'AITA for laughing off my uncle’s request to move into my house?'
"AITA for laughing off my uncle’s request to move into my house?"
So my mom (60s F) lives alone, rent free, in a two bedroom house that I (40s F) own. I also support my mom financially because she has developed serious health issues and was only able to retire on minimum wage. I live far away and only visit about twice a year, so my bedroom is empty most of the time.
Yesterday, my uncle (70s M) sent a nonchalant text to my mom saying, “Hi, my wife and I want to move to get rid of paying rent. Can we just stay with you?” My mom had a legitimate panic attack and called to ask me for help.
I always tell my mom it is her home and that she gets to decide what to do with it, but in this case it was clear she did not want her brother moving in and could not handle the drama of denying him herself, so I contacted my uncle.
I tried to be understanding of his situation, but he kept repeating, “I need my family’s support.” I asked how he and his wife could not live on their pensions, whether they had taken on too much debt, or whether he might have been a victim of an elderly scam. I genuinely went into problem solving mode because, based on previous conversations, he should have been able to have a peaceful retirement.
He said he was not asking for financial advice and that he just needed to cut costs. Since my mom lives rent free with all expenses paid, he said that would be the best situation for him and my aunt.
I laughed, which honestly was not meant to offend him, but it was a knee jerk reaction to the audacity of him expecting me to be his entire retirement plan. He hung up and then sent me a text saying I was a cruel person because his only son died young and is not here to support him in his time of need.
To clarify, my cousin died in his 20s and was no contact with his father. My uncle was a deadbeat dad who never managed to provide for his family and always had financial issues. He abandoned his first wife and son to marry his current wife. They have been together for decades, and she has children from her previous marriage.
I texted my uncle and apologized for my reaction. I told him that while my cousin is unfortunately gone, his first call should have been to his stepchildren. I also told him that my mom has her own life and that I am not rich. While I am in a position to financially help my mom, it comes at great personal sacrifice, and I cannot simply add two more people to the mix. Nor should I have to. They are not my responsibility.
Once again, my uncle called me cruel. He then contacted more family members. My mom has five siblings, and they reached out to tell me my uncle is devastated. None of them can help him, and they also understand why I cannot, but they said I should have handled the situation better. I honestly do not know how. So, am I wrong for laughing and simply saying no to an outrageous request?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
jrm1102 says:
NTA - well the request was outrageous. Laughing at him obviously didn't solve it as conflict free as possible, but it did shut it down easily.
ariluvva says:
NTA. Your mom obviously doesn’t want him there, he also sounds selfish and has no right to call you cruel.
Angelbearsmom says:
NTA. No is a complete sentence. Your mom obviously is not comfortable with her brother moving in and destroying her peace, and she has the right to live a drama free life. That audacity is astounding.
Interesting_Note_937 says:
NTA that's the most entitled thing I've ever heard. I think you even responded appropriately because that was a wild request. What did he expect you to say?