'AITA for not letting my roommates parents move into our apartment for free?'
"AITA - for saying my roommates parents cannot live with us for a month"
Working-Persimmon628 writes:
I recently moved into a three-bedroom apartment. There are three of us living here (23F, 24F, and 25F). When I was interviewing for this place, one of my roommates mentioned that her family visits, so they are around sometimes, and said nothing else.
It never occurred to me that she meant they stayed in the apartment instead of a hotel, and she never explicitly said that they stayed in the apartment, much less for two months out of the year.
I had no idea about this until my other roommate informed me and told me it has been going on for years and that she is quite uncomfortable with the mother, and specifically the father, staying here (it was vaguely mentioned to me in one offhand comment, but she was never told anything at all).
When I found out, I went to the property manager to discuss the specifics of our lease and the guest policy, as it is a violation and I wanted to understand the terms. We then had a conversation in person where I said the terms of the lease were acceptable (14 nights), but nothing longer, when she mentioned that her parents typically stay for a month at a time.
She said that she would honor the terms of the lease and gave us dates, but now she is lying and changing them. I am subletting for the summer, so it has been known that I will leave the apartment and then return.
Based on our most recent conversation, she would not give a straight answer and said that she was “stretching out” the time they would be spending, spanning a month, and that they would return to stay again a few weeks after that. The current roommate who is staying is also very upset, as the parents’ visit will now span a month and a half, almost the entire summer.
The other issue is that I am having trouble finding someone to sublet my apartment because of these changes. I was willing to lose a few hundred dollars to cover the half-month we were told at the beginning of the summer, but now that she has changed the dates, it will cost me at least a month or a month and a half’s rent, which is now thousands of dollars.
We tried to speak to her to come to a solution, and she has refused. The more we have discussed, the more we are realizing that she was always planning on having them stay for longer after I left.
My final word on the matter was that she has already violated the lease this term by having them stay for a month in the winter, and I do not want to evict her, but I will not lose money over this. They can come for the planned dates for two weeks, but no longer.
The property managers are aware that this has been an ongoing issue and have offered to help. We have tried twice to have a conversation with her, with eviction being our last resort, but she clearly does not respect our space, money, or the lease. Am I the a&#%ole?
Here are the top rated comments.
BigComfyCouch4 says:
Why can't her parents sublet your room for the summer? They want to visit for months; you want to rent out your room for months. It's all pretty weird, and this girl seems like a bad roommate. But this particular situation seems easy to resolve.
OP responded:
As far as I am aware they do not want to pay to stay anywhere, they have been staying for free for years and we live in an expensive city, if they wanted to pay for my room that would be fine, but our other roommate 23F is already uncomfortable having the father here.
shenme_ says:
NTA. Your roommate is violating the lease, as well as boundaries you’ve tried to establish with her around her parents staying. After setting boundary, when a person crosses it even after agreeing to respect the boundary, the next step is to tell them what the consequence will be if they break it again.
You’ve done that, and told them they will be evicted if they try to have their parents stay. If they don’t agree to not cross that boundary again, then you’re fully in your rights to make that consequence happen. Also, this would be messy, but if her parents want to stay the whole summer, why don’t they pay to sublet your room to make their stay legal?
ruyrybeyro says:
NTA. She’s taking the piss. You signed up for flatmates, not her mum and dad moving in like it’s a B&B. Stick to the lease, if she stays, lock your room if you can't sublet it, sounds like she’s eyeing your bed for her parents’ kip. Proper dodgy.