'WIBTA for supporting my nephew after my manipulative sister realized she wouldn't get the wedding she wants?'
My sister refuses to attend her son’s wedding. WIBTA if I do the parental duties at his wedding?
ThrowRAfrustratedqn writes:
My (45F) nephew (25M) (aka my sister’s (52F) son and only child) and his fiancée recently got engaged and are planning to have the wedding about six months from now. Three years ago, my sister was given a maximum of six months to live.
During this time, my sister, her husband, and many of our extended family members (my nephew’s aunts, uncles, and cousins on both sides) started pressuring and trying to guilt-trip him into getting married quickly via an arranged marriage (we are Indian-American, but most of our extended family lives back home) so my sister could see her only child get married.
My nephew refused to get married that quickly, citing that he wasn’t going to rush such an important decision for any reason. I told him that he had my support no matter what he chose to do. My sister miraculously ended up surviving, but the close relationship she once had with my nephew was never the same afterward.
Two years ago, my nephew started dating a girl, and they recently got engaged. Our specific ethnic group tends to be dual faith, meaning we follow two religions and it is possible to perform marriage rites by one or both faiths.
My nephew’s fiancée only follows one of these religions. My nephew says that he is fine with having just one wedding ceremony (through the religion his fiancée follows), while my sister is adamant that they do two wedding ceremonies, one for each religion.
My sister is still angry that my nephew didn’t listen to her three years ago and didn’t get married then, and is using this to emotionally blackmail my nephew into having his wedding according to her wishes.
My nephew is rightfully stubborn and refuses to give in, resulting in my sister and her husband threatening not to come to the wedding and not perform the parental duties at his wedding.
My nephew took my sister’s words at face value and messaged me yesterday, telling me what happened and asking if my husband and I could fill in for his parents at the wedding. I haven’t responded to him yet.
I called my sister today and tried to reason with her that she was going to end up missing her only child’s wedding if she continued trying to manipulate my nephew into having his wedding according to her wishes.
I told her that if she didn’t fix things and was set on skipping the wedding, my husband and I would step in and perform the parental duties. She doubled down and threatened to cut me off if I did this and said I had no right to interfere in her relationship with her son or be involved in the wedding as anything more than a guest.
Right now, I’m 99% sure that my sister is not going to change her mind. WIBTA if I honor my nephew’s request?
Here are the top comments:
Broad-Discipline2360 says:
NTA (Not the A^$#ole). You are not interfering, your nephew INVITED you to do the parental duties. You would only be interfering if you were trying to pressure your nephew into something. Your sister is being really really foolish.
Glad_Performer_7531 says:
NTA and honestly sounds like your sister doesnt like or respect your nephew. The way she behaves I'm surprised your nephew hasnt already gone no contact with his parents.
Informal_Bass1832 says:
Ok, this got me curious, what exactly are the "parental duties"? Anyways, NTA, your nephew asked you to do this, I'm guessing he talked this with his fiancée.It's his wedding and he wants you to be part of it in this way. It sounds like it would be best if your nephew and his mother go no contact.
OP responded:
A couple of events and rituals that are usually done by the parents in the days just before the wedding. Specific to the wedding, there's a 4-5 minute hymn that's sung where the groom, bride, and parents must stand up for during the ceremony.
What do you think?