'AITA for boycotting my in-laws' Christmas unless SIL removes the stocking for my unborn son?'
"AITA for boycotting my in-laws' Christmas unless SIL removes the stocking for my unborn son?"
To preface, I (F) have been with my husband Todd for three years. He has a son (9) from his late wife. Todd is pretty close to his sister Monica. Their mom is deceased, and Monica has basically taken over. She's nice to me and all, but she seems to be a bit controlling, especially when it comes to Todd.
But that wasn't a real issue until after I got pregnant. After we found out the gender of the baby (a boy), she insisted on the name "Tommy," but I refused because I already had a name in mind, and Todd loves it.
However, he chose to stay out of the fight, saying maybe we should just let Monica call him Tommy. I refused and asked her to please respect me and the fact that I'm the mom, not her, and she said okay.
Like always, she's hosting Christmas for the family this year and invited me and Todd to Christmas dinner. I was intending on coming, that is until I discovered that she hung stockings with her kids, nephews, nieces' names, and hung a "Tommy" stocking, saying that it's for my son. I was livid. I lost it on her, and there was a huge fight.
I told her I won't be coming to her Christmas dinner if she doesn't remove the stocking or put the real name, and then I left. Todd started yelling at me when we got home, saying that I was attempting to ruin an important family tradition by refusing to come and said that I was overreacting and cannot be telling his sister what she should or shouldn't do in her own home.
He tried to convince me to come, but I said no. Not until she removes that stocking, and it doesn't look like she's going to do it because he spoke with her, and he's now mad at me for "making a huge deal out of it."
Her husband Philip, who's usually nice to me, called yesterday, saying that he spoke with Todd and he'd be devastated if I caused "the family" to miss the event at Monica's house and ruin it not only for the adults but for the kids as well since my stepson loves spending the holidays with his cousins.
Todd has been quiet, and the only way we communicate is through Philip. I feel ashamed. Maybe I overreacted. AITA?
OP responded to some comments:
AWholeNewFattitude says:
Wait, was there ever a Tommy? Like her Dad, or a child she lost? Or did she just arbitrarily like that name better and started calling your son that?
OP responded:
I have talked to him about it many times but to no avail. It's all just too stressful for me to bring up and the current conflict is making me 10× more stressed out.
antique_add says:
NTA. but husband and sil are. SIL decided to name your child. What kind of entitlement is that. She has no saying what you name your child, and your husband is not backing you but her. Tell her that she can only see your son Tommy and since you don't have a son named Tommy she's never going to see your child.
If you go and she decides to give you the stocking throw it out because she said I don't have anyone named Tommy. And your husband is a spineless jerk. He's staying out of it. It's his child, it's his sister. Step up and tell her to stop this stupid crap.
Don't go. Keep your boundaries and tell sister-in-law that Tommy ruined the party and not you or anyone else. If family really matters to her then she'll call your child the proper name. And if she continues to do that, look Street in the face. Call her Blanche constantly until she realizes I decided to give you a different name because it's what I want to call you.
cagriuluc says:
Philip should really talk to his insane wife instead, NTA.
becoming_maxine says:
NTA. I have to admit I'm kinda mean and if Todd attends doctor appointments with you I would tattle to the doctor about all the stress your husband and his sister are putting on you over labeling your son with a name that isn't the baby's.
I suggest you tell your husband you are done socializing with the in-laws until his sister starts therapy for her obsession. If she wants a child with that name she either needs to have another child or adopt.
As I said I am kinda mean, I would adopt a zoo animal. We got to name the one we adopted. Call it Tommy. Give her the adoption/donation papers and pictures to her for Christmas. Then whenever she refers to Tommy ask her questions about her zoo baby.