'My sister that went no-contact gave me a harsh reality check with her side of the story.' UPDATED 4X

Watching someone you love fall into a limiting path can be incredibly painful.

"My older sister, that went no contact gave me a harsh reality check + older sister's side of the story."

My older sister (F31) we will call her Jessie, went no contact with me and the rest of the family close to 10 years ago. I was 13 when this happened all I remembered was I came home from school with my other siblings and both of my parents told me that Jessie was no longer a part of our family and that she chose satan over family and I remember being crushed.

I think I cried when they first told me because I felt like she just abandoned me. After that conversation, my parents banned us from speaking about Jessie and removed all photos of her around the house. The months that went on without Jessie the more I grew to hate her and got angry that she chose satan over our family.

Meanwhile, for me, I stayed very much loyal to my parents…I studied the Bible day and night and was active in my church, just so I could prove to my parents I was not like Jessie. At 16 my parents signed off and I got married to my now husband. Then 6 months after our wedding, I got pregnant with my first child and I had a tough birth.

It was an at-home birth and to put it in simpler terms I almost d*ed…I lost a lot of blood and on top of that went into heart failure. I didn’t know but Jessie tried showing up to the hospital but my parents had security escort her out. Jessie tried to reach out to me numerous times throughout the years but I always blocked her because I was under the impression she was an apostate.

Fast forward to now, I’m 23 and I have 4 daughters. Also recently found out I was pregnant and I went to an eye doctor appointment and guess who was at the front desk. My older sister Jessie. I was kinda stuck for a moment because a part of me wanted to just hug her and tell her how much I missed her. But I just couldn’t given everything I was told about her.

She tried to make small talk with me but I gave her the cold shoulder a bit…towards the end of my visit. She gave me a card with her number and told me to please meet up with her to explain her side. After 3 days of going back and forth with myself, I decided to meet up with her, for closure initially. She told me she never wanted to leave me but the church left her no choice.

Her ex-husband that she was married to while she was in the church was ab#sive towards her and was b##ting the crap out of her and she begged our minister to be released from marriage and he didn’t allow it.. since she was scared for her and my nephew’s life she left.

As awful as it sounds I did not believe her, because her ex husband got remarried to one of my friends and she has no visible signs of ab#se or let alone told me she was getting hurt by him. She then went into how our parents are a part of a cult and how it destroyed our family. I remember I did get angry with her and started calling her apostate, and that she was lying to protect herself from sin.

She then just lets me have it and says “I’ve been trying to be nice to you because even if you don’t like feel like it you're a victim. You were a child bride that also dropped out of school to become a wife & mother. The only reason why the church is nice to you is because of your daughters and they don’t want to piss you off and lose the girls."

"If you want to continue to be brainwashed and spineless be my guest, but if you can’t leave for yourself leave for your daughters” Then she just gets up and leaves. Ever since that conversation, I’ve been replaying everything I was ever taught in my life and questioning it…I've been googling, reading Reddit stories.

But thinking about the religion I invested so much time into being a complete lie...is honestly too hurtful to think about. Especially my husband, is our relationship a lie? Did he groom me or was he also a victim of the circumstances of our religion? I have the answer to none of these questions and I quite honestly don’t know if I want to know.

Not long after, OP shared an update.

EDIT: Thank you everyone for the feedback, I've been reading all the comments and to answer a couple repeitive questions. I don't feel comfortable revealing what church I'm apart of given I have no idea if anyone actually creeps on reddit and I dont want to risk it. secondly my husband, he's not ab#sive towards me and never once hit me or his daughters.

But also he works 60hrs a week so our time together is limited these days. As far as my sister she has sent me a follow up text after our conversation apologizing to me for being blunt with me and I havent responded because I still have soo much to think about and have virtually nowhere to start it feels. I want to apologize if I came across as a victim blamer in my post that's never my intention.

The internet had a lot to say in response.

