'My work team sent me a bag of garbage while I was recovering from surgery.' UPDATED 2X

You learn a lot about the people around you when you're in a dark place.

"My team sent me a bag of garbage while I was recovering from surgery."

I’m currently covering a maternity leave and had to go in for a not insignificant surgery. It was complicated by the fact I seem to be working in the real-life version of Mean Girls, most frequently with a Regina George stand-in.I ended up having my surgery, and negotiating remote work for my recovery. I’m feeling a lot less stressed, even though I logged back in the day after my procedure and got right back to it.

Today, two coworkers I’ve gotten close to came by for a visit and the weirdest work-gift situation ever came up. They both gave me a lovely gift, and treated me to dinner. And then sheepishly looked at each other, sighed, and said the office had a gift as well.

I could tell they felt weird about it. It was a reusable shopping bag filled with garbage. A used pair of unwanted, scuffed shoes, several junk mail brochures, expired tea from the office kitchen, some dusty old plaques from the 90s, and a Sublime cd (one of the songs is called “Date R#pe”). I was taken aback. I asked what this was supposed to be?

They told me the people at the office said they should try to keep a straight face like this was a legitimate gift, that it was supposed to give me a laugh. It did not. I said I really appreciated the thoughtful gift/dinner/visit the two of them had given me, but that this “joke” gift wasn’t really appropriate and didn’t fit the relationship we all have as coworkers.

Rather than gentle ribbing, it felt like being in grade 9 gym class all over again. They apologized profusely and I asked them to take the bag back with them on the way out (with the injury recovery, I can’t actually leave my apartment for the next while), because I couldn’t get it down to the garbage myself.

Don’t get me wrong, I like joke gifts! I’ve given them and received them in the past. But when I’ve been on a team that did this: (a) it wouldn’t be actual garbage, and (b) it would be followed by something thoughtful (restaurant delivery/grocery/taxi gift cards/etc.). They just gave me actual garbage. And I’m going to be asked how I liked my “gift” on Monday, and I have no idea what to say.

Typically I would do a warm thank-you and find something to like about a gift (even if it wasn’t my thing), but what do you even say about this? That I was confused? That I’m not sure what to say? I don’t really want to laugh along with it. I thought it was awful. Any advice would be much appreciated! I’ve not really encountered a situation like this before, and most of my friends are just as stumped.

Not long after posting, OP jumped on with an update.

Hey, already an update. I got asked how I liked the gift on a call this morning, and I said I didn’t really understand it or have a place for anything in the bag. And couldn’t get down to take it out myself and so asked the coworkers to take it back with them.

They seemed to honestly think I would enjoy it (???). It’s so bizarre. I’m so glad I’m working from home.

As for my couple nice coworkers, it’s definitely a case of the office being so awful, that a bag of garbage didn’t seem that bad.

Commenters were just as confused as OP.

Spooky wrote:

Their response just makes me even sadder. Props to you for being the bigger person and trying to rise above it (I, on the other hand, might be looking for creative revenge, like those sites that let you ship exotic animal dung to your enemies.) How much longer until the person you’re covering for comes back?

OP responded:

Six more months. Unless she comes back a bit early, then four months. I wonder whether she’ll come back at all though.

fposte wrote:

Huh. Thanks for the speedy update, and I’m glad you had the moment to say WTF to them. And now we can join you in saying WTF.

Kara wrote:

That is just so…weird. *shaking head*

OriginalYup wrote:

Thanks for the update! You know how cliques engage in weird herd behavior that is totally bizarre to outsiders? I think the trash gift is like that — “shabby gifts” or “we sent the office to you” or whatever, and they’ve decided it’s hilarious while everyone else is looking on, baffled. It’s as though they’ve all decided to wear their socks over their shoes and are staring at you waiting for same.

AnonAnalyst wrote:

You know, at first I was thinking this was a joke that went awry but they thought you would appreciate, or perhaps some office tradition when people go out on extended medical leaves (like “we know you must feel like garbage, so here!”) that you maybe weren’t aware of as a new-ish person…followed, of course, by a real gift.

