Spiritual-Witness-86 writes:
I (26F) and my partner (27F) planned a birthday dinner for her father (FIL) at a steakhouse. A while back, I received a gift and a $200 gift card to this restaurant as a thank-you from a contractor I work closely with, which I thought would be perfect for the occasion.
During Christmas, I opened the gift (with the gift card), and my SIL (31F) was there to see me holding up the gift card. She immediately suggested we use it for FIL's birthday. I agreed, but I didn’t realize she’d interpret “we” to mean she could invite her BF (recently reconciled after a year-long breakup) and go all-out with their orders.
A few days before the dinner, SIL asked if her BF could join. I was hesitant since he hadn’t been around for a year, and the family has mixed feelings about him. My partner doesn’t like conflict and said yes, so he came.
At the dinner, things got awkward fast. SIL and her BF ordered the most expensive items on the menu. They both ordered surf and turf with extra lobster tail, while the rest of us ordered modestly. Their meal alone was over $150. At the end of the meal, SIL then suggested dessert, but I declined since my partner and I had already bought a cake for FIL.
The bill came to approximately $300 after tax and tip. I used the gift card but still had to pay $100 with my credit card. I asked SIL to cover her and her BF’s share and split the cost of FIL’s meal with me, explaining that the gift card wasn’t “free money” for her and her BF to splurge. She got upset, said the gift card should cover everything, and stormed out with her BF.
Later, my partner and I drove my in-laws home and dropped them off in awkward silence. On the way back, my partner told me I was out of line, but I feel justified since SIL’s actions caused the bill to exceed the gift card’s value. AITA?
toeknee616 says:
NTA. The gift card was a gift for you, not for your family. They saw the opportunity to get a free meal with a gift card and took it. Asking for everyone to split the cost of the bill for your FIL's birthday is more than reasonable.
Radiant_Bee1 says:
NTA. Personally, I wouldn't have mentioned the gift card as being available for dinner for this. Even if you planned to use it, because the contractor probably didn't intend for you to use it for everyone.
I would have also told them up front that the gift card was covering 3 meals. Yours, your partner, and FIL. Everyone else would be responsible for their own meals. You could have easily then used it if you felt inclined to. You still aren't the asshole because the sister and bf pretty much ordered the most expensive knowing it wasn't them paying.
Dragon_Fire_Skye says:
NTA but your mistake was in not telling everyone upfront that you were only paying for yourself, your partner, and FIL. Of course, SIL and bf are AHs for ordering the priciest items.
TurboWaffleKing says:
NTA. Both your SIL and your partner sound like assholes. Why is your partner defending your SIL getting mad at you for no reason? That's the bigger problem here.
The comments here have helped me see things from a different perspective and will help me prevent such a thing from happening again in the future. I received a call from my FIL this afternoon (the dinner was last night). He called to thank me for organizing and paying for the dinner.
He also mentioned that he plans to call SIL later today to talk to her, though I’m not sure how much detail he will go into. So far, I’ve apologized to SIL for any miscommunication and for asking her to split at the dinner table. However, I haven’t received a response from SIL, and my partner has been cold toward me. Honestly, I don't expect to get paid back; this is just a lesson for me to learn.
This is probably my last update, and I think there’s a resolution to this problem. I got a call from SIL in the evening; she apologized and Venmoed me $100, which is better than nothing. My partner and I also had a serious discussion about their family, and I feel like there’s been some progress in improving the relationship between me and their family.
I’ve seen a lot of comments saying I have no backbone or that I’m a pushover, and that’s probably true to a certain degree. Their family dynamic is still new to me, and I didn’t want to make a bad impression in front of my FIL and MIL, so I held back. Unfortunately, I ended up snapping at the end. I’ve learned a valuable lesson to speak up for myself and not cave when things feel unfair.