AdvantageVisual9535 wrote:

Yeah dude, you're in a cult. Anyone whose family and community shuns someone just for getting a divorce and had her parents "sign her away" to a man at 16 is 100 percent in a cult. The fact that you still seem to think your sister deserved what happened to her and are more concerned about your relationship with your husband than her leads me to believe you're basically swimming in the Kool aid.

Your sister was right, it's time to think about your daughters and what their lives will be like if they're taught that their only purpose in life is to get married to a man and have babies. Don't you want more for them?

Pristine-Antelope-23 wrote:

Seriously, don't discuss this conversation with anyone in your life other than your sister. If you say anything to anyone, you could end up with your children taken from you and never being able to see them again. If she is right about the c*lt, you and your children are in danger.

Your daughters will be married off just like you were, and they could d** in childbirth. Teen pregnancy is dangerous for mom and baby. You mentioned that you almost d**d in childbirth, so you should understand that danger. Not to mention the risk of your children being ab#sed by their husbands.

Your sister's ex may not ab#se your friend, or he might ab#se her without you knowing. You didn't know your sister was ab#sed either. Please keep in contact with your sister. Plan an escape without alerting anyone. Contact a safe lawyer outside of your religion. Your husband may not be a problem and may leave with you. However, you need to be prepared to leave him for your daughter's sake.

WillSayAnything wrote:

You're 23 with 4 daughters. You were married off at 16 and pregnant 6 months later.

Who do you think is telling the truth?

Jessie is pulling the wool from over your eyes. You have 4 daughters the only way to keep them in that environment and promise child brides to more men is to make sure you don't leave the religion. If you don't walk away from that religion, you're sealing the fate of your daughters. I wish Jessie nothing but happiness.

spicybunnymeat wrote:

Don't give up on your relationship with your sister. She is literally, genuinely trying to save you from a cult. Give your daughters a chance.

Not long after the post gained traction, Jessie, OP's sister left a comment.

Hey, It's "Jessie" I'm glad you took my advice and did some research and looked at subreddits about everything I told you like two weeks ago! It is a shame that you never responded to me and did not follow up on anything, I really wish you would just talk to me. However like I've been saying this entire time I would help you and my nieces in any way to get you out of the situation.

Still, your actions, however...have made it seem like you are not interested given how much detail you have conveniently left out regarding our parents, Your husband, and the reason why I left.

Because your husband is 35 years old? I have no idea why you made him younger in these comments. Also maybe you do not know but Mom and Dad had him picked out for you prior to him even asking to court you..right when you were only 13 his name was being thrown out as a suitor for you so idk why you made it seem like it's a women's choice in the comments when it never is and you know that.

I know you know the organization is wrong because you refused to answer a lot of questions in these comments and how you conveniently left out a lot of things.

I love you. but I hope you wake up soon and stop purposefully being delusional and protect my nieces from the men in the organization...7ou know the same men that protected the guy that m*l*sted you and I was the only person that believed you? I know you know deep down that they deserve better lives.

I know you are a victim of the organization and suffered probably way more than me at this point. Our parents failed us both and never protected us and I wish more than anything I could have protected you better and taken you with me when I left. Again I love you please don't become like our parents.

A few commenters responded to Jesse.

EmotionalAttention63 wrote:

I know this is frustrating for you. Please stay patient and understanding. You know how badly she's been brainwashed. Hopefully she's earnest in starting to question things and finally opens her eyes. Just keep letting her know you're there for her. Good luck to you guys.

THROWAWAY12847484 wrote:

You put the idea in her head. Everything else is up to her now. She'll get in touch when she's ready but also just remind her that you are here when she decides to leave and the door is open. That's really all you can do right now.

