'AITA for telling my sister she lost me the moment she considered dating my ex that almost ruined my life?'
"AITA for telling my sister she lost me the second she even considered dating my ex?"
Extension-Simple7312 writes:
I (28F) was with a guy called Jason (29M) when we were 20 and 21 years old. We broke up when I was 22 after I found out he had not only cheated on me but also knew he had contracted an STD from sleeping around and didn’t tell me. He had known about it and was told he needed to inform any partners because of the risks associated with this STD to fertility, and he said nothing.
I remember when I told my family what had happened, they were all there to support me, and my sister (27F) was one of them. I moved on and met my husband a year after breaking up with Jason. Thankfully, I was able to get pregnant, and we have a baby together.
But I never forgot what Jason did. Cheating was bad enough, but you can move on from that. The STD was what made it not only unforgivable, but I would have taken issue with anyone in my family even becoming friends with him after that point.
Three months ago, my sister asked me if I would be okay with her dating Jason. She told me she didn’t want to lose me, but they had met again after several years, she liked him, and he had changed.
I walked away from my sister without saying a word, and she started dating Jason officially. But when she asked me the way she did, I would guess they had been unofficial before that point and not just friendly.
I have shut my sister out of my life, and she has not been allowed to meet my child. The rest of the family stands by me and respects my decision, but they have not shut her out of their lives, which is totally fine and not an issue for me.
But my sister doesn’t like that. She has tried to get in touch with me several times, crying and asking me to hear her out. I have run into her once since, and I ignored her. She was talking to me, but I acted like she was a ghost I couldn’t see or hear.
She ambushed me at my house the other day and told me she didn’t want to lose me. She said she would break up with Jason if I stopped ignoring her and that we could go back to being sisters. I told her she lost me the second she even considered dating him. I said I might not have known about it in that moment, but once I heard she wanted to date him, knowing what he did to me, it was over.
She’s crying about it now, and our family is refusing to hear her out. My youngest sister (24F) told me she’s trying to get the rest of the family to confront me about it, but nobody will. She does think our sister is genuinely hurt about this, but she feels like it’s her own fault, and I agree.
But I know what I said to her might have been overly harsh because even thinking about it—without acting on it—would have led to this, which might be wrong of me. So I’m here to ask, AITA?
OP responded to a commenter:
Huge_Mistake_3139 says:
NTA - I’m not sure what your sister expected to happen, but that’s pretty low. I am curious how holidays and family gatherings work. Since your family still allows her to show up, do you just not go?
OP responded:
I get the invites to gatherings. They talk to her still but she's not invited to that stuff and it was made clear that is extra firm because she is not allowed to bring Jason around the rest of the family.
Huge_Mistake_3139 responded:
Then I would say your family is doing the right thing. Typically they “stand by you,” but still invite the family member that was clearly in the wrong.
OP responded:
I've heard of that and I always hate it. My family has really stood by me and I'm incredibly grateful.