'AITA for telling my wife she should've brought my daughter on her mommy/daughter trip?'
Should my wife have taken my daughter on her "mother/daughter" trip?
Adventurous_Mud_5283 writes:
I (44m) have two children (18m, 16f). My ex-wife abandoned the family when my daughter was still a baby. I recently married a woman (42f) with three kids (17f, 14f, 13m). Their father is still involved in their lives.
All of our kids are still in high school, though my son is set to graduate soon. They recently had their spring break. During spring break, my wife took her two girls to a major city near us for a "Mommy/daughter day." They ate, went to a spa, etc.
Before they went, I suggested to her that she should include my daughter, but she said "no" as this was a yearly tradition with just her girls. While she was gone, I took my kids and her son out for bowling and mini-golf.
After her trip with her girls was over, the next day, she took her son out for a "Mother/son day" where she took him out to see whatever movie he wanted. She and I have been arguing ever since about how she excluded my daughter from her "Mommy/daughter" day.
I think it was cruel. My daughter grew up without a mother, and I know it would have meant a lot to her to be included. But my wife says that she was just carrying on old traditions of spending time with just her girls and then spending time with just her son, and that she'd be happy to start a new tradition with my daughter, but that it needed to be a different thing.
She also said "I didn't bring your son along with my mother/son time with my son. Why aren't you making an issue out of that?" I told her that it was different; that my daughter really needed girl time and that excluding her was hurtful. I still think she should have invited my daughter along; that she should have been made a new part of the "tradition." AITA?
Here are the top comments:
Medical_Editor1488 says:
I'd say YTA (You're the A^@$ole) here. Her kids have been there long before you, and will be there after. I think it's a great way for her to maintain her closeness with her kids by continuing traditions pre marriage to you.
She has said she will make a new tradition with your daughter, which is exactly the right thing to do. You're seeing it as exclusionary to your daughter, whereas in reality, she is maintaining continuity with her own children.
Which is incredibly important, especially during the transition of merging of two families. It allows her to demonstrate in a practical manner, that despite living circumstances changing, her relationship and love for her kids has remained the same.
Miserable_Cow403 says:
YTA - You recently married this woman. She is prioritizing her relationship with her kids and continuing a tradition they had for years. They just went through a big life change, getting a step dad and step siblings.
You and your wife decided to blend your families. All of your kids are teens, some a few years away from being adults. They won’t just instantly act like they have always been siblings. These relationships take TIME.
Take your kids out individually for their own father/child dates. The key thing here is that each child feels loved, heard and checked on during this transition. It seems like this is your wife’s way of doing that.
Jocelyn-1973 says:
Honestly? She might want to add a 'stepmother-stepdaughter day' to the list of traditions. But the mommy/daughter day should stay as it is. You know what? Her kids have done an awful lot of adjustment, after a divorce and becoming part of a new family structure.
These traditions are probably very important for them, specifically because they include the original set-up of their family. Don't change the tradition. Add an extra one.
FloatingPencil says:
YTA. That’s her tradition with her daughters. They shouldn’t have to share that just because their mother met someone who also has a daughter. Your wife is right about creating a new tradition - add to things, don’t take them away or muscle in.
What do you think? Should OP have said anything about "mommy/daughter" day?