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'My wife cheated on me with her boss. I'm now falling for his wife.' AITA? 'My friends think it's a bad idea.'

'My wife cheated on me with her boss. I'm now falling for his wife.' AITA? 'My friends think it's a bad idea.'


"My wife cheated on me with her boss. I am sleeping with his wife. Would I be the AH if I pursued her for more than hookups?"

Divorce take months/years here so we are all still legally married. My (m34) wife (34) cheated on me with her boss (m42). I found out when the wife (f37) of the man contacted me. She had left him and thought that I was the only one in the dark and should be told.

Obviously I left my wife too. It was a very hard time on me because I have never experienced such betrayal. The idea going through the motions. Hear the begging. Listening to people around me talking me into forgiveness, but worse telling my children they will never have to move between houses, and never have their parents understand the same roof again.

No one but the colleague’s wife understood really what I was going through because she was going through the same. We talked every day at first. Then we met. We started sleeping together. She is so gorgeous but that’s not even the best thing about her. Now we have been meeting to hookup a couple of times a month but texts and call almost daily.

I am falling for her and I think she too. Would I be the AH if I asked her out? She said she didn’t want to complicate things with our exes but sometimes I feel like I want to take her out on a date and hold hands for everyone to see. My friends think it’s a bad idea that would create more drama for everyone involved but I know that we have feelings for each other.

Later, OP edited the post to include:

We have talked now and I told her what I am interested in, as I suspected she has feelings for me too but was hesitant because of our exes and divorce, gossip and judgment but for me, whoever wants to judge us, are they worth having around?

We decided to go exclusive (not that we met other people during the time we started seeing each other) but we have spoken the words now. I told her that I love her. It felt amazing saying the words.

We decided not to make it public until we are legally divorced which I don’t mind at all because I don’t care as long as we know that we are a couple. Wish us luck because I don’t think I have ever felt this way before or ever loved anybody like this before. Thanks for listening.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

thefilthiestfingers said:

NTA. Your ex-wife made her bed, now she can sleep in it. You've found someone who truly understands what you're going through, and it's only natural to want to explore that connection further.

Life's too short to let others dictate your happiness. If you both have feelings for each other, go for it and let the chips fall where they may. Drama or not, you deserve a chance at happiness.

MonthFar2068 said:

Def not the AH. NTA. You are both adults, single and you have been in contact for a year. There are probably genuine feelings there worth exploring or it would have fizzled out. And I am sorry for your wife cheating. It sucks.

SonOfDadOfSam said:

NTA - but be very careful. Shared trauma doesn't always lead to great relationships. Always put your kids first.

frithsun said:

NTA, but red flags for rebound relationship built on a shared trauma rather than shared values. Generally best practice to take some time to fully recenter before jumping into the next relationship.

Old-Actuary1397 said:

NTA. You and her deserve the happiness. You shouldn’t care about what your exes think because their unfaithful act is what brought you two together. You two owe it to yourselves to be with a partner that respects and loves you. Best of luck I hope it works out between you guys.

ukuleles1337 said:

Do it up king. NTA.

Everyone was on OP's side for this one. What's your advice for this situation?

Sources: Reddit
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