'AITA for being upset that my wife didn't marry me for love but because of a cost-benefit analysis?
"WIBTA for being upset at my wife’s reason for marrying me?"
Throwaway72hsu says:
My wife (31F) is a very practical person and not really “girly.” I don’t know how to explain it other than she sees everything as a cost-benefit analysis and doesn’t seem to take much of her own preferences into account if she thinks something is objectively better.
She is a senior data scientist, so maybe that’s why she is good at her job. I love the practicality—it’s so nice to have a debate about why we should do something because of X, Y, and Z, not because of feelings.
But I asked her a question on Saturday, and it’s been bugging me since. I asked her why she married me, kind of wanting to hear how much she loves me. She said, “Because you asked.” And I asked, “Well, what made you say yes?” Then she said, “Because I trust your judgment.” I was kind of taken aback and asked her what she meant.
She essentially explained that she loves me, but that’s not enough, and she would never marry someone based on love alone. She said when she was younger, she loved an idiot who would have ruined her life if she married him, so she never dated him seriously. She says love and marriage are not the same things.
She said she trusts me to make decisions that would benefit us and our goals, and marriage is like trusting someone with your life and everything you have built. I guess I should be flattered, but it only seems like she picked me because I’m a logical choice. Shouldn’t it be more than that? That’s what is bothering me. But I also know she sincerely thinks it’s a huge compliment.
The top comments of readers really debated the meaning of love.
harlemjd says:
If she said that she didn’t love you but she trusted you to be a good partner, I could see your point. She didn’t say that. She said that she loves you AND trusts you. You’re upset because your wife is too practical to marry a terrible partner if she loved him? You’re being ridiculous.
CrystalQueen3000 says:
She’s a data scientist, I’m not sure why you’re surprised she that she made an informed decision based on more than just romantic feelings.
Agreeable_Store997 says:
What better answer could she have given? She said she loves you, that’s what you wanted to hear, right? But no, you wanted her loving you to be the only reason she married you?
I think your wife is the wise one and you’d better wizen up and not let unfair emotions cloud your judgment. You married a great woman that thinks with her brain as well as her heart, now let’s hope she didn’t misjudge you.
Hour-Courage-8462 says:
Someone telling me they trust my judgement and me with their life would meld my heart. Why are you tripping?