'My wife wants to disown our son for cheating on his GF. Who is wrong?' MAJOR UPDATE
Every parent has a different theory on how they should handle their kid mistreating other people.
In a popular post on the Am I Wrong subreddit, a man asked the internet to help him settle a disagreement between him and his wife regarding their son.
"My wife wants to disown our son for cheating on his GF. Who is wrong?"
Our son is in college and he has a long term girlfriend and he cheated on her with his ex GF. My wife warned him to come clean and tell his GF. My son was being selfish and he didn’t. When a month went by and nothing, my wife dropped the bomb. GF is devastated. But I think her and my son are still “talking” because they still hang around each other like his cheating never happened.
My wife is upset that our son would do this. Don’t get me wrong so am I. I just don’t like to stay my kids romantic drama. He’s an adult. My wife wants to cut all contact with him because she thinks he’s the equivalent to Hitler because of his cheating.
This I definitely don’t agree with her on, and I know my wife will deeply regret doing this to her son when our son is going to be talking to his whole family but ignores his mom.
The internet did not hold back.
nick4424 wrote:
What he did was wrong but cutting off contact is overkill.
SkeleTourGuide wrote:
I’m suspecting wife has a more personal issue with cheating and lying about it. Either she was a victim of it, a close friend/family member was or she did it and regrets it. Son is the embodiment of what personally happened to her and is a constant reminder of it.
Queeby wrote:
A more on the nose interpretation is that mom has found a way to make this about her. She sees his behaviour as a reflection on her parenting skills and is desperately trying to save the situation. It can be a difficult day for some parents when they realize their kids' have already more or less become who they are going to be (in terms of "moral compass").
wlfwrtr wrote:
Sounds like your wife was hurt deeply by someone who cheated. Maybe she needs to sit son down and tell him her story to let him understand why she feels so strongly against it.
pluckd wrote:
A sit down with a therapist maybe. No doubt what kid did is wrong, but this isn't how a mother should react. Imagine if every parents reaction was to cut off the child anytime they do something wrong. She needs a therapist. Kid needs to grow up.
DrPikachu-PhD wrote:
Well kids are constantly f#$king up, so the fact that he made it to college without being cut off is evidence that the mom doesn't do this over every little thing. But you're right, she's clearly more hung up on this than most would be, maybe time to sit down and work through some of that.
qoreilly wrote:
I could see if he was a middle aged adult and refused to pay for his wife and baby. He's not married to her and they don't have children. And they are in college so they probably wouldn't stay together anyways. He will eventually learn his lesson and sometimes these events when he's younger are part of the learning curve of adult relationships.
So it's not good that he did it but at least he isn't going to have an expensive divorce and custody battle. There's a way to say you don't approve without disowning your child.
Two days later, OP shared an update.
Everyone wanted update from the first post I made. Son was dismissive because he was hiding the fact that he got both girls pregnant. Turns out the GF was still in contact with him because of the pregnancy. The other girl is getting an abortion. GF forgave son for cheating. The GF and son are back together and keeping the baby. Wife is pissed.
She blocked my son on everything and she’s done with him completely. Wife says she doesn’t care if I talk to son or not but she doesn’t want to be involved in his life anymore and he’s basically dead to her.
The comments kept rolling in.
heartsgrowing wrote:
Ahh disown, not die on him. I was like whaaaaaaa...
TheDadThatGrills wrote:
Have a feeling this event is "the straw that broke the camels back" -or- Your son just became the kind of man that your wife despises due to some past experience.
Yallermysons wrote:
Yeaaah I need to know what the son was like before this one incident.
Double-Painter-4559 wrote:
Sounds like the side chick is way smarter than the GF. Keeping the baby and continuing the relationship with a cheater at this young age surely doesn't seem like the key to success, but what do I know?
9and3of4 wrote:
Since dad is so okay with the situation, it seems more than likely that mum has had personal experience with this.
Jinxy73 wrote:
Your boy has some serious issues. He is slinging it without protection, knocking multiple girls up and has no interest in owning the mistakes he is making. Your wife's actions are a little heavy handed but it sounds like the boy needs to learn a bit about consequences before it is too late. Maybe this is her way of setting some boundaries on a kid exhibiting toxic behaviour.
PureKitty97 wrote:
It doesn't seem heavy handed at all. This kid isn't going to be a father. If mom doesn't cut off contact she's going to be raising the grandbaby while being disrespected by her son at every turn.
Designer_Pepper7806 wrote:
I have a strong feeling this is going to end up causing problems in OP’s marriage. The son disrespects women and OP seems almost indifferent to that (he would deny his indifference but it shows). Instead of focusing on how he can get his son to act differently, he’s focusing on how to control his wife’s reaction. Son probably learned many of these s$%t behaviors from his dad.
Edit: I wanted to add that I’m a woman, and I noticed the two people above me in this thread have female avatars. Very interesting to see how different the responses to this are among men and women.
ComfortableSort7335 wrote:
I am a man, and the husband and the son are apparently trash, no need to defend them. The Mom is actually the big win here, i would be happy to have her as a wife with such strong morals. If the son took her more as a role model he wouldn't be so trashy.
Clearly the internet is divided on this one.