'My partner peed in a mug and I was horrified. AITA here in how I reacted?'

"My partner peed in a mug and I was horrified. AITA here in how I reacted?"

I am still a bit shocked to be honest so I will try to be as brief as possible. Am I really looking for some outside perspective because I don’t know if I am being unreasonable and difficult here or is this objectively messed up.

My partner came back home for lunch. He went into the kitchen and said something like ‘I need to pee’. As he was walking away to go upstairs I asked him to slide his shoes off because we ad new carpets lied down. He then came back and said ‘forget it I don’t have time’, took a mug with a leftover coffee and peed in it in the kitchen right next to me, sort of laughing.

I was just...stunned. He kept laughing and saying ‘I told you I really needed it’ and I just stared I think with the sheer horror in my face. He then poured the piss out into the sink (the sink was empty) and thoroughly cleaned the mug. I said to him not to bother because I want that cup in a bin. He then started to get annoyed and saying ‘don’t be like that, I told you I needed it’.

I said to him that by the time he came back to the kitchen he could have slid his shoes off and be upstairs in the bathroom. He then said ‘you had to ruin my lunch and probably the weekend’, ‘why do you always have to be such a drama queen’, ‘you make me feel like an absolute piece of s**t.'

I barely said anything because I was absolutely shocked and disgusted. I was trying to explain why I was so disgusted but he just kept interrupting and saying ‘do you know how much I needed it’. In the end I was just quiet and he left.

I don’t know what to think. AITA here? He is pretty convinced that it was nothing and I have made him feel like crap about it. Is this behaviour normal? Have I overreacted and made him feel bad for no reason?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

impressive_moment786 wrote:

NTA-and WTF did I just read? If he didn't do something so absolutely disgusting and vile he wouldn't feel like that. This behaviour is absolutely not normal. You have not overreacted. What else has he pissed in that you don't know about? I couldn't be in a relationship with a man like this. I would rather be single for life.

OP responded:

Thank you, I thought that I was going a bit over board. What makes me sick to my stomach is the gaslighting that followed. He barely let me utter a word, and made me believe that I was absolutely put of order and I started to believe it?!

rockology_adam wrote:

NTA. This was intended to provoke you. I see a bunch of red flags here, OP, but even without them, you're justified in your outrage. BLANTANTLY doing this instead of taking off his shoes to go upstairs is a CHOICE. I won't pretend that I haven't had to use an alternate container before. Multiple people sharing one bathroom can require it, rarely.

But it is never with pride, in front of someone, in the kitchen, in a drinking vessel I expect someone to use again. I am honestly shook. The intensity of his return sets my radar pinging. You can't do something that shocking and taboo in front of someone without expecting some kind of return.

This is the shockjock radio DJ plan. Create scandal and then get angry that people are trying to censor you, and you can say whatever you want. You should have made him feel worse, honestly. He had time for a LEISURELY bathroom visit in the time it took him to berate you. It was never about going to work.

OP responded:

Thank you for this. The fact that he just peed in it is alarming. But more sickening is how much of an offensive he went. I literally got maybe two sentences in, and I wasn’t shouting I was just stunned. But somehow he gaslit me ti question my reaction?

Vaalbarian_man wrote:

Him: acts like an absolute piece of crap.

Also him: “you make me feel like an absolute piece of crap.”

NTA lmao.

OP responded:

Thank you for this, I was thinking I was going crazy 🥺

bizianka wrote:

NTA. That is gross. And I don't want to leave in society where this can be considered normal behaviour. He wasn't under attack in some bunker surrounded by zombies, he was just too lazy to walk a few meters and decided that he can toss off his "civilised man" mask.

mysterious_luck4674 wrote:

NTA. This is disturbing to me. He did something outrageous on purpose for some kind of reason, and I’m not sure what he was trying to prove. This man has some kind of problem. Whatever his reasoning is has to be problematic, sick, and/or creepy.

It’s honestly so gross. He could have peed outside if he was in such a hurry. Thoroughly washing the mug takes more time and effort than removing and putting shoes back on. He tried to shock and disgust you (and succeeded) then turned around and blamed and shamed you!

That’s ab**ive. This isn’t funny, and it’s a big deal. I wonder what other inappropriate stuff this guy does and why. It’s the kind of “ick” I’d never get over, and it’s so concerning to me I wouldn’t want to get over it, either.

certain_candidate248 wrote:

Gaslighting 101. He does something incredibly disgusting, and then tops it off by doing something even more disgusting (washing the mug) like it can be used again or even the sponge could be used again in the KITCHEN! And then blames you for his gross behavior and being a drama queen.

He was the drama queen because he was asked to take off his shoes, and he didn't want to simply because you asked and he probably resented it. He is a walking talking pig wallowing in his own urine and willing to allow you to as well by washing the mug in the kitchen.