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'My son filed charges against me and my husband because we made him go to college.' UPDATED 2X

'My son filed charges against me and my husband because we made him go to college.' UPDATED 2X

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There are times when the only way to get your point across is to set a hard limit.

"My son [19M] filed h*r*ssment charges against me and my husband because we were making him go to college."

Me and my son moved to US last year. I was a single mom for 16 yrs before I met and then married my husband. I saved up money so he can go to college. Where I came from, college is very important. We moved to a small town and my son found new friends. These friends in my opinion were not a good influence. I am used to polite and academically oriented kids back home.

These new friends of his make fun of his books and his plans of going to college. Before his HS graduation, me and my husband took him to several unis in the state so he could get a feel for which one he would like to go to. Then after he graduated from HS, I told him I have about $20k saved up for college. He said it is not going to fit because tuition is pretty expensive nowadays.

I suggested he can just go to a community college 20 mins away and live at home to save money. He agreed and I gave him access to the fund (joint account). Long story short, he did not enroll himself and instead started partying a lot and used the money on expensive dates with his gf.

He moved out and stopped talking to me. I worked hard to save that up for more than a decade and I am upset that he wasted it in less than a year. Me and my husband went to his place and asked that he pay me back since it is specifically for college and not "fun money." He called the po*ice and filed har*ssment charges.

I told the police to review the cctv footage because the whole time I was talking to him through his ring cam, I was calm and reasonable and my husband was just standing behind me not saying anything. I was outside the door talking, he never even opened the door to talk to me face to face. The p*lice said there's nothing he can do if my son and his gf felt "h*rrassed."

He can file a restraining order if he wants to. Back home, this is unforgivable to treat your parent like this. But here in US, I was treated almost like a criminal. My sister in law said it is my fault for confronting him and that the money is his to spend since I made him a joint account owner. Am I wrong?

Not long after, OP shared an update.

Edit: People cursing me because I said something about wanting to throw my chancla on my son's face, to be clear I have never laid my hands or my flip flops on him ever. But after what he did, my intrusive thoughts wants me to throw it but of course I won't. If he called the cops on me just because I want to talk to him, what more if I threw my flip flops on his face?

His relationship with me before moving to US was fine. He knew my struggle as a single mom and he always try to help me around the house. I was not strict at all he was free to go out with friends anytime. He was even thrilled to have a father figure and my husband always try to make him feel included in everything.

The commenters had a lot to say.

ManufacturerAny835 wrote:

Lesson learned never give someone access to money unless you’re ok with them running away with it.

OP responded:

He was a good boy before moving here. I thought he knew my struggles and how much I sacrificed to save money. I just thought he would never betray me like this.

dingdongsbtchs wrote:

Honestly I think a lot of parents don’t realize the depth of their children and forget that just because you think of them as one way doesn’t mean they don’t have other layers that can make them a different person.

Sadly your son has found some less than savory friends to surround himself with and now he has to live with the decision he made. I honestly wouldn’t offer help for university again and would leave communication up to him. Also has there been any questions or discussion of potential dr#g use?

OP responded:

I don't know of any dr#g issue but since he did this to me, I am thinking maybe he has started doing dr#gs?

2workigo wrote:

The money is gone. And since he was a joint account holder and a legal adult, there’s nothing to be done except refuse to help him financially anymore. Let him figure it out on his own from now on. The friends he had will likely drift away now that he no longer has a fat bank account to fund their party lifestyle.

Two weeks later, OP shared an update.

I still have not heard from my son and I don't expect him to reach out. But his gf's mother has called me asking if my house is still open to him. I asked her why, it turns out he hasn't paid his share of the last month's rent and his gf had to pay it for him. I said it is not my problem and he is not welcome anymore in my house since he is an adult.

The gf's mom said "what kind of mother would not extend help to his teenage son?" She further insulted me and said now she knows why he left me. At this point I really don't care anymore. I tried to help him get a good start in life but he wasted it. Aside from the $20k, he lived rent free in the house, free food, free phone, car, gas money, and I pay all the utility bills and his health insurance.

All I asked is that he focus on his studies. Finish at least an associate's degree so he can get a decent job and be fully independent from me asap.

For some who asked why college is so important to me, as an immigrant, we are held under certain standards.

We have to prove to USCIS that we will not become a public charge -- meaning we won't rely on any government aid. I want him to be able to be a good immigrant and become productive. I don't even know if he can become a citizen if he makes below poverty income. I was just trying to make sure he gets to live a good life.

Some of you asked if he even wanted go to to college. Back when we were in our home country, he begged me to pls send him to college no matter what.

P.S. The har#ssment charge was closed for lack of evidence of har#ssment, a lot of what he said were lies.

Edit: Another thing that gave me chills was when he moved out it was the middle of the night and me and my husband were both asleep. My son left the front door hanging open (I saw it in the camera). We live in a small town but there's a lot of crime in our area, someone could have gone in and done something bad.

The comments kept flowing in.

uarstar wrote:

Isn’t your son 18? So you not charging him rent and covering his expenses is literally your duty as a parent.

OP responded:

19, actually turned 20 already a week ago.

Andr0meD0n wrote:

Now the only money he should get from you is coins in his cup and some cold McDonald’s fries. I don’t mind if my kids live with me forever, they just have to do something, anything.

OP responded:

Yeah, I just really wanted him to do something to not be considered a 'public charge' by USCIS. Community college here in my town is just $5k/25 credit hours. They offer trade programs aside from associate's. That $20k would have gone a long way considering I was paying for everything else plus allowance and his salary from a part time job.

No_Scarcity8249 wrote:

He didn’t live free. You were supposed to be supporting him. You doing what you are legally required to do isn’t some favor. You paying his health insurance and providing what you are supposed to isn’t something he got “free”. That is expected and required if all parents.

OP responded:

Most parents kick their kids out the moment they turn 18 or make them get a full time job. I continued providing for him and planned on doing so until he was able to stand on his own but since he did that he won't get any more support from me.

SnooWords4839 wrote:

His GF's mom has no right to b#$ch you out.

Your son left, spend his college fund and now has to figure out how to adult.

You do not owe him anything at this point.

bluedreamer62 wrote:

Some people just have to learn the hard way, his gf probably had a good time with him spending his college fund now that it’s gone the fun is over. So comes the reality.

Sources: Reddit
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