_monochromia writes
Last month, my wife and I flew in her sister and her family of two to help us raise our 2-month-old daughter. We're a working couple, but she's still on her maternity leave. The tension began when my sister-in-law and her family needed to do a visa run. Basically, they needed to leave where we are and fly to another country to get a visa to stay here.
Since we were asking them for a favor to help us with our daughter, at first, I didn't mind that my wife was the one booking their plane tickets and hotel accommodations for the visa run. But instead of a smooth in-and-out process, the situation became one problem after another.
First: We dropped them off at the airport, and they realized they needed a visa to enter the country they were going to. We all thought it was visa-free. So my wife spent our money to get their visa expedited. That also meant we had to rebook their flights with, guess what? Our money.
Second: This morning, on the return leg, my wife received a notification from the airline that the flight was delayed. She passed on the message to her sister. Her sister then decided to arrive at the airport later because the delay was 3+ hours.
However, what my wife and her sister failed to notice was a clause in the notification which stated that the check-in time remained the same. So when my sister-in-law and her family went to the airport, the check-in gate was closed, and they couldn't board. So again, my wife spent OUR money to book new flights for them PLUS new hotel accommodations for a couple of days.
All told, 80% of our savings are gone just because of this whole exercise. She did apologize to me for spending our money, but I just can't shake the feeling of, "We worked our ass off for that savings, and God knows we need it." The real kicker is that she's considering leaving her job to take care of our daughter, which would leave me as the sole source of income in the household.
We're already in a situation where I keep less than 5% of my paycheck and give everything else to bills and towards our savings. But after this whole visa run, I'm hours away from telling my wife to stop babying her older sister over this. I mean, the sister and her husband prepared savings for their journey to help us out. Why don't they spend it? Is it because we're the ones asking for a favor?
Anyway, that's my predicament now. I haven't spoken to my wife yet since I woke up and headed to work. I'm still ambivalent about how I feel about this because I feel my decision in the next couple of hours could mean I'm a husband that doesn't understand or I'm a wuss for letting my wife spend all our money just like that.
I had a conversation with my wife, and it was a weight off my shoulders. We decided together to set boundaries with how much we're spending towards our in-laws. I haven't opened up the matter of her quitting her job (one problem at a time).
Some extra info: Yes, I drive a Mustang (owned it for 3 years, my wife helped me buy it, and it's going to be paid off in 2 months). I also collect diecast using that 5% of my salary. Everything else goes to bills and savings. The savings I'm talking about here were meant for us to migrate elsewhere, but now it looks like we're back to square one in terms of saving up. We live in the UAE.
I should've done my due diligence and helped my wife out with checking and verifying information. Plus, I never thought of looking at it from an employer/employee perspective since they're family, so I looked at it through that lens. I now realize it's not a "you deal with your family/I deal with mine" type of deal. We as a couple gotta look out for each other's backs.
We might get some money back because the airline they initially booked with is willing to give us a refund. Apparently, other passengers were affected by the 3+ hour delay and missed the plane. Silver lining, I guess. This is my final update for now. Man, everyone here has been brutally honest, and it stings, yes, but it’s much needed. Thank you all.
Here are the top comments:
Peony-Pony says:
Why do you need help raising a two month old?
OP responded:
Because we're both working in the office and that leaves no one to take care of our daughter at home.'
iheartwords says:
YTA You guys clearly didn’t think it through. So, they’re helping to care for your child, but they should foot the bill for a visa run? Which, by the way, what was your long-term plan for the repeated cost of future visas?
You sound strangely disengaged from both the details, the benefit her family is providing to you, and your own feelings – you’re ambivalent but your considering blowing up at her? I don’t know if you’re leaving out details or what, but you and you’re wife need better communication and financial planning.
Kitten1412 says:
So if 80% of you savings can be eaten up by three extra plane tickets and expedited visas, it sounds like you don't actually have a lot of savings. You both must be under a lot of stress right now, and it sucks that you're dealing with your stress by getting mad at her, and she's dealing with her stress by trying to get her family into the country to help even if it eats your savings.
But this situation doesn't sound like one of carelessness, but one of desperation. You two need to learn to talk about your stresses and make a gameplan in both of your interests. I'm going with ESH.
What do you think?