'AITA for refusing to be my sister's MOH because she wants me to change my appearance?'

"AITA for backing out of being my sister’s maid of honor after she demanded I change my appearance?"

madieexlopez writes:

I’m a 30F, and my younger sister Amy (28F) is getting married in a few months. We’ve always had a close relationship, so naturally, she asked me to be her maid of honor, which I was thrilled about. I've been super involved in the planning—dress shopping, helping with invitations, and even throwing her the bridal shower.

Now, a little context: I’ve always had a very unique sense of style. I have colorful hair (currently bright blue), a couple of visible tattoos, and a nose piercing. My style is a big part of who I am, and Amy has never had a problem with it before.

But a couple of weeks ago, she sat me down and told me that, for the wedding, she wants me to “tone down” my look—specifically, dye my hair back to a natural color, cover my tattoos, and take out my nose ring.

She said she wants a “classic, elegant” wedding and doesn’t think my current look fits with that aesthetic. I was pretty hurt because I’ve always been myself, and it felt like she was asking me to change who I am for her big day. I told her I wasn’t comfortable with making those changes, but I’d still love to be her maid of honor.

Well, Amy wasn’t happy. She basically said it’s her wedding, and as her maid of honor, I should be willing to make a small sacrifice for one day. When I refused, she said if I couldn’t do that, she’d rather have someone else as her maid of honor. So… I told her I’d step down.

Now my family is in an uproar. My mom says I should just dye my hair and change it back after the wedding to avoid drama. My sister's fiancé even called me to tell me I’m being selfish and ruining her big day. Amy won’t speak to me and has already asked one of her friends to be the new maid of honor.

I feel really conflicted because I don’t want to hurt my sister or ruin her wedding, but I also feel like she’s asking too much of me. AITA for refusing to change my appearance and stepping down as maid of honor?

Here are the top comments:

dryadduinath says:

NTA. Your sister sounds really shallow and selfish. You feel like she’s asking too much of you because she is. Imagine your own wedding. Now imagine telling your sister and mom they need to match your aesthetic at that wedding, and they can dye their hair back after. How are they reacting, in your mind?

…Yeah. This is a gray rock situation. Just keep saying no, and decline to discuss it further. If they push beyond that, maybe mention how extremely weird they’re being about this.

CuriousAd1376 says:

When the aesthetic of the wedding gets more important than the people she's supposed to be celebrating with. NTA.

Chilly_0556 says:

Aesthetics of weddings is fine. What’s not fine is treating human beings as an aesthetic. They’re not. People need to let their guests be themselves, and not be such a jerk. NTA.

No-Boat-1536 says

I will never understand why people want some generic costume for their loved ones at their wedding instead of having pictures of their big day that reflect the full glory of their tribe. NTA but please keep talking. She can hire some models to stand up with her and give her her instagram wedding, or she can come to her senses. Don’t double down.

What do you think?