'AITA for banning my wife's family from my home after they did a loyalty test on me?'
"AITA for telling my wife’s family they’re not welcome at our house after they tried to 'test' my loyalty?"
No-Description-9170 writes:
I’ve been married to my wife (29F) for about a year, together for five. Everything’s been good overall, but her family is… intense. Very tight-knit, very in-your-business type people. I’ve always tried to be respectful, even when they’re kind of overbearing.
So a couple of weeks ago, her cousin (around 25F) starts texting me out of the blue. Just casual at first, like “Hey, how are you” kind of stuff. I thought it was a little odd, but whatever, we’ve all hung out before.
Then it gets weird. She starts complimenting me a lot, sending selfies (nothing explicit but definitely flirty), and then eventually straight-up says, “If you weren’t married, I’d totally go for you.” I shut it down immediately. I told her it was inappropriate, reminded her I’m married to her cousin, and asked her to stop messaging me.
I screenshotted everything and showed my wife. She was shocked at first… but then tells me it was a “loyalty test” her family came up with to make sure I’m “really in it for the long haul.” Like??? They literally had her cousin hit on me to see if I’d cheat??
I told her that was completely messed up, and I’m not okay with being tested like some kind of lab rat. She tried to defend it, saying “They’ve had bad experiences” and “They just want to protect me.” I said I don’t care, that’s not how adults treat other adults, and I’m not going to pretend like everything’s normal with them after that.
So when her parents invited us over for dinner last weekend, I said I wasn’t going. And I told her I don’t want any of them in our house right now either, not until they can acknowledge how out of line that was. She thinks I’m being dramatic and “starting a war over nothing.”
Now her mom and aunt are blowing up her phone, saying I’m trying to “drive a wedge” in the family and that I’m being cold and disrespectful. But honestly? I feel like they disrespected me first. Big time. So… AITA for banning her family from the house after they tried to trap me in some weird fake cheating scenario? Or am I overreacting?
The public has thoughts about this situation.
Dismal_Low9956 says:
Wasn’t this a trend on TikTok or Insta a while back? Totally messed up. I think the family are the ones driving a wedge by pulling this crap. Might be worth asking her how she’d feel if you did this to her? And everyone in your friend group ands family were in on it. I suspect her and the family would have a different tune if this was done to her. Suggest you both go to couples counselling on this.
Traditional-Trade795 says:
NTA - ignore them for a month and then tell them sike, just wanted to test how you'd react if you hurt my feelings. you failed.
AdAgitated8109 says:
NTA, they seem like a toxic bunch of immature idiots. The “test” was evidence of their poor judgement but doubling down to frame your perfectly reasonable reaction as problematic suggests there may be no recovering from it. Even worse, it sounds like your wife was in on it. If anything, I think you are under reacting, I would be considering separating.
Moontoya says:
NTA. "Hey since you allegedly tried to honeytrap me to test my fidelity and loyalty, at least, that's the story you're now spinning rather than cousin X trying to be a home wrecker - I decided, likewise, to test you in return, I got to say, you're all failing that test miserably."