'My sister keeps posting our personal relationship on her public blog. I am at my wits end.' UPDATED

"My [F26] sister [F23] keeps posting personal details of our relationship on her public blog/twitter. She doesn’t seem to understand why I don’t like this, and I am at my wits end."

Whenever I do something that upsets my sister, her first reaction is to post it on her personal albeit public blog and her twitter. She doesn’t come and talk to me about the issue, or how we can work through it, and instead publicly posts about the issue, often using negative language and insulting me. This is an on-going issue that has been occurring for many years.

I have asked her numerous times to please stop posting about me on her blog/twitter, and that if she has an issue with something I am doing with her, to please come talk to me first, but her reaction is always the same: she claims that “nobody cares” that she vents about her family online, and that it’s her “personal blog/twitter” and because of that she can do whatever she wants on it.

I’ve tried explaining to her that this is disrespectful to me, and that while yes, it is her personal blog/twitter, she is posting about me in a public sphere on the internet, and therefore it is no longer “personal."

It is upsetting to me because I feel like I can no longer have a relationship with her, because I live in the constant fear that if I do so little as breathe wrong, my actions will be blogged/tweeted about without so little as her coming to me first to discuss the issue.

In the past, she used to tweet/blog about me and my ex-boyfriend, and how she hated him, and would tweet about us having s-x (me and my sister used to live together). I don’t live with her anymore, thankfully, but when I go to visit my mother (where she lives), there’s always the chance that I’ll do something and she’ll react by blogging/tweeting about it.

More recently, she posted about how I ruined her day and was insensitive for posting a photo of our father on the anniversary of his passing and sharing a few positive memories I had of him on FB. She claimed I didn’t think of anyone but myself when posting that photo (I felt bad that this upset her, but he was my dad too, and I wanted to hear some positive memories about my father from his friends).

When I tried to talk to her about the issue, she stopped responding to me and proceeded to tweet/blog about how she “doesn't have time” for my “whiney bulls--t” and that I needed to stop be so sensitive. I am at a loss of what to do here. Is there anyway I can get her to stop posting about me online? Or AITA?

TL;DR My sister keeps posting personal details of our relationship on her public blog/twitter whenever I do something that upsets her and refuses to discuss the issues she has with me before hand. What can I do in this situation?

The internet did not hold back one bit.

[deleted] wrote:

""she claims that “nobody cares” that she vents about her family online,""

Say "I care".

""And that it’s her “personal blog/twitter” and because of that she can do whatever she wants on it.' Say "Yes, you can. And when you choose to do so, you are irreparably damaging our relationship."

""When I tried to talk to her about the issue, she stopped responding to me and proceeded to tweet/blog about how she “doesn't have time” for my “whiney bulls--t” and that I needed to stop be so sensitive."" OMG just cut her out already. Your sister is a hateful asshole who despises you. Why are you putting up with this abuse and public shaming from her?

OP responded:

I've recently blocked her on all public media and have tried to keep any conversations we have on a face-to-face basis. In the past, she has screen shotted our conversations and posted them to her twitter (with my phone number in them no less).

However, any conversations that I've had with her face-to-face end up, I end up being stonewalled. She shuts down and refuses to discuss anything.

everyoneis_gay wrote:

I post about family members/friends on my twitter, but it's a padlocked account and I trust everyone who I allow to follow it - it's basically griping to friends indirectly. If she needs an outlet, it needs to be a private one like this. It being public is massively unfair.

OP responded:

Her account is public and she has 70+ followers. Not that that is a lot by any means, but it still bothers me. I doubt she knows every single person that follows her personally, and if anyone was to look up her account, the tweets are there for the whole world to see.

whatthefrell wrote:

That's pretty pathetic coming from someone her age and it might be better hearing it from someone other than you. Her passive aggressive "whiney bulls--t" makes her look like a sad shut-in who can't face their personal problems like a normal adult. Personally I'd find her accounts and flag them all for har-ssment to see if they get taken down and then just avoid her like the plague.

[deleted] wrote:

My Dad did this and it's one of the main reasons I don't have a Facebook anymore. It caused a lot of issues and I pretty much didn't talk to him for a long time. I'd suggest doing the same thing with your sister. She sounds incredibly immature (like my father) and needs to know that she's going to lose her relationship with you if she can't learn to communicate like an adult.

Two years later, OP shared an update.

After reading through everyone's responses and taking time for myself to see how I really felt about the whole situation, I did as I said I was going to do, and blocked my sister on all forms of social media. I also cut her out of my life (albeit, temporarily). For about 8 months, I didn't speak to her, nor make any attempts at communicating with her.

That summer (so about 2 months after I had stopped contact with her), my sister moved away for school. My mother eventually got wind of the situation from my brother (who was 24 at the time and has never been particularly close with our younger sister) and asked me why I wasn't talking to my sister.

Initially she was judgmental, but after explaining to her my sisters repeated behavior of posting personal details about me online (including my phone number and details about my s-x life), my mother was furious and agreed that I had every right to cut her out of my life.

At one point, my mother, during a phone conversation with my sister, called her out, calling my sister childish, petty, and vindictive and said that if she ever found out that she was posting any intimate details about ANY family members online like that again, she wouldn't hesitate to find a lawyer.

