'My postpartum wife broke my handmade glass sculpture a year ago. AITA for feeling resentment?' MAJOR UPDATE

"My postpartum wife broke my handmade glass sculpture a year ago. AITAH for still holding resentment about it?"

My wife and I have been married for 3 years, and we had our first baby last year. My wife did go through a lot of hormonal emotions post partum and she had a lot of mood swings. A couple of months post partum, she broke my handmade glass sculpture, which I had spent a couple of months working on as a birthday gift for my sister.

My wife called my name many times as she needed help, but I was working on the engravings for the sculpture and I was really concentrated on it. I was going to go to my wife in just a few minutes, but my wife got very frustrated, and she just barged into my room and threw the sculpture on the ground and it broke.

I was shocked, and my wife immediately apologized a lot, but I didn’t want to stress her out too much so I told her it was alright, and that I should have responded when she called my name. The next week, we went to the doctor and my wife got prescribed meds for PPD. My wife’s mood instantly shifted a lot after she started taking those meds.

My wife did apologize constantly and felt very guilty about breaking the glass sculpture, and she even cried a few times, but I told her it was alright and to let it go. It’s been a year now, and while we are back to normal, I still hold a lot of resentment. I feel like a part of my love for my wife was gone when she broke the sculpture, and I could not imagine anyone, let alone my wife, doing such a terrible thing. AITAH?

The commenters did not hold back one bit.

Paradox_Gaming562 wrote:

Talk it out, NOW!

Resentment rots a relationship.

Evening_Tax1010 wrote:

TBH, I would hold a lot of resentment for a partner who refused to help me when I needed help and was postpartum with a newborn.

I absolutely don’t condone breaking things but I do know that rage is part of depression and not having enough support definitely contributes to worsening PPD.

INFO: was this the only time she had to ask multiple times for help?

Single_Maybe_8021 wrote:

Really now? You had a new-born and your worn out wife needed you and you chose to spend time on a project that required concentration to the point you became deaf and unavailable to her needs? If I were your wife, I'd be the one who still feels resentment. Seriously, now. Grow up. She's apologised. Let go.

Equal-Brilliant2640 wrote:

And what item have you been spending months on making for your wife?

Or is she not worth the same wine and effort even though she was pregnant for 10 months carrying YOUR CHILD?!?!

Dude you were neglecting your wife for a trinket no wonder she was pissed at you

You need to pull your head out of your a--. Your wife and child should be your first priority, not a fancy doohickey for your sister YTA.

Main-Top-2881 wrote:

NTA, for having hurt feelings, but I feel like you and your wife have different perspectives of what actually happened. You see a crazy woman who smashed your sculpture, and she saw a man who wouldn't answer her cries for help who rather tend to a piece of glass than his wife or baby. Go see a therapist with your wife instead of the internet.

The next day, OP shared an update.

I read some of the comments and got some good suggestions. I realized I had to be honest and upfront with my wife.

My wife and I just had a long talk, where I finally told her about everything I was bottling up over the past year.

I told my wife I didn’t blame her since she had PPD, but it was just hard not to feel resentful. I told her I understood why she was frustrated at that moment, and that I should have immediately responded when she called me, but I told her I would have preferred if she shouted at me or even slapped me or something rather than breaking that sculpture.

That was just heartless and cruel.

My wife seemed very remorseful and apologized a lot again and cried. She asked if there was anything she could do to undo what she had done last year, and if there was any way I could not have that resentment since it really hurt her a lot.

I had thought about this for the past couple of hours, and I realized there was only one way where I could completely let go of that resentment. And I told my wife that. I told my wife I would be sewing a handmade memory quilt for my sister’s birthday next year. This would take almost a year, and I told my wife once I do finish and give my sister the gift, that’s when all my resentment would probably go away.

My wife seemed grateful and asked if she could help. I told her not for this gift, but maybe in the future. The truth is I don’t really feel super comfortable trusting my wife with this, given how she destroyed my previous gift. It’s psychological, and I’ll most likely regain the trust once I finish sewing the quilt. I haven't told my wife about the trust issue, as I think it's just a me issue, not my wife's issue.

The comments kept coming.

Archipelagogirl wrote:

You sound toxic AF. I’m not saying it was ok that your wife broke the sculpture but you’ve already made clear that:

1) she was suffering from PPD which is a very serious medical condition which affects judgment and impulse control, and 2) you were ignoring your newly post partum wife while she called for your help because you were prioritising an object over her when she was at one of the most vulnerable stages of her life.

Your wife had apologised profusely for what she did but you don’t seem to have done any kind of proper soul searching about the horrible way you treated her at that time.

And now after secretly harbouring resentment for her for a year, you’ve told her you still don’t trust her and will continue to hold her mistake over her head for another full year while you undertake some giant symbolic purging of your negative emotions towards her.

So your wife gets two years of punishment for an action she performed while seriously ill and which she has apologised for, meanwhile you get off scot free for your neglect and emotional manipulation.

I hope your poor wife uses this year to recognise that she deserves better than an emotionally ab-sive spouse who holds two-year long grudges and can’t face up to his own failures.

Sariclaws wrote:

OP holds onto resentment for a year and finally talks to his wife about it. Now he’s keeping secret that he doesn’t trust her either. Oh, and he’s working on a year long quilt while his child will be a toddler, and his wife will still need help. This can only end well.

DizzyCaidy wrote:

Dude are you kidding right now? The comments on your last post now are all calling you out for rightfully being an inattentive husband and father. I feel sorry for your wife who now believes she’s at fault fully for something that it seems like built up from constantly being ignored with a new born baby. YTA.

ClarityDreams wrote:

So your MO is just making sure that your wife is constantly walking on eggshells around you because she had the gall to ask for some help in the hardest time in her life and had a pretty human response to being ignored consistently?

YTA - leave the poor woman alone or cut the BS, it sounds like she’s already a single mother without dealing with your toddler tantrums too.

PS - your obsession with gifts for your sister is real weird.