'My wife's dad passed on Christmas in 2022. She doesn't let us celebrate Christmas since. AITA?'
"My wife's dad passed on Christmas in 2022. She doesn't let us celebrate Christmas since then."
My father-in-law died on 25 Dec 2022. Extremely sad, unfortunate, my wife has been taking therapy since then. Although we've two kids (currently 6F, 8F) we didn't celebrate 2023 & 2024 Christmas, because my wife wasn't ready. I respected that, didn't put lights or decos, just 2 pair of gifts for the kids.
Honestly speaking, me & our daughters didn't had a good bond with her dad, because he was terminally ill since years. Since his death, I'm doing everything to support my wife. There's not a single advice her therapist gave me which I didn't follow. Trips, gifts, taking over 60% of work, staying calm when she shouts, getting her positive books and pushing her to focus on her hobbies and what not.
Her therapist, since around a year, just says one thing, that my wife needs to push herself now. We can help her to a certain extent, she needs to make efforts herself. I was really excited for 2025 Christmas (mainly for kids, they kept asking us why we don't celebrate Christmas like x & y (their friends) which honestly drained my heart. I've been encouraging my wife too since October.
I was really expecting her to move on this time but again, she started behaving the same a week before Christmas and now, I was honestly fed up with her. For how many years are we gonna miss our family's Christmas, that too I call the best years, as our kids are of perfect age to celebrate it.
I asked her this in a straight tone, got no reply other than a moody behavior from her. This time I decided to prioritize our daughters' happiness and did the arrangements, decorations with them, while still trying to push my wife but she got highly irritated, upset as if why we're even celebrating.
Her behavior continued and I had a breaking point at some moment, I hold her shoulders and asked her in a high tone about till when is this going to last and why she's so keen to ruin the best time of our lives, she's upset like a very spoiled teenager always AITA here. Her siblings and even mom have moved on and celebrating Christmas fully since 2024.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Giantsfan1954 wrote:
That's so unfair to your girls! She's married with her own family & needs to put them first. You said he was terminal so it wasn't unexpected, sounds like an attention grab...oh poor me. If she keeps it up, do the Christmas thing with the kids, events, visit Santa,get a tree,single parents do it all the time.
OP responded:
Yeah trust me, even though she totally disturbed my mind, this time I did every single thing to celebrate Christmas for the girls. Sometimes I felt mixed on leaving my wife behind while visiting the local market with daughters, but I felt so liberated.
EquivalentBend9835 wrote:
I respectfully think your wife needs a new therapist. My dad passed away on my son’s 5th birthday. I never stopped celebrating my son’s birthday with love and joy. I never forgot my dad. My dad is gone, but my children are here.
Her dad isn’t here to care one way or another about what she does/grieves after he is gone. Put your children first. You might need to leave her so your children grow up with a healthy look at death.
SharonToo wrote:
I get that. My dad died just before Christmas, but we didn’t stop family Christmas. Instead we used the holiday to celebrate his life. We put some ornaments on the tree that come from my childhood. We talk about what Papa did for Christmas with his family. About how he made our Christmas special. It’s time to celebrate his memory, not the sadness.
Maybe ask her if she would rather spend Christmas week at a beach resort while you build memories with the children at home. They don’t deserve to be punished with her passive aggressive grief.
MyChoiceNotYours wrote:
NTA she's allowing her grief to ruin her marriage and punish her kids and that's not ok. In the last 12 years I've had five loved ones pass away around Christmas time either just before or just after.
Christmas is a very sad time for me but I don't let it effect those around me.
Do I go all out and put decorations up and stuff no but there's a Christmas tree and I made the effort to have nice food for my family and there were presents.
Your wife needs to stop punishing you and the kids and if she won't then you need to protect your kids and take them away from her because right now she's damaging them mentally and emotionally. You also deserve better. Grief is hard and cruel but that doesn't mean she should be the same.
Fluffy-Pancake2106 wrote:
We lost my granny two days ago. We're just trying to make the best of the day we can. And we don't even have little kids to do that for. Honestly it's cruel to take Christmas away from the children. Sometimes as adults we just have to use our coping mechanisms to do things we find challenging.
OP responded:
Extremely sorry for your loss 🙏
BriefHorror wrote:
I lost my dad last month I’m currently at a Christmas celebration your wife is being a dick to her kids. Everyone grieves differently but life doesn’t stop and joy is fleeting and needs to be cherished.