'My niece ruined my daughter's birthday,' fight breaks out, 'both girls were crying.' AITA? UPDATED.
"My sister's daughter ruined my daughter's birthday..."
My daughter's fifth birthday was two days ago; it was hectic, to say the least, but I wanted to make her happy. My husband and I informed the rest of the family that she would be having a birthday party because she did not have one the previous year.
She asked if some of her friends could come over, and I said yes; she had planned her entire birthday, but her father and I needed to get the supplies. It would be too small inside my house, so we did it in the backyard.
My mother and aunts came over for her birthday, and my husband left to pick up his mother, who had traveled from Guatemala to see her grandchild. My husband's sisters took our daughter on a date and shopping.
My sister arrived with her children; I don't want to sound like a mean aunt, but her children are bad, disrespectful, and unconcerned about others. She stands by and lets them get away with everything.
As everyone arrived with bags of gifts and treats, I assisted my daughter in putting on her dress and heels. We wanted to do something special for her, so my mother laid out a red carpet in front of her door so we could photograph her.
The party was going well, everyone was eating, and I got some meet from some family members on my father's side. The kids were dancing with the mascot while the adults ate and drank. The family was filming a happy moment when the kids became fussy and were ready to eat cake.
My daughter sat in her high princess chair, and my sister's daughter stood on a chair next to her, so I asked everyone to turn off the lights and take out their phones. We lit the candles and sang Happy Birthday; however, just as my daughter was about to blow out her candle, my niece blew it out.
My daughter pushed and hit her cousin, causing her to cry and fall off the chair; both of the girls were crying. My sister yelled at me for being immature and saying that my daughter was out of control.
I told her that it was my daughter's birthday, not hers. I may come across as harsh, but I believe she deserved it because I don't understand why some parents think it's amusing for their child to ruin another person's birthday.
My mother got everyone to stop arguing because she hated seeing her family fight. I lit my daughter's candle again and made sure to stand by her side so my niece wouldn't do it again.
The cake was enjoyed by the children after the commotion. I didn't think my child was right for what she did and at the end I did discipline her by taking away her iPad and not letting her play with her toys, she's never done that before so I don't know why she did it. Aita?
EDIT:
Edited: after the situation I asked her why she did it; I knew why she did but wanted her to explain more. She said that her cousin would call her names and make fun of her skin color, I'm so mad I was oblivious to this because I didn't know and wished I did because I don't like that. I don't know where she is getting it from but I will be talking to her mom.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Queen_of_Meh1987 said:
NTA. Your niece is a brat, and your sister enables her behavior. It's only going to get worse from here.
OrcEight said:
NTA. Your sister was wrong to call you immature, when she should have been focusing on apologizing to your daughter for your niece blowing out her candles.
opportunitysure066 said:
My daughter for her 6th bday had each cousins on each side of her holding hands when she blew out her candles, it was so sweet…but fake…then on their bday they ignored her, held hands with everyone else…she was completely left out and cried bc her cousins didn’t speak to her…exactly what I expected knowing my narcissistic sister.
My daughter didn’t understand fakeness and it upset her that these 2 people she loved so much would be rude to her. Her children have also looked down upon her, looked down upon my house (too small), and fake text my daughter when they need to look cool in front of boys “oh I gotta go, he’s here”…then ignore her when she just genuinely wants to chat about school. It’s obvious (and sad) they are fake like their mom. The dad is even more of a mess.
I had to make a decision…no more bday parties with them and no more staying at my house when you come through town and need a place to stay. Bye. We tried being friends and good family but they can’t do the same.
OutlandishnessNew259 said:
NTA I spotted my 5 year old about to blow out his cousins candles and I ran over and carried him away from the cake. I explained it wasn't his bday, and when it was he wouldnt want anyone to blow out his candles.
It isn't really your niece's fault because unfortunately no one is teaching her how to behave appropriately. Your sister should have shut that down fast! We know what our kids are about to do. We know them better than anybody. You can tell by the look on their face what's coming next half the time!!
That being said your daughter shouldn't have gotten physical or aggressive. I hope you talk to your daughter about her behavior as well, she shouldn't be taught that you can put your hands on someone when you don't like how they act.
winterworld561 said:
NTA. Your sister needs to talk with her daughter about the candle thing and you should definitely talk with your daughter about being violently aggressive toward other people. What your daughter did was not ok but your sister is the one that became a full blown ahole. Don't invite her and her daughter to anymore parties.
UPDATE:
This is a very quick update but I'm going to explain somethings because people aren't understanding, I few hours ago I talked to my sister and told her what my daughter told me about my daughter skin color. She quickly jumped to defense and said I'm lying on her daughter and that I shouldn't believe such things.
This is how I knew she must've said something about my daughter for her daughter to say something, my niece won't be seeing my daughter again because she made her feel uncomfortable in her own body. No parent should here their child say they want to be lighter and no dark because people like to say hurtful things.
My niece would not be allowed over at my house or even be close to my daughter, I do blame myself for allowing her to stand on the chair because that was on me. I do see a lot of you guys upset with my child's party, if your parents didn't give a a big party and only cupcakes and told you to watch a movie then that's your own problem but my daughter party shouldn't have affected you guys that bad.
When it comes to my kids they we get the extreme, for everyone saying my daughter is a brat she is far from that. She is a really sweet girl, caring to others and she never hit anyone before so it surprised me when she did.
I did take away her iPad but she got it back, my child can have an iPad because I allow her to but that doesn't mean when I take it she has a tantrum, no. She knows that she can't be on it every time.
For the ones saying heels are inappropriate clearly didn't have a childhood, I'm sure a lot of little girls had cute princess heels that came with a dress. And yes my daughter did plan her party by telling me what she wanted, she is a young Black girl and fell in love with the first Black princess.
She wanted a princess Tiana theme party and that's what I did for her, my daughter has a right to be appreciated because she is my only daughter. I hope I cleared some stuff up for you guys but I don't care if you guys have the same opinions, it's completely fine.
Here's what people had to say about the update:
Maleficent_Draft_564 said:
I’m off to the side just gagging at how people was upset at your babygirl having a princess themed party and an iPad and glossing over the horrible behaviors exhibited and hateful words said by your niece. Having themed birthday parties for kids is pretty common.
Kittytigris said:
Good for you on protecting your daughter. The whole skin color thing is vile and definitely something your niece learned from an adult. As for your kid, wishing her many happy birthdays to come. The party sounds wonderful. I think every kid deserves a huge Bday party at least twice before they turned 10.
SwordsOfSanghelios said:
Your daughter's party sounds like it would’ve been fun. I loved princess themed parties when I was a kid. It’s definitely for the best to keep your distance considering your child is being bullied for her skin tone, which is something nobody should ever have to experience. I’m sorry you and your daughter had to deal with this.
Strange-Trust-9403 said:
You did awesomely for your daughter. I am so sorry her cousin (and her mother) acted that way. Sending good post birthday wishes to Princess Tiana!
t%tsmcgee8008 said:
NTA and you did good. Both by spoiling her for her birthday (it’s her birthday, that’s what it’s for!) and for defending her against your sister.
I know you said you are going no contact with your niece but I hope that means you are going no-contact with your sister too. And I also hope you are telling your mom/parents and any other siblings so they know to protect your daughter too.
You can use this horrifying experience as a litmus test of who is and is not safe around your daughter. Tell them about the racism she experienced at the hands of her cousin and if they don’t whole-heartedly agree with you cutting contact, then you will know who is and is not safe around your child. I’m sorry she went through this but I’m glad she has a protective mama like you to stand up for her.