'AITA for telling my wife that the birthday gift she gave me wasn’t actually for me?'
"AITA for telling my wife that the birthday gift she gave me wasn’t actually meant for me?"
We are a couple in our mid-30s, a typical middle-class household in the UK, committed to a frugal lifestyle since the beginning. We spend freely on food, reasonably priced options, and travel once a year.
We have no kids, and our ultimate goal is early retirement. We give each other birthday gifts from our separate bank accounts. Until now, the gifts have always been meant for the receiver, as they should be.
In general, we are against luxury products, but my wife has been wishing for a Dyson hair dryer for around three months. Two months ago, she hesitantly told me about it for the first time. I was mildly against it.
I did not say no, but I advised her to wait and think for seven to fifteen days before making the purchase. Whenever we have the urge to buy something unnecessary, we wait seven to fifteen days, and the wish is usually gone. It works most of the time.
She did not mention it again, and I forgot about it too. Yesterday was my birthday, and she gifted me that same hair dryer. Before making any assumptions, I took a couple of minutes to observe and think about why she did that.
I opened it, and after a ten-second glance, I handed it to her. That was my strategic move to observe her reaction in order to verify my assumptions. She immediately took it and very excitedly looked at it, feeling the touch and its smoothness.
Then I straightforwardly told her, “This gift is not actually for me, right?” This immediately spoiled her mood. She said, “Why would you say that?” After an awkward silence for a minute, she went to the bedroom and acted asleep.
Currently, it is the morning of 16 December here. The box is still lying on the sofa, and she has not touched it since then. Am I in the wrong here? A couple of important points: I have a full head of hair but very rarely use a hair dryer, maybe two to three times a year.
I always keep my hair short, around two inches. I am clearly not a fan of such grooming products. The previous hair dryer is working fine. We are originally from India, and I use Instagram, so I am aware that Dyson products are gaining popularity among women.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
RedRunner04 says:
NTA, but the way you talk about expenses, financial planning and how you “strategically” gauged her reaction gives me the impression you’re also emotionally very cold. Sounds like your wife feels a lot of guilt for wanting nicer things in general. Do look into why is that and whether it’s warranted at all.
AJSCRPT says:
This is literally so tacky. You have 2 inches of hair? You can dry that with a towel. Hell, stroll past the radiator and your hair will be dry. For her next birthday buy her some beard oil or something. NTA!
AcanthisittaPale1055 says:
Technically, NTA - you are right in thinking that this gift wasn’t for you. On the other hand, maybe you guys should set aside a budget for things/experiences that you don’t need but just…want? I know the importance of saving money, but you also aren’t going to live forever and there’s not much point having money if you won’t use it.
NAparentheses says:
NTA but if this is the first time she's done this maybe its because she doesn't feel she has the ability to ever treat herself; it fine to be frugal but people need to live a little.