'AITA for calling my wife selfish because she hates that I save 15% of my pay for my sister?'
AITAH for calling my wife selfish because she wants me to stop putting in money to a savings account for my sibling?
DangerousInstances writes:
My wife (26F) and I (27M) have been married for 2 years and together for 5. We are childfree. Ever since I got my first major job at 21, I have been contributing 15% of my paycheck to a savings account.
I wanted to save up enough money to get a really nice functional prosthetic leg for my sister, who’s an amputee and lost her leg when she was 16. She had been using wheelchairs, crutches, and a cosmetic leg.
When my wife (then girlfriend) and I were serious about marriage, I told her that I had been contributing 15% of my paycheck to this savings account, and I would always do it for the rest of my life. My girlfriend told me she had no issues with it, and I was really happy about it. I proposed shortly after, and we then got married.
By last year, I had saved up enough money to buy the Ottobock C-Leg 4 Microprocessor knee, and also money for the physical therapy appointments. Basically, I didn’t want my sister to spend a dime. I let my sister know, and she felt extremely guilty about me spending this much money, but I insisted on it.
And to say that was money well spent is an understatement. My sister is now very comfortable walking, biking, dancing, she goes on hikes, and it just makes me very happy. She’s thanked me countless times over the past few months, and even cried many times. It’s the least I could do; I’ve always felt guilty that my sister lost her leg and not me.
My wife, however, has an issue with me still contributing to the savings account even after buying my sister the prosthetic leg. I’ve reminded my wife multiple times that I would contribute to this account forever, as long as I’m getting a paycheck. The parts might need replacement every few years, or even the entire prosthetic knee. My contributing to the savings account isn’t affecting the quality of our life.
Last night, my wife again brought up me contributing to this savings account, and that my sister was taking me for granted. When my wife said that, I lost my cool and called her extremely selfish and pathetic and then went and slept on the couch to cool myself down.
I’ve never called my wife selfish, and I felt guilty about it this morning. When I woke my wife up this morning, after seeing me, she started crying and apologized for what she said last night. I too apologized for calling her selfish. Was I the AH for calling my wife selfish?
Here are the top comments:
TeachLongJump1181 says:
How does this saving money have practical implications for your life and marriage? As in, Does this mean you don't have any other savings? Or your wife can't afford savings? Or it'll take more years to buy a house? Etc. What's the trade-off?
reads_to_much says:
Do you have an "oh s^#t" account for if anything happens in your married life? Like your wife is sick of hurt or your roof blows off, or is it only your siblings you save for. Your wife might be worried that if something unforseen happens in your lives together.
There will be no buffer financially. She should be saving into an rainy day account to... She also might be thinking of future kids and college funds and stuff like that and worrying you won't prioritise your kids because of your unfounded guilt for your sister. There are probably a lot of things she's thinking about that op hasn't, so they really need to talk about future finances.
RedneckDebutante says:
Yes, family is important. I've paid for my sister's 2 divorces and her custody battle, so I get it. But do you and your wife own a house, cars, take vacations, etc? Are you also saving for a family of your own and a future for you and your wife?
If you can say yes, you're saving for you and your wife and reaching your couple goals without struggling financially, then NTA. But if you're only saving for your sister and not for your future as a couple, then YTA. And why do you feel so guilty about your sister's amputation? It sounds like you feel responsible.
What do you think?