'My wife cheated on me and I feel nothing. I am going to confront her but it's so strange.' UPDATED
"My wife cheated on me and I feel nothing."
My wife of 10 years cheated on me with someone from her past. I didn't go looking for it but I accidentally found out. He cut it off since his wife is pregnant and from the looks of the messages she seems upset. Whats so odd is I feel nothing. Not sad or angry, not even hurt. I feel relieved. We haven't been doing good for awhile.
I attempted to take my life two years ago and it just hasn't been the same since. I never thought she would cheat on me. I tried to be better for myself and for her and get myself out of that dark place but I guess it wasn't enough. I'm not gonna confront her but I am gonna leave. Not tonight or tomorrow.
I am going to tell her I don't love her anymore. Maybe having both men she "loves" tell her they're done will humble her. There's no apologies to be given from her, she did what she did and I'm at peace with it. Anyway, I'm gonna build a lego set and have a beer. Remember you are worth it. You are great.
The internet had a lot to say in response.
Tight-Shift5706 wrote:
Prior to disclosing your intention of leaving your wife, I humbly suggest that you privately confer with a seasoned family law attorney to discuss your entitlements and alternatives regarding divorce. Educate yourself regarding the divorce process. Focus on yourself and your well-being. Best wishes to you. Stay well.
Banner85 wrote:
Hey OP, I'm sorry that happened to you, but I'm happy you have mentally worked your way through this. I'm really not sure why the first few comments are telling you to find God and repent, which is why I don't even tell anyone I'm religious anymore. That's very f#$king weird. Anyway, what Lego sets are we talking?
SJSchillinger wrote:
OP, I know you say is that you feel nothing, but that doesn’t appear to be the truth. Correct me if I’m wrong.
Like you said: “I feel relieved."
You don’t have to feel sad. You don’t have to feel upset. You can just feel relieved. And that’s entirely healthy! Everyone has their own emotions and their own response to certain situations.
I had this ex who cheated on me. And when I found out, I was upset. But I also felt so much relief. I had been trying to hard to make the relationship better and it just always felt like something was wrong. Constant fighting, her staying up late but not texting me, lying to my face about things, etc.
When I found out she cheated, it gave me my green light to leave. It lifted the weight I had on my shoulders keeping me there. So, I’m not surprised to hear that you have had a slightly similar response! If I may ask, on a separate note, what Lego set are you deciding to go with? I hope you decide to post an update once you finish the set.
[deleted] wrote:
I wish nothing but the best for you, OP. Like someone else said, get a good attorney and sort out the best route to navigate this time in your life. I'm proud of you for taking steps towards your new future and I hope the ride goes smoothly. Also, I'd love to see the Lego sets once you complete them. ☺️
Accurate_Rabbit_1179 wrote:
Stay strong king and keep your head held high! You're doing absolutely great and I am so proud of you for staying strong through this tuff time. Im wishing you the best!!!
Three weeks later, OP shared an update.
Hello, almost a month ago I posted on here that I found out my wife had cheated and I felt nothing. I thought I would give an update. I confronted her. I said I know she has been sleeping with someone behind my back, I do not want an apology and we're over. I didn't want an explanation or an excuse because there is none.
She chose to betray me, she chose to go against our vows and what I believed our marriage stood for. She didn't say much but cry and apologize but I wouldn't hear it. I also found out who the wife of her AP is and I told her as well and showed the messages/pictures I found. Needless to say she is heartbroken and this wasn't the first time he had cheated on her.
I ended up leaving and getting an apartment. I took some time off work, built a gaming PC and filed the divorce papers. I still don't feel much in the negative sense but I do feel peace. She has been trying to get me to work things out and I ignore her. That chapter of my life was over the moment she began her affair.
Crazy how you think you have everything and life is perfect and now you're sitting alone in your apartment eating take out and drinking a beer. I think I'm ok with this though. Thank you all for reading and all the nice comments on the original post. I appreciate all of you, remember you are worth it and you are loved.
The internet was happy to hear the update.
Gidneybeans wrote:
This is literally the blueprint on how to handle a cheating partner. Big ups to OP. I know it won't feel like a win and it's not. Everybody has lost something. But he now has peace of mind and heart.
OP responded:
Thank you. I hate drama I felt like for the sake of myself I needed to exit as smoothly as possible
Tight-Shift5706 wrote:
OP, Kudos to you, OP. It's been repeatedly said that the opposite of love isn't hate; it's indifference. In your instance, when you learned of her repeatedly cheating, you became indifferent. When you see her now, you see nothing. She is now nothing to you.
This indifference should be helpful to you emotionally and psychologically going forward. However, if you at some point begin to sense self-doubt, anger or other bothersome feelings, don't hesitate to seek therapy. You've experienced a traumatic thing. Be kind to yourself. Protect and focus on yourself. Block the whore from your life. One less thing to deal with.
OP responded:
Thank you for your kind words. I'm sure at some point I will feel some hurt/pain. I did love her after all. A part of me probably still does but I am in therapy and we are discussing it.
cookingismything wrote:
This is it my friend! She wants to be with someone else? Go on and go. I wouldn’t fight for that s#$t either.
OP responded:
What the funny thing is her AP broke up with her so now she has no one.