'AITA? My wife is upset that I can't keep our toddler away from her.'
"AITA? My wife is upset that I can't keep our toddler away from her."
Some context here, wife is a full time student, I work full time, we have a 8-year-old and 2-year-old. My wife is upset with me as I cannot keep our toddler from her while she is studying upstairs in our room. I work 6am to 3pm, I pickup the children from daycare and school, and most nights handle all the routine including bed time while my wife studies.
The issue is that our 2-year-old will scream for mommy, she's creative enough to ask to use the potty upstairs, or get a toy from her room. Once she's upstairs she screams and bangs on mom's door until I peel her away. We live in Canada so taking them outside for hours as a distraction not currently a viable option.
The contention comes from the fact my wife could study at her mom's 5 minutes down the road, or remain on campus and study there but she chooses to always study at home.
I am stressed with the fact my toddler will constantly scream for my wife when she knows she is home, but when my wife isn't home she understands that and is much less fussy. AITA for telling my wife she needs to study away from the house when she's inaccessible? I need perspective please.
NOTE: I do have baby gates installed in all the junctions of the house, the only toilet in our house is upstairs beside the bedroom, and 2YO is in the process of potty training. Our house also has paper thin walls to the point you could hear a mouse fart upstairs if your downstairs. The sound of an office chair on the floor while my wife shifts her position can alert the 2 YO to her presence.
My wife does the morning routine with the children, feeds them, does the older child's lunch, gets them dropped off at school and daycare. I am on pickup, evening and night routine. We split night time wakeup so that's all fair and dandy. My wife also spends the time she can with them, but her program requires extensive study.
What I am trying to convey is that the demeanor of our 2 YO is miserable when she knows mom is home and cant access her. For the most part I do successfully keep her away from mom, but I also need to be able to access my upstairs, as does my 8 YO. The times my 2 YO does get through and bangs on the door/screams my wife gets very upset and comments it's a parenting skill issue.
I would love to be able and take the kids out for the entire evening but I am doing the cooking, the cleaning, and other associated house tasks for the most part as my partners program is extremely demanding. This isn't a complaint about the division of labor, she needs the time to study. However, I cannot be out and about for the entire evening as the household needs maintenance.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Mountain_Ferns said:
YTA. “The issue is that our 2 yo will scream for mommy, she is creative enough to ask to use the potty upstairs, or get a toy from her room. Once she is upstairs she screams and bangs on mom's door until I peel her away.” This makes it sound like you’re being manipulated and outsmarted by a toddler. You are the adult and the parent in this situation. Start acting like it.
avery_crudeman said:
YTA you think your wife should have to leave the house because you are being repeatedly tricked by a two year old.
Lost-Wedding-7620 said:
I am just imagining your wife "hey mom can I study over there? My 2 year old keeps outsmarting my husband."
embopbopbopdoowop said:
“She’s creative enough to ask to use the potty upstairs, or get a toy from her room.” You need to be parent enough to say no. Bring the potty downstairs. Bring her toy downstairs. Just say no. Or go with one of many other options that aren’t letting your child harass your wife while she’s attempting to study and then telling your wife it’s her fault for being home. YTA.
Deflated_Hypnotist said:
YTA. Stop letting her go upstairs alone, you're supposed to be watching her Stop letting her interrupt your wife because you think she should have to leave to make your bad parenting less of an issue.
Axiom713 said:
YTA - go get the toy yourself and stop letting her upstairs. Put a babygate on the stairs if needed.
Dreamghost11 said:
YTA. Dude, you're getting outsmarted by a 2 year old. You're an adult, she's 2, you can just pick her up and carry her downstairs.