'My wife just stopped talking to me. I don’t know when it started, but now it’s just silence.' MAJOR UPDATE
"My wife just stopped talking to me. I don’t know when it started, but now it’s just silence."
It’s not like we had a big fight. There wasn’t even a clear moment. One day we were laughing over dinner, and now she barely says more than a few words to me in a day. No “good morning,” no “how was your day?” Nothing. Just... silence.
She still does everything around the house. Still takes care of the kids. Still shows up. But emotionally? It’s like I’m a ghost.
I asked if something was wrong. She said, “I’m just tired.” But this “tired” has lasted months.
I don’t cheat. I don’t lie. I work hard. I try. But I feel like I’m losing her and I don’t even know why.
Has anyone else experienced this? What did you do?
The internet did not hold back one bit.
ThrowawayQueen_52 wrote:
Try helping her without her asking or giving you step by step instructions. Try making dinner, picking up bath time, giving her a night off. Spend time 1:1 with her, if you can. Just start by showing her you’re willing to help lighten the load if she’s telling you she’s tired. She may start opening up a bit.
I do mean this in the nicest possible way: there’s no prize for “not cheating or lying.” This is the bare minimum for marriage. That’s like saying you should get a raise just for showing up to work. You wouldn’t expect that at work, so why do expect that from your marriage?
OP responded:
Wow, I didn’t realize how much I’ve been waiting to be told what to do instead of just stepping up. Thank you. That hit harder than expected, and I’m taking it seriously.
AnAmbitiousMann wrote:
"She still does everything around the house. Still takes care of the kids. I asked if something was wrong. She said, “I’m just tired.” But this “tired” has lasted months." No kidding? I wonder why. It's time to reevaluate everything my man or you will end up alone in your big empty house. Unless of course you want that.
OP responded:
You're absolutely right. Reading it from a stranger makes it hit different. I don't want to end up in that empty house you mentioned... I'm going to take action before it's too late. Thanks for the wake-up call.
Green_Neighborhood_8 wrote:
Likely, she's burned out, and she's seeing you as just another chore or inconvenience. Dont be a child and pull your weight around the house. Do dishes every time you see them in the sink before she asks or does them herself. Take out the trash, sweep/vacuum the floors. Do the laundry if you know how she likes it, and then fold and put it away.
Take care of the pets/kids without having to be asked. Just be a fully competent partner, and she will appreciate it. If you're just another chore, she can't talk to you as equals because she's probably irritated with you and doesn't want to fight about it anymore.
OP responded:
Damn...I think you nailed it. I never meant to be an extra burden, but I see how it ended up that way. I'm gonna try to be a better partner, not just someone who coexists. Thanks for the honesty.
Electrical_Hour_4329 wrote:
I had to make sure your user name wasn't my husband's bc I'm pretty sick of his shit and don't have the energy to even talk about it anymore. Do you seriously have no idea what triggered this or where underlying resentment could be coming from?
OP responded:
That stings, but I needed to hear it. No excuse for being clueless anymore. I'm gonna reflect hard and actually talk less about fixing it and just do the work. Thanks for being real with me.
Two days later, OP shared an update.
I showed my wife the post. We talked. Really talked.
We talked. She was overwhelmed I finally saw what i was missing. i'm stepping up, and there's hope again Thank you
I didn’t expect this post to get so much attention thank you all for your comments, stories, and honesty. I read many of them. And then I did something that felt terrifying at first: I shared the post with my wife. We sat together. In silence, at first. But then, for the first time in what felt like forever, we talked. Really talked.
She cried. She told me how heavy everything felt. That even though I wasn’t trying to hurt her, it felt like she was carrying the weight of two people all the time. Dishes, laundry, school drop-offs, doctor’s appointments, meal planning. The invisible labor that so many people in the comments mentioned — it was real, and she’d been drowning in it.
And I just…hadn’t seen it. Our kids are 8 and 6. They’re wonderful, but anyone with little ones knows how draining that phase of life can be. Add to that a partner who’s unknowingly been more of a roommate than a teammate, and yeah…the silence made sense. So I started small. I took over some of the chores without being asked. I made dinner last night.
I planned a fun weekend activity with the kids, just me and them. so she could have a real break. And next week, we’re all going on a little family adventure together. Something light. Something fun. Something healing. It’s going to take time. But for the first time in a long time, I feel hope. And I owe so much of that to you all. Thank you. Truly.
The internet was glad to hear the update.
Strong_Bridge9845 wrote:
I am so so so happy to read this update!! I tell you from experience that what you are doing is going to improve your marriage and your children's lives in a way you would never consider (even your intimate life).
Bravo to you for being mature enough to not only realize it but to improve it.
OP responded:
Thank you so much for this. Hearing from someone with experience means a lot. I really do hope this changes things for the better not just for my wife and me, but for our kids too. Your words give me strength.
vintage_misery_ wrote:
One of the main conclusions that can be drawn from these stories here is that people NEED to have a lot of honest conversations with each other. Most of the time it isn’t a lost cause. Congratulations on this breakthrough, I hope everything works out for you!
OP responded:
You're absolutely right honest conversations can be powerful. I never thought one simple post would lead to such an important shift in our relationship. Thank you for the encouragement and for believing it's never a lost cause.
BeautifulTerm3753 wrote:
What a wonderful update OP! I am so glad for you and your family. Well done to you for taking action and choosing to put in the work to make your marriage work. Most importantly making her feel seen, heard and wanting to share the load!
Wish you both the best.
OP responded:
That’s so kind of you to say. I really appreciate your words. I realized it’s not just about helping more it’s about making her feel seen and valued, like you said. Wishing you the best as well, and thank you again.