'We went on our honeymoon and MIL kept texting us. AITA for my reaction to MIL?'

"Am I (F31) overreacting to my MIL's behavior? Went on honeymoon with husband (M39) and MIL (F60s) kept texting us."

Hi all,

Recently married and went on a two-week honeymoon out to Japan last month. During the 14 days we were there, MIL texted my husband 11 of those days.

I’m not sure if I’m overreacting to this, or if this is a normal relationship. But it’s been bothering me for a month after the trip. I did not grow up with a close or normal relationship with my own family, so I know my perception may be flawed.

I don’t talk to my family often, and I typically only text my family when I arrive and land in my destinations, and we usually leave each other alone during vacation time. So any advice would be appreciated to level me as I am worried I may be overreacting. We traveled to a very very safe and beautiful country.

MIL would text my husband multiple times during our trip (11 out of the 14 days), but the conversations weren’t anything of priority. It was messages saying things like “good morning” “look at my dog!” “It’s so cold today, look at the snow” “our power is out”...things that he really did not care about on our honeymoon.

At first my husband responded, but after the second or third day of this he got very annoyed and ignored her messages. I suppose she is not used to being ignored, because she kept texting him, concerned that she hadn’t heard from him. And then she started texting me to see if my husband was safe. After this, my husband told her that we are on our honeymoon and we aren’t talking to anyone.

He thought her messages would stop, but it didn’t. She kept texting my husband silly random messages even after being ignored. A few times my husband gave in and responded to her because he felt bad. I think the texting didn’t bother me until she started reaching out to me and especially the comments she made when we got back home.

She mentioned how upset she was that he did not respond to her. And my husband flipped out on her, basically saying that she was being overbearing. Then she made a comment about how this is how a real close family is, which kind of stung me because she knows how my family dynamic is and I felt like this was a passive-aggressive dig.

When we left, she made another comment about how she’s so sorry she ruined our honeymoon. To me, she didn’t ruin our honeymoon, but she was more like an annoyance on the side of it when we should have been in the presence of each other and enjoying our honeymoon.

I have spoken to my husband about this, and I think he understands my feelings. But a part of me also feels like he may not be setting enough of a boundary with his mom because he always feels bad for her. But I also feel like maybe I am overreacting and this is what a healthy loving relationship is like with a mom, and I don’t want to interfere or ruin their relationship.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

BusinessOstrich90 wrote:

Let me ask: was she like this before the honeymoon? As in, I’m assuming you lived together has she always shown these kind of obsessive signs?

OP responded:

Yes, she is pretty clingy and overly motherly to her sons. I’ve always just thought she was just very loving and family-oriented, but after this honeymoon I can see where boundaries may be needed.

Simplicity_itself84 wrote:

Seems like your husband is dealing with this alright. I wouldn't involve myself much more into this - it could backfire. Clearly your MIL has a thing or two to learn and he is showing her. How he "feels" about that is for him to work out...wishing you well.

OP responded:

You are right. I’m letting my husband handle this however he wants to.

individual_water3981 wrote:

I've never been on a honeymoon, but I text my mom or call her every day when I'm on vacation. But I live next door to her so I see her almost everyday too so this is normal for us. And she's 75 so it's mostly me making sure she's ok.

Based off of your husband's reaction, I'm assuming this isn't normal? I think he did his best given the circumstances. I would pay attention to if this behavior continues and if it does, to then bring it up again.

swarleyknope wrote:

I text and/or FaceTime my mom daily and she’s older now, so I probably would still do that on a honeymoon. I could also see her texting me and figuring I just won’t respond if I’m busy honeymooning, so not trying to hold back on texting any differently than normal.

The guilt-tripping and trying to “educate” you on what a close family is like (that would hurt my feelings too - it feels passive-aggressive) is inappropriate IMHO. It’s one thing for her to tell her son she was hurt; totally uncool for her to try to make it about you.

It sounds like your husband is willing to set boundaries. If it were me, I’d let it go since it’s in the past and won’t serve any purpose other than to potentially create friction in the family.

If directing complaints at you becomes a pattern, I’d just tell her that your husband’s texting/communication habits aren’t something you involve yourself with and she should take it up with him if she has any issues. Remove yourself from being caught in the middle and don’t give her your energy.

BaldChihuahua wrote:

This is neither healthy or loving. She was attempting to stay relevant in the most cringy way with her son! On his honeymoon! She wasn’t just overbearing, she was pathetic with her behaviour. She’s apparently wants the lead female role in his life, that’s your spot now.

She made a dig at you and then played the victim, sounds like this is her M.O as your DH always feels “bad” for her. He needs to see that for the manipulation that it is, not let Mummy take the piss. Firmer boundaries with her.