HopefulRain-9677 wrote:

If you ever truly want to help your sister and nieces, you need to stop going straight for her throat in your responses. That's the number one way to get someone to ignore everything you're saying. From what I've gathered, this way of life is all she's ever known, and I'm sure you can understand how hard it can be to uproot the basis for your entire life.

gallifrey101 responded:

I understand your point "Jessie" but the way you've phrased this is wrong and you need to back up because the way you're talking to your sister is super guilt trippy. The way you've phrased this makes me feel gross, even not as your sister and if you want to get through your sister to take your support, this is NOT the way to do it.

In fact, if I was your sister, then I would purely stay just because of the way you've spoken about me, notwithstanding the concerns about my children but because it would make her not want to take your help if all you're going to do is hurt her decision to trust you.

I understand your concerns for your sister and her children but this is not the way to do it. Support her, lose the guilt trips about what she has said here and let her make her own way to you because you can lead the horse to water but you cannot make them drink.

That same day, Jessie made a full post sharing her side of the story.

I saw that my sister posted here and the post gathered a lot of traction so I thought it would be necessary to share my side I’m Jessie in her story, and I commented on her post I don’t remember her exact username. But I’m here to offer a bit of better context. My little sister is in a religious cult that she’s willingly participating in and in my opinion putting my nieces in potential harm's way.

I know she sees me as some devil that was sent by satan to tempt her but I’m most definitely not that…I'm not gonna say what church to protect my sister, however, she should face some accountability given she’s an adult now. But to start from the beginning, we come from a big family of 8 siblings total of 6 boys and the other 2 which are me and my sister.

I pretty much raised my siblings being the 3rd oldest, especially my younger sister and it kinda hurt that she brushed past that in her post. But moving on I looked after her and my siblings until I was married off which was when I was 18 and it would probably be 16 if I wasn’t firm about finishing high school.

But I didn’t want to get married and the only reason why I married my ex-husband was because he was the only suitor at the time in the religion, that was okay about me continuing my studies and go to college. I regret that now given he was lying he got me pregnant right away and was an ab$ser.

I’m not going to go into detail but he would have most likely k**led me or my son if it wasn’t for me leaving when I did. My son was also the main factor in why I left, so it’s baffling to me that my sister has 4 daughters and does not ever have the urge to leave.

Instead continued to listen to these same men who told me I needed to stay with my ab#ser…because it was a testament from god that I needed to get through it with my husband. Then my birth givers, honestly they should be in j*il if you ask me. Especially my father, he’s a s**t person.. I saw him fistfight with my brothers regularly back when he was like 200 pounds and my brothers were like 80 pounds.

He has never hit me personally but I have seen him quite literally knock the wind out of my mother and we were conditioned to think that was normal and it wasn’t. I know my sister is not going to like me bringing in our parents because the way her life is now is thanks to them. But I mean it has its benefits because she’s probably the golden child for them.

Because she’s not the difficult child and is the one who does what she’s told. Now her husband, He’s 35 years old. So yes he was 28 marrying a 16-year-old!! Before you ask how is that legal? In my awful state, you can get married at 16 with parental permission, and on top of that, the age of consent is 16 years old.

So everything was legal. I remember when I first heard she was getting married to her husband, I tried everything in my power to stop the marriage from going through…I got the p*lice involved and they were absolutely useless. Because of the First Amendment and on top of that, they privately interviewed my little sister and she basically said she’s not being forced to do anything against her will.

So there’s nothing the c*ps could do. I still get mad at this situation to this day. Luckily her husband is not abu#ive..she got extremely lucky there. But he’s still horrible in my opinion, it’s absolutely ridiculous how she has either been pregnant or had a baby on her hip the entirety of their marriage so far.

She couldn’t finish high school because of the lack of help with the baby plus he nearly k**led my sister…when he pushed for an at-home birth knowing she had preeclampsia and he also threatened me with a restraining order when I tried to go see her in the hospital. Now back to our conversation two weeks ago, you really hurt me when you didn’t believe me about my ab#se.

