'My twin sister and I took a genetic test, and we did not share any DNA. What should I do?' UPDATED

Discovering a major part of your life was a lie can completely shake the foundation of your reality.

"My twin sister (18F) and I (18F) took a genetic test, and we did not share any DNA. What should my next step be, when no one in the family is telling me why?"

My twin and I are fraternal twins. Recently, we took a genetic test for fun, because we wanted to see what we shared and the differences between us. Since we still share genes, fraternal twins are like siblings genetically. My grandparents had suggested the tests and got them for us, so our parents didn’t know about it. But our results made no sense.

My twin’s was coming up almost completely as Eastern European and Western European. Which makes sense, as most of my family are Croatian, German, or Austrian. So all of that would be accurate. But mine wasn’t anything like that. It was almost completely Scandinavian, with some Russian and a couple of other places.

Neither of which were on my twin’s result, she had a very small percentage of Scandinavian but that was it. And we had no matched DNA. Which clearly seemed impossible. We were literally twins, we have to share DNA. My twin said they must have mixed my sample up with someone else. We ended up contacting the company, and my twin and I took a test again. It was the same result.

Both my twin and I were really confused. We told our grandparents, and they just said that was interesting, and said nothing else. My twin said we should tell our parents, and see if they had ever done a genetic test, or if any of our siblings had, and then we could see if somehow ours were still right.

I mean, it kind of made sense I'd have Scandinavian, because I'm much taller than my mother, and quite a bit taller than my twin and I'm way better at football and handball than she is. And I'm very blonde compared to the rest of my family, but I had thought it was the German. When we told our mother, they reacted almost the same way as my grandparents, but she seemed annoyed.

And said that they're inaccurate anyway, and our grandparents shouldn't have told us to take one. And when we asked our father, he basically said nothing. I'm confused. I know my twin thinks it's just a mistake, but I don't think so. We have to share DNA, about 50%. That's how twins and siblings work.

Even though we're fraternal, we should still share quite a bit of DNA. But other explanations don't make sense. My mother can't have cheated on my father, because my twin and I would still share DNA. Just less, because we would have different fathers. The results mean we can't share a parent, or even be related.

But I don't see why my parents would adopt me if I'm not their child, when I don't think they've ever been to Scandinavia and why they'd adopt a baby that's almost exactly the same age as their baby. I'm panicking. The person I'm closest with in the whole world, who I thought I even shared the womb with, might not even be related to me.

My birthday might not even be real. None of this makes any sense, and no one is telling me the truth. I'm also scared my twin might tell her boyfriend about it, and then people might end up knowing that I'm some kind of fraud and my family isn't my family at all.

Edit: I called the clinic where my mother gave birth to all of my siblings. The day of my birthday, my mother is in the records but only for one birth. Not two, not twins. I don't know if it's an error, or my mother didn't give birth to me.

The comments started coming in.

crypto_for_bare_toes wrote:

Have you pressed your grandparents to tell you more? Cuz it sounds like they suspected this and wanted you know. No way did they suggest those tests out of the blue. “Your grandparents shouldn’t have told you to do that” says it all IMO.

OP responded:

Kind of, I did ask them why they suggested it, and my grandmother said that it doesn't matter. I said clearly it does if the results are right, but she just said she's doesn't know anything and to tell my mother that.

I don't know why they'd deliberately upset my parents with this, but I'm only assuming that they wanted me to know. But I don't know why, I think my grandmother thinks I should figure it out myself now I know, but I literally have no clue when no one will tell me anything at all.

nick4424 wrote:

Sit your grandparents down and tell them to start talking. They obviously know what’s going on. But I guessing that you were adopted from a family friend who might’ve died or didn’t want to be a mother. Ask for your birth certificate. That should have your real parent’s names on there.

OP responded:

I didn't think about my birth certificate. I'll ask them, but if they don't give it to me, then I'm sure it shouldn't be too difficult to find.

muttoneer wrote:

Clearly your grandparents know something and went against your parents' wishes in providing a clue. Hard to know if it was trying to be helpful or malicious without knowing more about them.

Maybe both of your parents ended up with a kid the same age from different (possibly tragic?) circumstances and decided to raise them as twins for their own reasons. We can only speculate. Either way, I'd reassure your parents and sister that you view them as your family no matter what and (if they are not giving it already), probably seek the same reassurance.

graces-taylor12 wrote:

Can we talk about the fact that your mom's reaction was "annoyed"? Like, sorry Mom, didn't mean to inconvenience you with the whole existential crisis thing.

OP responded:

She literally just sighed at me. And then told me I need get my nails redone, so yes, very helpful to solving the fact I literally appear to be not related to my twin sister.

