'AITA for dropping out of my sister's wedding after she tried to make me wear an ugly dress?'

"AITA for dropping out of being my (step)sister's bridesmaid after she chose an awful dress for me?"

FamilyWoes90090 writes:

To give some background context first: my (step)sister and I were raised together from toddlers to be sisters, not stepsisters. Our parents met when I was 20 months old and she was almost 3. My dad had custody of me and her mom had custody of her. We never knew another family, so everyone saw us as siblings and we were treated like we were.

Something I was aware of, even when we were kids, is that she'd call herself an only child and say she had no siblings. That was mostly a school and with friends thing. She never said it around our family. But I always felt like she didn't see me as her sibling. We never had a close relationship, and the other siblings I grew up seeing had good and bad in their relationships.

I never knew any that were always distant. As an adult, of course, I know not all siblings are close and get along, so maybe I shouldn't read into it too much, but I often suspected the “step” mattered in why she was that way.

I remember she was always willing to help younger cousins look cute and she'd do makeovers for her friends’ younger siblings. Sometimes I'd even hear her say she'd love a little sister. But she never did those things with me. A few times I asked and she started grumbling, and I left it.

I had learned to accept we would never be close by the time I reached about 13 or 14. Which is why I was surprised when she asked me to be her bridesmaid. I wasn't asked to be her maid of honor, and I wasn't her only bridesmaid. She had 8 of us.

The others were her friends. I did notice I found out everything later than the others about stuff she wanted us to do. I didn't get invited to look at wedding dresses with the rest of the bridesmaids, but I was included when she went shopping for jewelry for the bridesmaids. We were all there.

Then we had two days of bridesmaid dress shopping. The first store, she liked nothing. But I remember feeling awkward because she had focused more on what she wanted for the others’ dresses. Then the second day was successful. Only I figured out immediately that she was trying the others in these really cute dresses, and I was getting dresses that either did not flatter my body or weren't pretty.

I should mention now that we were all going to wear different dresses and different colors. She wanted that. The other girls all loved what they were trying on, and I thought all the others looked so nice. But I hated everything she tried on me. And I felt like they got worse on me as we went on. I did speak up a couple of times because the others did. She listened to them but not to me.

I pulled her aside before we finished and asked her if there was anything else she liked for me to try on because I felt like the other girls had nicer dresses. She told me it wasn't my wedding and I was meant to do what she wanted.

I told her I understood, but she was okay with hearing out the others. She walked away from me and went back to them. I was texting my boyfriend, and he said the dress wasn't very flattering on me. Even the lady who was helping us said the dress could be tailored to better fit my body if I wanted to try that.

But I saw it as a sign that I wasn't really wanted and she was using it as a chance to make me feel less than. So I got changed and went back out to her and said I wasn't working out as a bridesmaid and she could find someone else.

She didn't try to stop me, but she went to our family and they were asking why I'd do that. They told me it seemed silly to step down over a dress and that we're sisters and this is special. I told them it was about more than just the dress, but she was always careful to hide the other stuff from them, so now they think I'm the TA.

I'm doubting myself now. But I did show some others what she was dressing me in, and everyone says the same thing. And I showed what one of the other bridesmaids posted, and they see what I'm talking about. Plus, my friends and boyfriend believe me about the history between us. I know our parents think I'm being sensitive and now overreacting. AITA?

OP responded to some comments.

WasabiHeadx says:

NTA. She doesn't sound like a very nice person. I definitely wouldn't want to be bridesmaid for her. Shame your parents don't seem to believe/understand what you have putting up with for the past however many years!

OP responded:

She's nice to others and I've seen her be really kind to people. Just never to me. My parents have never witnessed any of it for themselves and they see her asking me to be her bridesmaid as proof that it's all in my head basically. I wish I could show them exactly how it's been.

turquoise_turtle83 says:

Its very hurtful that your parents don’t believe you, and maybe its symptomatic for the dynamic during the childhood then. They don’t want to see how mean she is to you. This is totally unacceptable and just plain cruel. Don’t second guess yourself. You see what she is doing, and rest with the knowledge your friends and bf and even other bridesmaids can see it.

Maybe its not realistic that your parents will understand. Unless you try to give them the full story. If i were you i would decline participating. Her behavior is not one to cherish or celebrate so she can be on her own as the only sibling she chose to be. Focus on those who appreciate you instead. She is not worth it.

OP responded:

It is hurtful but I know she's good at hiding it. She was always careful to not say out loud the denial that we were siblings around the adults in our family. Like the comment about wishing she had a little sister. That was always said when the adults weren't around.

Same thing for telling people she was an only child. It never happened where our parents or other family could hear. But I still wish my parents could at least see that she was never affectionate or close with me. And think maybe there's some truth to what I'm saying.

What do you think?