that support soon. Asking him to choose will only alienate him.

Be polite but distant from SIL. Don’t share anything personal (it’s tempting to talk about MIL for eg). Reciprocate the effort which comes from her only.

All the best!

OP responded:

She's not kept pics with the groom's siblings in general. My spouse was a groomsman and the only pictures of him are the wedding party pictures. I do wonder if he wasn't a groomsman if there would be any pictures of him at all. You've offered great advice and I plan to follow everything you mentioned above. Thanks!

lmyrs wrote:

Where are your husband and his brother in this conversation? Do they always leave the heavy lifting to the women in their lives? Either your BIL couldn't be fucked to deal with the photographer, and left it all on his wife to choose the pictures without a thought in the world to his mom or SIL, or he agreed with the selection.

I think your husband should find out which. Because why is it entirely on SIL? Your BIL is a fully grown man with his own agency. I assume he was a full participant in his own wedding.

OP responded:

I completely agree with this. I don't think my BIL was very involved in their wedding. There were lots of other things family members complained about. Like guests being given the wrong surnames and a poor seating arrangement.

I think she basically did everything and BIL didn't contribute to much of the wedding. It wouldn't have been much effort on his part to give a photo list of his family to the photographer or to make sure the names of his family members were correct.

Ovaltine1 wrote:

Trying to understand this. So the album was released and no one said “Hey, you forgot the pics from our side of the family?”

OP responded:

I personally think my MIL should mention something to her son about our side of the family being generally left out of the photos. I don't think it would be appropriate for me to say anything to him. But I'm also not going to push MIL to say something.

BT270 wrote:

My brother's wife did this same stuff at her destination wedding. All kinds of pictures of her family, one of ours. At least 20 pictures of her in the ocean with the wedding dress on. Then had to go change to a swimsuit for more wedding pictures. She is now the ex-wife and we reminisce on how terrible she was.

vampirejo wrote:

That is so sad that happened. Maybe I am too quick to judge, but seeing how quickly the wedding happened between bride and groom meeting and getting engaged makes me think that this bride just wanted a wedding. Bride doesn't want a marriage or anything or anyone that comes with it. I hope for your BILL'S sake that things turn out for the best.

New-Host1784 wrote:

Going by your post history, BIL and SIL have recently gotten married three times now over the course of a year. Well there was the time they "recently" got married 9 months ago. Then four months later they were getting ready to get married, but hadn't done it yet. Now here they are "recently" married again. 🤨