'My parents won't give me a family ring to propose with because my sister isn't married yet.' UPDATED 2X

Nothing will make you go crazy like an entitled sibling.

"My parents wouldn't give me a family ring so I could propose to my girlfriend because my sister isn't married yet."

My girlfriend's birthday is on Saturday and I plan on proposing to her. Our anniversary is 6 months from Saturday (April 29) and I think that would be a great day for a wedding. When my grandma died she left all kinds of jewelry to my mom. She always said if I wanted one of her rings to give to a woman in the future she would let me pick. I know my mom knows she said this.

I asked my mom for one of the rings but my mom said "not yet". She and my dad said my sister will be upset if I get engaged while she is still single and not married. It's not a secret that she's desperate to get married. But that's not my problem. My sister turned 29 in March and I turned 31 last month. My parents said she'll be upset if I get married a month after her 30th birthday.

So I went out today and bought a ring. It was never about money because I can afford to buy one. I thought it would be special to give my girlfriend a family ring. I'm still proposing on Saturday despite my parents forbidding me to. I'm just pissed off that they asked me to hold off until my sister is married when she isn't even in a relationship. Pisses me off but I don't want anything to spoil my girlfriend's birthday.

The internet had a lot to say.

ImagineSnapDragons wrote:

For her 30th birthday, your parents can gift her therapy. I turned 30 back in August. Never married. You know what happened? Nothing. The world doesn’t end when you’re still single at a certain age.

BrightAd306 wrote:

That’s so weird. It’s not like you’re 17. A month after she turns 30?! Does she own every month? Just wait until you start having kids or something before her. I get being sensitive to her feelings, but this is way over the top.

I mean, they could let her pick a ring first and set it aside for the future. It sucks that they’re going to be more worried about her feelings than excited for you. Then they’ll wonder why you always spend holidays at the in-laws.

SnooWords4839 wrote:

Good for you!! Congrats!!

Your parents catering to their golden child suck. Don't be surprised if you need to elope to avoid your family!! Better yet, elope and then plan a party after you are married.

Darkspark95 wrote:

Good for you for not letting your parents control you. Maybe you can still give your soon to be wife one of your grandmothers rings as a special gift for an anniversary or maybe a vow renewal.

Also: don’t forget to update us! I hope she says yes!

RoxyMcFly wrote:

Good for you. Next it will be you can't have a baby yet.

Don't let them create drama for you and let them know that they won't be invited or included in your future if they continue to want you to live your life based on what your sister wants and how she feels.

GothicAngel4 wrote:

Oof your parents kinda suck. Your life doesn't need to be on hold just because of her lack of relationship/marriage. A family ring is usually so cool and being that grandma has already said that you can they should not have said no.

Three days later, OP shared an update.

I proposed on Saturday like I originally planned to. I proposed with the ring I bought after my parents denied me one of my grandmother's rings. (As I said in my original post it wasn't about money. I could afford to buy a ring. It was about being sentimental because my grandmother always told me I could have one of her rings).

I didn't do anything elaborate or public. I proposed over breakfast and she said yes. She called it the best birthday gift she's ever gotten. She had the same idea as me and had suggested we get married on April 29, our third anniversary, before I even brought it up.

So that's what we are doing. We both agreed we don't anything huge or expensive so we're going to keep it small. It's 1:15pm now, about 28 hours since I proposed. When we announced the news my sister was upset just like I knew she would be and my parents were mad I didn't listen to them. I'm 31 and don't rely on my parents for money.

I told my parents and sister if they are unhappy they can skip the wedding. It would suck if I didn't have any family there but I also don't want them to spoil this. I wasn't going tell my fiancée what went down but I did once my sister started melting down so she wouldn't be blindsided by any of it. She assured me she loves the ring and thinks my family is wrong.

Her family had the exact opposite reaction as mine and they are all happy for us. So that's it. All is well. My fiancée is currently at work and it may sound stupid but I miss her. She told me her coworkers are happy for her and I know mine will be too when I go in later today. EDIT: I also appreciate all the supportive comments in my last post so thanks for those.

The comments kept coming.

Fun-Statistician-550 wrote:

Where is it written that if you're sister's not happy then nobody else can be either. You're parents spoiled the shit out of her. She'll never find happiness with that entitled attitude. Good on you for your response. Congratulations on the engagement and upcoming marriage. Your family can go suck it since you're creating a family of your own.

