'AITA for expecting my partner to wake up and help me with our newborn child despite him having a job?'

"AITA for expecting my partner to help me with our newborn?"

aestheticaeryn writes:

I (21f) and my partner (21m) are first-time parents. He works around 8 hours a day in construction while I’m a SAHM. We each have our own “jobs” and so far, it’s been working 85% of the time. We decided early in the pregnancy that this was the plan because of how expensive and nerve-wracking childcare can be.

But like all first-time parents, we had no idea what to expect with a baby and how postpartum would affect me. Our son is 3 weeks old and has a pretty good schedule at the moment. He wakes up every 3ish hours for a bottle and diaper change, and my body is finally adjusting, so I’m handling it well—until a surprise “rough night” happens.

This is when our baby is more fussy than usual and scream-cries, fights sleep, eats WAY more than normal, and just rebels against his usual routine. This is when my postpartum anger sets in. I get so angry because I’m tired, can’t figure out what the baby needs from me, and I’m going through the motions.

Meanwhile, my partner sleeps through EVERYTHING. I wake him up numerous times saying, “Please tag me out,” “I’m getting too angry to think straight,” and “I need help, I don’t know what’s wrong,” and he wakes for a second but goes back to sleep.

However, the last bad night we had, I lost it and yelled at my partner. I was so angry I couldn’t think, and my partner wouldn’t wake up to help, so I yelled at him and woke him up out of a dead sleep.

I instantly regretted it because he looked frightened, and after I said, “I’ve been asking you for help and you won’t. I can’t do this, I’m tagging out,” he got angry. He called me a rude-a%# for yelling at him, said “I’ll just get up then” with an attitude, and yelled at me because I went to go cry in the bathroom, saying “Oh god, don’t be like that.”

I’m not asking a lot, just help on the bad nights and the moments that I need to tag out for safety. However, I feel guilty I got angry with him. I know we each have things we do for “jobs” and his isn’t easy either. So, AITA for getting angry and lashing out about the lack of help during bad nights?

Here are the top comments:

Finklesfudge says:

NAH (No A*#$ole Here). Trust people who have kids to let you know, the first 3 months are a real trudge. For everyone involved. If I had to give you advice, it is to contact the hospital you gave birth, and do not lie to them that postpartum is affecting you.

Every single hospital has specialists to help you work your way through these times, exercises to help you center, and sometimes short term medication to help you.

Strong_Storm-2167 says:

NTA (Not the A^&%ole). He works 8 hours. You work 24 hours day/night. It is reasonable for him to help give you breaks and him be a 50% parent on his off times.

If you had a job during the day just the same as him and you both had hired a nanny or sent baby to daycare. Who looks after the baby when you both get off work???You BOTH do. So why is it different because you are home instead of paying childcare? Looking after A newborn is exhausting and can be dangerous to both baby and you if you don’t get enough sleep and help. When both home BOTH are responsible.

When he is home. You could both work in shifts so you have a rest/sleep for the first few hours he is home and he takes care of baby. Then he goes to bed so gets enough sleep for work but you have had a sleep also which will then help you through the night. Please go to your doctor to talk to them also about your postpartum as you need help with this now rather then later.

Dszquphsbnt says:

This isn't an a^#*ole situation, the first 8-12 weeks sucks. It gets better. Hang in there and try to be nice to each other. NAH and congratulations!

Kanulie says:

Don’t take your baby’s crying personal. You get to know them, and it takes time for you to understand, and them to express themselves. The first three months at least can be tricky, like they scream from hunger, pain, restlessness, being uncomfortable and whatnot.

If they slept, got fed, it can be anything really. Crying is their only way to express themselves for now. What ours had was tummy ache, while being hungry. So he wanted to eat, but it hurt, but he was too hungry not to eat. And yea not a lot you can do…massage his tummy if you feel like it helps, carry him around on his tummy (tiger in a tree).

Sometimes you just have to wait for them to calm down. Just don’t confuse their crying with judging you, or that you did something wrong. It can also just mean “i miss you please hold me.”

What do you think?