Dear_Parsnip_6802 wrote:

Swapped at birth, incorrect ivf embryo implant, adoption, incorrect DNA test. There really aren't that many possible solutions. I'd be telling your parents that you fully intend on investigating until you find the answer. If they know something and continue lied, they may damage your relationship. If they tell you the truth, now you can go on this journey of discovery together and hopefully maintain a relationship.

Obstructing yiu will only delay the inevitable. You will find out! Tell them you are not letting this go. You have the right to know your heritage. If the claim it's the test is the problem ask them to conduct a proper one with theirs and yours for your peace of mind.

A week later, OP shared an update.

So, I'm adopted. Which was probably quite obvious as soon as I got the results, but I guess I was in denial. My parents told me a couple of days ago, not much, but a bit. I know now that my mother was Danish, and my father's old girlfriend from when he was really young, which is seriously weird. I asked them a lot of questions, but I didn't get answers to all of them.

I don't know who my father is, how my parents were able to adopt me and why, if she's even alive, nothing. But thankfully I am actually legally adopted by them, which is a relief, since I was worried I might not be.

And my birthday is actually my birthday, so they haven't been committing any weird fraud. It's very weird. My sister has been acting weirdly, and my family as well. But in some ways, it's a relief. My parents still feel like my parents, and my siblings like my siblings.

I know that technically they're not, but I don't feel too upset about it. I'm just upset they lied, and also won't tell me everything. I don't know if they genuinely don't know, or don't want to talk about it, but at least I have an idea about everything now. I'm still not quite sure how I feel about it, but I'm glad I know about things now.

Plus now I have a country that's actually good at football to support, which is nice. Maybe some day I'll find out everything, maybe not. I could probably look her up, and find her if I wanted to, but I'm not sure if I do, if she's still alive. Although everything is different, it doesn't feel so bad, but it does at the same time. It's very weird. But I have a family that loves me, so it could be much worse.

I feel sad about my twin, since we're not actually related which feels really different and she's acting different as well, but I still love her a lot, and my parents as well. I think it will take some time to know how I really feel. In some ways I want to be mad at everyone and do stupid things, but that's only sometimes, and overall I feel okay so that's good. And eventually I think I'll be content with how everything is.

People were very invested in the update.

Cloudinthesilver wrote:

I wonder why your grandparents decided to force the issue. Perhaps they’ve always thought you should know and decided now you’re 18 there’s less to lose by telling you.

labelloenchanted responded:

I think the parents threatened grandparents and other family members that they'll go no contact with them and ban them from seeing their grandchildren if they ever say anything.

It makes sense to me given how parents refuse to say anything even now and grandparents waited until OP's old enough and can't be taken away from them. There's probably a lot more to the story and parents will try their best to keep it a secret. It's pretty suspicious.

Primary-Criticism929 wrote:

So your parents decided to adopt your father's ex-GF's baby, and that baby happens to have the same birthday, day, month and year, as their own kid. This is...weird. I remember reading your first post and thinking that this was really odd but this post just adds to the weirdness for me.

Why haven't they told you before ? And why the dramatics with your grand-parents ? Couldn't they have just told you instead of doing this stupid genetics thing ?

You're dealing with this a lot better than I would because I don't even know you and I'm pissed at all those people who were supposed to take care of you and just lied for years and are still not telling you the whole truth. I think you should find a therapist because when this is all going to hit you, it's gonna hit you hard.

fuxkitall999 wrote:

This adoption story is not adding up. I have a friend who was illegally adopted. He was k*dnapped and had no idea his adoption wasn't legal. I don't even know all the details. It was pretty traumatic. You need your birth certificate. Everyone else I know who was adopted has their actual real birthday.

That was not something changed on the certificate unless they were abandoned. You may not want to look more into things now but there is a lot more going on than the story you are getting.

southcoastal wrote:

Why would they tell you your sister is your twin? Was your father sleeping with your mother and his wife at the same time and both women gave birth on the same day?

That’s really f#$ked up. I’m sorry you had to find out so late in your life. I knew I was adopted from as early as I can remember so it’s always been part of my identity. I hope you are able to process this and find your place. I would keep pushing for information. You are entitled to know everything about your birth mother.

KevinRudd182 wrote:

This is either a fake post (likely) or everyone in your life is lying to you and you’re nowhere near angry enough about it. The odds your birthday is the same as your sister are about 1/365, your parents know the entire story about who you are and where you come from and they’re lying to you and you’re a grown adult now, if this was me I’d almost be at the point of never speaking to them again tbh.

It’s one thing to keep it from you because I understand the “how do you decide when to tell a kid they’re adopted” issue. But now you know and they’re still lying?