PhantomHiveGirl responded:

Now we know 1 of the reasons as to why she's still single, parents raised her to be entitled and selfish, for her to not even be happy for someone she's supposed to love says a lot about her. Good luck with the wedding OP 🖐🏻✌🏻, and keep those people on minimal contact, I wouldn't put it past them to try and mess with the wedding out of envy.

ZombieZookeeper wrote:

An invitation to the wedding should only follow apologies and groveling.

Congratulations on the engagement.

nickis84 wrote:

Any arrangements for your upcoming wedding should be password protected just to play it safe. Most vendors have dealt with families who want to change things to their style, add guests or straight out cancel even if the families weren't paying. The family felt entitled to control the wedding. Even if your parents apologize profusely, play it safe. Congratulations on your engagement!

cherry__12345 wrote:

Sometimes I don't understand these kinda parents. My cousin is focusing on her career right now, all her younger siblings have already gotten married. She was the happiest person to attend. It hurts you know when your parents don't love you unconditionally or love your sibling more. You start to question yourself, am I not good enough to be loved?

OP shared another update a year and a half later.

My original post and the first update can be found in my comment history but the gist of it is: My grandmother loved jewelry and always said I could have one of her rings for my future wife. When she passed away she put in her will that I was to be allowed to pick one out if I was getting engaged. The other hundreds of pieces of jewelry got left to my mom to be eventually passed on to my sister.

The rings I was supposed to pick from were not her engagement ring or any of the most expensive jewelry she had. In October of 2022 I asked my mom for a ring because I was going propose to my then girlfriend of 2.5 years, but my mom said I could not have one and my dad backed her up. It was because my sister would be upset that I was getting married first.

My parents forbid me from proposing. I was 31 years old when this happened and I live in a different province so they had no grounds to forbid me from anything. My grandparents on both sides came to Canada from Scotland. There is nothing in either culture that says I am suppose to wait until his younger sister gets married first. I bought a ring and proposed to my wife on her birthday.

My parents were angry I didn't listen to them. My sister had an absolute meltdown when she found out about my engagement. I had not told her in advance I was going to propose because I knew she would react badly. Even though she was 29 years old at the time. My wife and I got married 6 months after I proposed, in April of 2023.

It did suck not having any of my own family at my wedding but I just focused on my wife instead. My update: I went 18 months without speaking to my family, from a couple of weeks after I proposed until earlier this month. I guess my mom had a health scare and even though she is fine it got her and my dad worried enough to get back in touch a couple of weeks ago.

My wife told me she would support me in whatever I decided. I told my parents we can't go back to the way things were before and I will not let them talk to my wife right now after the way they acted. My wife and I don't want kids but if we did I would keep my parents away from them too.

They were surprised I got married without telling them. I said I'm an adult who doesn't need their permission. We are going go start with occasional emails for now and go from there. My parents said sister is still upset that I'm married and she's not. She has never apologized for the way she carried on or the way she spoke about my wife.

I have no plans to resume contact with her and I told my parents not to bring it up.

Again thanks to those who left supportive comments in both of my posts. I forgot I had posted here until my wife said something that reminded me of it and I had some messages asking for an update.

The internet was super invested.

Intelligent-Ad-4568 wrote:

Your sister is a nut job. Even if you lived in a culture where the older gets married before the younger, you are OLDER than your sister, so that really wouldn't matter. I think your parents have enabled her sister's behavior, which is allowed her to continue acting this way, and possibly getting worse.

She is miserable and wants everyone else to be too. And your parents should have put their foot down years ago. Maybe now seeing that you are not going to stop living your life because they ask you, they will change. You getting married as nothing to do with your sister. She being single has nothing to do with you. Just go live you life and be happy, that's the best revenge anyway.

oaksandpines1776 wrote:

If it was willed to you, get a lawyer to force the parents to allow you to still choose ring of your choice. It is your inheritance and they have a fiduciary duty to obey the will.

roseydaisydandy wrote:

"They were surprised I got married without telling them. I said I'm an adult who doesn't need their permission."

Their feelings are hurt because of their reaction. If you had informed them of a wedding, they would've thrown a fit.

Don't let them rewrite history that they would've supported you if you've given them a chance. They may be sorry but part of being remorseful is knowing what they did wrong. Congrats on your marriage.

Prudii_Skirata wrote:

I mean...why should your future be paused until someone that sounds so unlikable that the only way they'd find a partner is if it had been part of some Make A Wish request when she was younger?