Husband exposes SIL's infidelity, gets accused of being mentally unstable. AITA?
"My wife’s sister is cheating, and mow I’m the bad guy."
gorizzardly
My wife’s sister ‘30F’ (let’s call her B) is cheating on her husband ‘32M’ (M). B and M have a child together, but their relationship isn’t great. And for context, I’m not particularly close to M.
This all started when B began FaceTiming my wife (they live in different countries), telling her about this guy she’s been dating. When I first overheard this, it made me sick.
From September until last month, B would call every other day to share “the tea” with my wife—what they did, their secret rendezvous, and even intimate details about their relationship. To make matters worse, this guy is married with three kids. When my wife visited B, she told her to stop doing what shes doing!!!!
After that, B stopped confiding in her. Fast forward a few weeks ago: M called my wife, asking if she had heard from B because she had gone away for a weekend “girls-only”. engagement party.
She hadn’t picked up her phone for a day, and B had told M that the bride was one of my wife’s friends. My wife covered for B while on the phone, but I knew the truth—that B was in a hotel room with her affair partner while M was at home taking care of their kid.
At that point, I couldn’t take it anymore. I created an anonymous WhatsApp account and messaged M, giving him the basic details of what was going on. Long story short, M found out everything.
However after being enraged for a day, instead of addressing B’s behavior, she somehow manipulated M, and now they’re both coming after me. They’ve accused me of being mentally unstable, a drama-causer, and a horrible person. They’ve even told my wife to “watch out for me” and that she can never see B’s child (whom she adores).
To make matters worse, even their mother has sided with B, saying shes disgusted with me and that my wife should leave me. My wife hasn’t been the same with me since she found out I was the one who told M.
Her sister is polluting her head. I can’t be trusted apparently. I don't know. Was I in the wrong? Should I have swallowed the guilt of knowing and moved on? If I was in M’s place I would hate if someone knew and didnt tell me.
FYI (I kept telling my wife and her father to speak to M) they did nothing and B kept cheating.
Edit: They found out it was me because of the level of detail that I provided. B + M quickly realised it was me because apparently only my wife would know such details, and also the fact that I use British English and they are American… mistakes were made 🤦♂️
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
Your wife approved of and covered for someone who was cheating on her husband. That says a lot about her own moral character. Ask her why she believes it is ok for her sister to have an affair.
If she gives you any reasons in answer then those are the reasons she feels justify being unfaithful to you. You can no longer trust her family and she has to go a long way to show you can trust her.
It's crazy how the whole family is like that. The mother, the sister, his wife. He picked a bad family to marry into. Sorry your wife and in-laws are toxic OP.
If your wife is that ok with it than i would be worried that she has also cheated.
Sorry you married a woman and into a family with such low character. NTA.
NTA. You did what you thought was right by telling M, and honestly, I’d want to know if I were in his shoes too. B’s behavior is toxic, and the fact that she’s cheating with a married man makes it even worse, it’s affecting two families, not just hers.
Your wife and her family siding with B is a classic case of “shooting the messenger.” It’s easier for them to defame you than to deal with the truth about B’s actions. It’s especially disappointing that your wife hasn’t supported you, especially since you urged her to address this first.
You’re not wrong for struggling to sit silently while someone’s life gets destroyed by lies. Sure, anonymity can muddy things, but the core issue is B’s cheating, not how M found out.
Stay true to your values, and if your wife’s trust in you is shaken, maybe it’s time for a deeper conversation about honesty and accountability in your relationship. You don’t deserve to be the scapegoat for someone else’s mess.
Find a door and leave. NTA.
NTA, and if it were me, I would tell my wife you can go ahead and divorce me over this. As I wondering who I married. If it is this easy for you to cover for your sister and take her side, why would you not do it to me. So let’s get a divorce your morals are not where mine are.
I'm so confused. M confirmed that his wife was cheating and he's mad at you bc you told him the truth? Why?
gorizzardly (OP)
This is whats screwing my brain! B is a horribly narcissistic manipulative woman that’s for sure and M… i dont know… stupid?
NTA, but your wife’s pro-cheating, so she’s probably a cheater. Get tested for STDs, DNA test the kids if you have them, and dump her shady ass.
Instead of worrying about what they might think of you, you should worry about your wife covering for her sister. Your wife knows that her sister was cheating, but she prefers to support and cover up for her sister and not stay by your side.
Take your children and your things and find a place to stay. Tell your wife to stay with her slutty sister, her cuckold brother-in-law and her permissive mother-in-law.