Like I was honestly devastated that you would believe a man who signed his rights away as a father to protect his image than me your sister? But I also know you’re extremely naïve and have been severely brainwashed, so I’m not mad at you. But I was indeed hurt by you…given everything you ever told me I believed you, without any hesitation.

Also when you didn’t want to bring your daughters to meet my kids….that hurt me also. Especially seemingly you didn’t want to acknowledge my kids when we met up. I’m saying this because I want you to know that your actions do have cause and effect on other people because I don’t think you understand that fully.

I hate that I have resorted to a Reddit post to get your freaking attention but maybe once you see the countless people in here saying the same thing maybe you would realize I’m on your side and I've always been on your side. The people in that organization only care about you and your family because you have daughters & you’re still willing to pop more kids out for them and blindly follow them.

Again I will repeat myself I will help you if you let me…but as of right now, you’re not letting me.

Not long after posting, Jessie shared an update.

UPDATE: I'm so glad this gained traction and you guys got my sister to respond to me so thank you! However, it wasn't what I wanted to hear. we talked on the phone for about 3hrs today and it was a lot of back and forth. To put it quite simply my sister does not want to leave her husband, but she does want to leave the religion.

So she wants time to potentially convince him to leave with her. In my humble opinion, I don't see him leaving the church, But she thinks otherwise. I then asked her if she would still leave if he didn't want to and she didn't give me a firm yes or no. The only thing she said, she wants to wait until she has her baby since she is pregnant.

I'm kinda disappointed I am not going to lie, it sounds like she was making excuses to shut me up. I'm sorry it's not the update y'all wanted to hear. I would hate for her to leave me no choice and to go nuclear on her and get my friend who's a social worker to get CP$ involved.

But I'm not going to do that yet I'm going to calm down for now, but it's just frustrating trying to talk sense into anyone that's so brainwashed and sees me as like one of satan's disciples.

The internet was deeply concerned.

Queasy_Mongoose5224 wrote:

So glad you managed to get out of that nightmare! Hopefully your sister comes to her senses before it’s too late. It’s great that you still try to look out for her.

Own_Owl7568 wrote:

I read your sister’s post and commented on how I thought she was in a religious cult. So sorry you went through it at a young age and glad you got out of the situation. Hopefully your sister will follow suit.

OP responded:

Thank you so much. I'm doing fine personally it's been a long time since for me. So I know my POV might seem harsh lol

Why_r_people wrote:

I remember reading the other post, this is one of those posts you hope is fake bc it’s too depressing to think people still join religious cults and marry off their teenage daughters

If this is real, I’m so sorry I hope you and your sister can rebuild your relationship.

Gatormul wrote:

First off your story gets to get out there. You are a hero. You raised your sister and you are fighting for her. I read her post. She says she is starting to question everything. You have made the first few cracks.

There are a lot of amazing books out there that are about breaking through brainwashing. Your sister doesn’t realize there is a huge world where what happened to her isn’t normal and is found as abhorrent as it should be.

Also if you don’t have one find a therapist that specializes in cult victims. They will have an understanding other therapist won’t have what you are recovering from. They can also support you in getting through to your sister. Create an exit strategy I case your sister wants to leave. Where will she go? what will she do for work?

She has 4 daughters to raise as a single mother. Figure these things out ahead of time. Have a plan ready so when she is ready and these types of fears come up in her mind let her know you have a solution. Good luck. I’m rooting for you. As a sister who would cut a B for her sister, I am proud of you. You are making a difference even if it doesn’t feel like it.

real_nia wrote:

I'm chilled to the bone that these kind of cults can get away with this. I'm so proud of you for getting out of that situation, I wish they're was a way to save all of the girls trapped in that cult. I just looked at your sister's post and it sounds like she is really starting to question things.

Please be patient with her and don't give up on her! She is trying to process the fact that everything she's ever known is a lie, but it sounds like she's open to it. It may take time, but it's not too late to save her and her children.