'AITA for telling my sister to stop being jealous that I have my name?'
"AITA for telling my sister to stop being jealous that I have my name?"
No_Calendar88 writes:
I'm (17f) the youngest of 5, and my oldest sister, Barbara (27f), is expecting a baby girl in July. Barbara and I were never close. She always resented me more than our other siblings, though she has issues with two others as well and isn't very close to them.
But me? Oh, she has said multiple times our family would have been better if our parents never had me. She blames her dislike on me being such a baby my whole life and how our parents coddled me. None of my other siblings feel the same way she does. My brothers (the two siblings she also has issues with) said Barbara always had weird resentments about the three of us.
My other sister (the one sibling she has a good relationship with) told me to ignore Barbara, and her hate for me is irrational and comes from her being envious of another girl in the family, if anything. From what my sister told me, Barbara feels life would have been better with just the two of them in the family. So, it is what it is. I gave up on expecting our relationship to improve with time.
Now I feel like I might have another piece of the puzzle as to why she hates me, and this is centered around names. My name is Lark, and apparently, Barbara loves the name and wants to name her baby Lark, but she doesn't want to name her after me, doesn't want us to share a name, and feels it's so unfair that Lark is off the table all because of me.
When it's not, but her hatred of me is why she has it off the table. She doesn't want her daughter to grow up close to me. She said it herself. This was mentioned on Saturday, and Barbara went from grumbling about it to screaming in my face that it was so unfair and I was so selfish and she would never name her kid after me.
She asked why I had to steal the name she wanted most for her daughter. It pissed me off, and I told her to shut up and stop screaming at me because I didn't choose my name, our parents did, and I had no say in what they named me.
I also accused her of being jealous of my name and hating me so passionately for that. I told her I chose none of our names and I never prevented her from naming her daughter Lark.
Barbara and her husband accused me of dismissing her feelings. My siblings and parents told her to leave and stood by my side. But Barbara's husband said I had the chance to really be a good sister and I chose instead to treat her like she was unreasonable. I think she was. The rest of the family does too. But am I the a%^#ole for what I said?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
warclonex says:
NTA (Not the A%#^ole), your sister sounds delulu and in need of some serious help. How any of that makes sense in someones head like your name was "chosen" and "used" when she was 10 effectively by your parents. It's not like you legally changed it last year, like what in the world goes on in her and apparently her husbands heads.
OP responded:
Right? She acts like I made a choice on my name. Like I chose it right as they were going to have a kid so she couldn't use her favorite name. But I think it's all connected to her hatred of me.
SockMaster9273 says:
Well, you see, once you were birthed, you came out with a pen. With all your baby strength and dexterity, you were able to walk over and sign the birth certificate stating your name is "Lark middle name last name." Did you parents never tell you? NTA.
OP responded:
They didn't and now I'm so sad I'll go cry over not realizing I had baby super strength for a few minutes after I was born.
DivergingParallelism says:
NTA and I don't understand what Barbara and her husband are expecting from you? To not have existed? Do they want you to change your name so that it becomes "available" again? This is insane!
OP responded:
She expects me to have not existed at all and would greatly prefer that. He would like me to change my first name for her, as an act of sisterly love and support.
Upset-Chair-208 says:
NTA - it seems like you need to cut her off or go low contact with her, she’s obviously got some major jealousy issues she needs help with, if she brings it up ignore her and go to your parents if you can.
OP responded:
I think no/low contact will be the only way once I turn 18. Clearly we'll never be able to have a civil relationship.
What do you think?