But…after your updates, these people just sound like jerks, so I’m not sure if you were supposed to find it funny. In any case, I’m glad you get to work from home for awhile, and hopefully you’ll be able to find something better once this assignment ends. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. I hope your recovery is going much better than this job!

Ife wrote:

What confuses me most about this is that the nice coworkers actually gave you the “gift.” I just can’t figure out why, if they really are nice people, they would not either (a) conveniently “lose” the bag of garbage before having a chance to give it to you.

Or (b) give some kind of apology/explanation as to what the office was thinking and play it off as “haha, what weirdos we work with!”, or ideally (c) push back and refuse to give you a bag of garbage in the first place!

Did you ask them what the office was thinking? Would they know? Since they were acting sheepish about it, they obviously knew it wasn’t a real gift or a nice one, but they gave it to you anyway. WHY?? I just can’t wrap my head around what they were thinking. Hopefully the rest of your time with this office is more tolerable :(

Years later, OP jumped on with an update.

I can’t remember if I ever sent a formal update about the bag of garbage from my, I had a small update in the post, re: the most awkward team conference call the next day. Regina really did think I would play along, asking how I liked my gift in a joking tone and I straight up said I didn’t understand or appreciate the “gift,” nor could I get down the stairs to dispose of it and had to send it with the coworkers.

Who I then thanked warmly for the actual gift they gave. Maybe it wasn’t the most mature response, but honestly I hit the ground hard as soon as I could (metaphorically, the surgery really did knock a lot out of me) looking for a new job. I spent a few weeks resting up and getting my work done, but refused anything above and beyond my role.

Which might sound terrible, but Regina had a bad habit of promising the actual impossible, like a custom, usable typeface designed in an afternoon, or a massive marketing campaign (she actually referenced major artist launch campaigns, like Taylor Swift) executed in under a week with no budget. I wish I was exaggerating. It will surprise exactly no one that a small, family-run firm is not a great place to work.

Between the agents doing lines in the bathroom, throwing metal staplers around the office, to Regina calling up random employees to loudly berate them on the phone (none of the office walls reached the ceiling, so you could hear everything) and talking about how hard she partied with the artists we represented (I never heard so many stories about vomiting in the street in my life). It was definitely something.

Anyway, I handed in my two weeks notice a couple months after the garbage incident. Regina was weird the whole time, vacillating between super bitter “I hope you ENJOY your next job because I’ll be STUCK HERE FOREVER,” and weird weepy declarations of how much they’d miss me, accompanied by awkward hugs. I stayed in touch with a few coworkers, all of whom left shortly after I did.

We still chat every now and then, sometimes to make sure it all actually happened and wasn’t a collective fever dream. I’m happily working back in tech, full-time remote. I’ve worked a couple gigs over the past five years, and while #startuplife can be a little bro-y, the worst I’ve had to deal with gift-wise was the rise and fall of branded popsockets.

The internet was fully invested in the epilogue.

Sunflower-and-Dream wrote:

My thoughts when coming online today "Okay what kind of bulls**t am I about to read today"

My thoughts after reading this: "Ah some people never leave high school"

CaptainVellichor wrote:

I've heard of and witnessed so much stupid workplace immaturity in the last month that I'm wondering whether there's a sudden explosion of primary school level immaturity among adults, or whether I've just been blissfully ignorant all these years.

Peter095837 wrote:

That workplace sounds like one of those miserable and childish places to be surrounded in. Like really? A garbage bag, that's just mean.

knittedjedi wrote:

"It will surprise exactly no one that a small, family-run firm is not a great place to work."

Yeah, you could not pay me enough to work somewhere like that.

Onequestion0110 wrote:

I was actually just thinking. I’ve worked at a few small family businesses, and they’re either among the absolute best places I’ve worked or else they’re nightmarish s**t shows.

No in between.

butidontwantto wrote:

A garbage gift from garbage people. I remember one Christmas my aunt was gifted a beer bottle filled to the brim with dog s**t from her cousin. Some people are just garbage.