'My wife turned down a dream job with a better schedule and higher salary. AITA for my reaction?'

"My wife turned down a dream job with a better schedule and higher salary. AITA?"

Background information. I am (30m) teacher, my wife (29f) a physical therapist. We have Two kids aged 3.5 and 2. Wife currently works at a non profit as a PT.

Last August she turned down a PT job at a local school district that would have paid her 30% more than she currently brings home, currently brings home 65k could’ve made 85k. Her current job gives two weeks vacation and covers part of her insurance premium. They do not offer any retirement matching. She currently works 40 hrs a week, Monday-Friday.

The school job would’ve covered her entire health insurance premium monthly and also offered a pension plan. The school jobs schedule would have been 8:30am-3pm Monday-Thursday. With holidays breaks and summers off just like a teachers schedule. She would have had all of the same breaks that I do as a teacher, I currently work at this same district that the job was at.

Long story short, she turned down that job because she claimed she wouldn’t enjoy that type of environment for doing PT work. Here’s the part I really struggle with: My wife is constantly stressed about working and juggling two kids, we are getting close to being financially able for her to work part time.

However, she is constantly negative and very critical of me and others. We have to walk on eggshells around her. Any time we have an argument about chores or other household duties, she immediately attacks me with “you have more time off so you should do them all”. I agree, I do have more time off. I probably do about 95% of the dishes and cleaning and 70% of the laundry.

I also do our finances and grocery store runs. I pick up the kids from daycare and drop them off frequently. Any time we get into an argument I really have to bite my tongue about her complaining about not having any free time, when she turned down that job, in my mind she forfeited the right to complain about not having free time. AITA?

The internet did not hold back one bit.

Aggressive_cup8452 wrote:

I don't see why you should bite your tongue. If she gets to complain then you also get to complain. Put this subject on the table and discuss it.. and complain about it. It sounds like you're already building some resentment due to her choice to work longer for less money. Don't let it fester. Would she have let you turn down that opportunity? NTA.

OP responded:

If I had turned down an offer like that, she would probably bring it up every day.

camus_is_absurd wrote:

INFO: Does she currently work with pediatric patients? Doing PT with children is a vastly different job than doing PT with adults. I have done both and I don’t know if I would take a job doing pediatric PT even with those benefits.

OP responded:

She worked pediatrics her first two years out of school.

Redditcreeper2801 wrote:

She claimed she wouldn't enjoy that type of environment for pt work. You have your answer. Why are you not accepting it? She doesn't want to work in that environment. I'm not understanding the problem, it's kinda her decision 🤷‍♀️ I think you have other issues you need to be focusing on in your marriage.

flyingponytail wrote:

ESH as OP sounds like an unreliable narrator. I'd like to hear her side of the story.

Logical-Answer-2183 wrote:

Working in a school is not for everyone, I would never ever want to work in a school and I would not want to work with kids, or dealing with their parents. IF you have such a manageable schedule and time for chores why are you having arguments. This isn't about her having a more manageable job it's about your home life and she just isn't admitting it to you yet.

gossamersilk wrote:

NAH. She can decide what job she enjoys. Sometimes we take a job that pays less, but is still comfortable, and more fulfilling. That is okay. It sounds like it's your dream of her job, but not her dream job that she turned down. The bigger issue is that you are doing the bulk of tasks at home and it sounds like you are feeling somewhat resentful and she's feeling burned out.

You need a bigger conversation. You both have a right to complain. Choosing one job over another doesn't mean you don't get to complain. But sometimes, complaining doesn't fix anything. In this case, you need to work together to figure out what each of you need to make this family work.

psychoskittles wrote:

NAH. I totally understand your frustration as a spouse. I’m also a school based employee and because of that schedule, the majority of childcare and the mental load around the house falls to me. It sucks. But I also see your wife’s point of view.

Being a school-based PT is more like a glorified secretary in some ways. You rarely get to provide direct treatment, unless you work with the preschool. The majority of your day is doesn’t driving between school sites to provide consultation for students who are pretty stable.

Most of the time it’s training paraprofessionals to help with using bathrooming equipment. You may have to order equipment here and there, but it’s not to the same depth as what you would do in a clinic. PTs spend more time in IEP meetings than working directly with the students. I don’t blame your wife for not wanting to do that.

shontsu wrote:

You don't mention WHY she turned down what sounds like a no-brainer, but I assume she had reason. Honestly though, I'm questioning if you wife likes you very much. Or if she's just miserable all the time?

We only get one side of the story, but this sounds like her regularly attacking you (verbally) while you avoid saying anything that might set her off. Doesn't really sound like a healthy dynamic.