She also threatened to kick my sister out of the house if she didn't stop her nonsense (while she was away at school, she did live at my mom's house during summer breaks/holidays). I'm not sure if there was any actual legal repercussions my mom could have made against her, but it was enough to make my sister set her blog/twitter to private after my mom browbeat her into submission for being sh--ty.

Due to this, my sister and my mom had a huge falling out as well, with my sister repeating the same old adage of how it was her "personal" blog/twitter so she could do whatever she wanted with it/on it. Christmas rolled around and me and sister still weren't talking, and while my mom had patched things up with her to a degree, it was an awkward holiday. Me and my brother both live independently.

When we went over to visit for holiday stuff, were civil and polite towards our sister, but we never failed to notice her on her phone 24/7. We could only speculate what she was doing, but I was less bothered now that she had set her blogs to private. Regardless, during a dinner at one point, she was on her phone and my mom asked her to put her phone down so we could have "family" time.

She responded along the lines of "yeah, one minute", and my brother made a jab about how she was probably too busy posting "bulls--t lies" about us on the internet. I should mention that while my sister doesn't seem to care what I think/ask of her, she has always seemed to respond and care about what my brother thinks.

She tried to fight him on his comment for a minute, but he shut her down, calling her "a f--king child" who just wants "internet points" and straight up said that if she was " a decent f--king human being" she would talk to us about her problems instead of cowering behind a screen.

She shut up after that and retreated to her room after dinner was done. After Christmas, I continued to have zero contact with her. I would hear about how she was doing in school via our mom from time to time, but still had her blocked on all social media.

She came home for the summer to work, and that summer our Grandma (my deceased father's mother) passed. My sister ended up having a complete breakdown due to the culminating and unworked through grief surrounding our father (who had died 2 years previous) and now our Grandma. She started going to therapy and actually taking her medication.

Eventually, she reached out and apologized to me about her behavior the past few years. We had a sit down that fall, over some beers and talked about everything that had happened and her behavior. I told her while I accepted her apology, it would take some time for me to work through her how behavior had affected me and our relationship.

I unblocked her on FB so we could make a group chat with our brother as a buffer. We now occasionally talk, but we still aren't as close as we used to be when we were younger. I actually went to lunch with her the last time she was in town and it felt...okay. So that's it, here we are.

TL;DR: Blocked my sister on all forms of social media and cut contact, only participating in it during holiday events/funerals. Brother and mother supported my decision and made it clear to her they didn't stand for her behavior. Sister ended up going to therapy and actually taking her medication and later apologized. We occasionally talk now, but we aren't close anymore.

The comments kept coming in.

what_is_thiss wrote:

Ugh, I have a sister who would take pictures of me at events (like meeting an Instagram famous dog) off my personal Facebook page and would tweet them to celebrities that she regularly tweets at. It annoyed me so much. FWIW, I don't post on Facebook anymore nor talk to that sister anymore (due to other drama), but that shouldn't stop you from posting on Facebook.

Anyways, my sister also has a blog for books she writes (that sadly nobody reads except her circle of book friends), and she talks a lot about her personal life and her relationships with her sisters. It drives me crazy, and I hate when you google search my name, you can find her blog where I'm talked about.

OP responded:

Right? It's incredibly intrusive. Beyond that, my career requires me to have a very limited online presence due to professionalism and it was horrifying to think that potential employers could google my name and find it plastered on her twitter in relationship to her petty complaints about me.

riversntallbuildings wrote:

"She started going to therapy and actually taking her medication. Eventually, she reached out and apologized to me about her behavior the past few years. We had a sit down that fall, over some beers."

All due respect, but if she’s on medication for mental health, please try to encourage her sobriety from alcohol as well. Society seems to downplay how powerful of a drug alcohol is. I can’t tell you how much my depression and anxiety decreased a few months after I stopped drinking regularly.

This Naked Mind is a book that has a wonderful chapter on this.

Glad to hear your family is all working through this, and my condolences on your losses of loved ones.

OP responded:

Thanks for your virtual support. To clarify, I realize the damaging effects of alcohol, especially on medication and in relation to mental health (father had passed of alc*holism).

I don't think she has a drinking problem, although again, that's just speculation seeing as how we live in two different cities and rarely seen one another in person these days. I would hope that she doesn't begin to ab*se alcohol however, as we are both intimately aware of how it can destroy a person.

SongRiverFlow wrote:

I feel kind of bad for your sister. As insufferable as she was, and as wrong as her behavior was, it sounds like your family doesn't have the best communication style and there's a reason she felt she couldn't talk to you guys. Does your brother always talk to her like that? To be clear, she was 100% wrong and you were well within your rights to cut off contact with her, I'm just curious about the family dynamics.

OP responded:

No, it was a one off incident stemming from her behavior. While he's never been very chatty or open as a person, his abrupt and abrasive response was surprising. Whenever he had tried to talk to her about the whole thing that had been happening between us (again, they've never been particularly close, sibling-wise), she would stonewall him in the same way she stonewalled me.

He told me during Christmas that year it felt like we were all walking on eggshells around her because she refused to acknowledge the issue or work on it (or even apologize) and yet here we were, trying not to do anything to upset her, least she run off and post it online.

Admittedly, not the best way to talk to someone, and also admittedly, all of us do need to work on our communication skills (growing up in a dysfunctional family).