cupcaketoaster87 writes:
I (29M) have three kids. My oldest daughter will be 5 in April, my son is 3, and I have a newborn daughter who is 2 weeks old right now. My oldest (let's call her Alice) has always preferred me—she’s been a "daddy's girl" from the very beginning.
She was a bit jealous when her brother was born, but ultimately, she was too little to really understand, and it just kind of blew over. This time? Not so much! Ever since the baby came home, Alice has been attached to my side—literally and figuratively.
Monsters always seem to appear in her closet whenever I'm taking care of the baby, monsters that only I can "get rid of"—apparently, I'm magic that way. Alice wants to be carried everywhere and won't go to sleep unless I rock her in the rocking chair. One morning, when she woke up and saw me giving the baby a bottle, she got upset and tried to shove her way onto my lap.
I asked my wife for help with the situation. I explained that I don't want to be the bad cop every time Alice is clinging to me or demanding something (like the "carry me" tantrums), so I'd really appreciate it if she'd back me up—whether it’s giving a verbal warning or helping me remove Alice from my leg.
She got mad at me for this. She said that she’s already got a lot on her plate, doesn’t think she needs to get involved in this, and believes we don’t need to "make a fuss" over "a phase that's going to go away eventually." Apparently, she thinks I should just handle this myself for now. AITA for asking my wife to back up my parenting?
fostermonster555 says:
YTA. Your wife has a two week old new born this isn’t the same as you having a new born. New borns are hyper dependent on their mothers. Your wife is carrying 90% of the weight with the newborn. I agree with her. She has way too much on her plate. Handle this yourself.
algunarubia says:
NAH. While I get what you're saying, I don't actually think your wife giving her a verbal warning is going to help this situation. She's a daddy's girl, daddy is going to have to be clear on his own boundaries. What are the consequences when she tries to push her way onto your lap or other unwanted behavior?
She's definitely old enough for some kind of discipline method. Also, your wife is only 2 weeks post-partum, I don't think you can really expect her to physically pull off a 5-year-old at this time- it's really easy for her to strain herself in this period. You don't want her to get a hernia or open her stitches or get a prolapse, do you? If this is still a problem in a month, maybe she can help with physically handling her.
In the meantime, I think you need to emphasize your daughter's role as a proper "big sister" so she can feel like a big kid and you can talk about how only babies cry and scream for attention. If you emphasize to her that she's more grown up than the baby, she might take pride in that position and get less clingy. Try to have her help with the baby so she can feel like a big kid.
Difficult-Egg-9954 says:
Is Alice perhaps interested in having a “baby” of her own to do copy the things you do with the baby at the same time? Would it be possible to turn it into a play where you are showing her how to take care of her baby while taking care of yours? Her jealousy is normal as she feels she has competition for your attention as you now have another daughter.
Someunluckystuff says;
YTA. Your wife has just had a baby, and like you said she’s a daddy’s girl so she’s gonna listen to you. Yes you have to be the bad guy sometimes, it can’t always be your wife. Like you said it blew over last time, and it’s also expected as it’s another baby and a big change, she’s only a baby herself, it’s hard for her to understand.