'My wife confessed to cheating after I donated a kidney to her.' AITA? 'I made her tell her family.'
"My wife confessed to cheating on me after I donated a kidney to her"...
My wife (30F) and I (30M) have been married for 6 years and together for 10. We have a 4 year old boy. A few months ago, I donated my kidney to her when she needed a kidney transplant.
We were extremely lucky as I passed all the match tests (blood type compatibility, tissue typing, crossmatch test, PRA test etc) and I was considered a healthy donor after extensive testing (CT scans, MRIs etc). The surgery itself took a few hours, and we did home recovery for 3 months. I got a lot of thanks from my wife’s parents, her siblings, and then finally of course, my wife.
I however did this without hesitation because I loved my wife. But a month after our recovery, my wife confessed to me that cheated on me many years ago, it was a one night stand. She said she couldn’t keep it in anymore especially after the massive sacrifice I made. She seemed extremely remorseful, and I believed her that it was a one time thing.
I was however extremely distraught. I got frustrated, and extremely angry, and did not speak to my wife for a week. Last weekend, I asked my sister if she could have our son for the weekend, and my sister agreed. The reason for this was because I wanted to blow off a lot of steam and I did not want my son in the house for that.
And I did. I don’t usually get angry much, but last weekend, I did. All my pent up emotions bubbled up and I said a lot of horrible things to my wife. I wanted my wife to say something, but she just said nothing and was crying and that angered me even more.
I then made her call her parents and siblings to confess about her cheating. That was the first time my wife said something, and she seemed really hesitant about it, but I told her I would leave her if she didn’t. And so she did. She called her parents and her siblings and told them that she cheated on me.
That finally made me feel better, and I lost a lot of my anger after that. My wife however has just been crying a lot, but I’m not really in the mood to console her. All I’m telling my wife is to not cry when our son is there and to do it alone in the bathroom or somewhere else.
AITA? What we are going through is still a work in progress and I think our marriage can survive, but I will need some time to get over it.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Ihadabsonce said:
If she was actually sorry she would have told you BEFORE the transplant.
Liu1845 said :
Marriage counseling. Whether you stay together or not.
Internal_Ad_3455 said:
NTA your marriage will not survive without professional help. Your wife did a terrible thing and was very selfish by not being truthful before the donation. You either need to go for marriage counseling or go for a divorce.
GenX12907 said:
NTA...she is crying because she had to confess to everyone; not that she cheated. She told you out of guilt for taking part of your healthy kidney.
Annual_Union8025 said:
Well dude, that sucks. She's got your kidney though, so you're cosmically stuck with her. You're putting her through the paces. That's good. You're gradually getting past it. She will too. You'll probably survive this, I mean, you have to, she's got your kidney. You're stuck with her. NTA.
ThirdDay005 said:
NTA. She is crying because she is now in an uncomfortable situation. Sure, she probably feels remorse especially since you have her an organ. She also feels like a bigger pos having her family know. Hopefully you guys can get through this now. Give it a chance.