"AITA for naming my kid the same thing as my cousin’s kid?"
My (30, f) cousin (35, f) “Megan” feels like she’s been trying to one-up me these last few years, and I decided I wasn’t having it. First, she picked the same wedding date as me but one year earlier. My now-husband and I started dating over a decade ago on a specific date.
Let’s say March 9th. We got engaged a few years later, also on March 9th. We told all of our wedding attendees (small wedding, so only family) that we’d be getting married on March 9th three years from our engagement date, which everyone, including Megan, said was adorable and meaningful.
Between my engagement and wedding, Megan met, got engaged, and got married to her now-husband. When they were picking the wedding date, they said they liked how meaningful our upcoming wedding date was and wanted to do something similar. But their engagement date wasn’t available at the venue they wanted, so they just chose the next date with the same digits.
For example, if they’d gotten engaged on 01/14 they might have chosen 04/11. Well, the next date that met those rules was March 9th, one year before our wedding. When they called to tell us, they lead with “we know it’s the same date as your wedding, but our special date just wasn’t available, and won’t it be fun to share an anniversary?
Plus, you can dedicate a dance to us at your wedding!” Whatever. We had the DJ call them out during the couples dance. Then, in between that and the next big event (see below), a few more small things happened that really made us scratch our heads. We sent thank you cards right after our wedding, and then they sent their thank you cards right after that (yes, a full year after their wedding).
We bought a new-to-us car, and they immediately bought a truly new car. Lots of things like that. Then the big event happened. Two years after the wedding, they found out they were pregnant with their first baby. We were all immensely happy for them and had a few celebrations throughout her pregnancy.
At the first one, early on, people asked what she’d name the baby. She said she wasn’t sure, and asked everyone what their dream baby names were. Everyone shared, and I told her my dream baby name was “Lina”, the middle name of my sister I’m incredibly close with. She said it was pretty but not to her taste. You can guess where this is going. When she announced the name of her baby, it was Lina.
To make a long story short, I ended up becoming pregnant in the last 6 months and have made it clear I will name my daughter Lina. Megan is irate, saying I’m ruining her daughter’s special name and connection to her aunt (my sister), and Megan’s mom is saying I’m going to ruin my own daughter’s life by setting her up to be...
...“Little Lina” or “the second Lina” and will always risk getting them confused. So AITA for naming my daughter what I wanted to name her? Am I really setting her up for a lifetime of derision?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
McflyThrowaway01 said:
NTA Actions have consequences. When you intentionally take the name that someone you are friends with or related to was going to use for their baby, you can't have a temper tantrum when that friend or family member still names their baby that name.
I'd email her in writing: "I am confused as to why you're so upset. Did you think I was going to give up my dream name because you used it? After all, I didn't change my wedding date when you took it. I still got married on my anniversary as planned after you knowingly chose my wedding date .You didn't seem to expect me to change my wedding date then...
I thought that this was our thing, you seek specific info about decisions regarding my big life events and then you quickly go do the same thing so you can do it before me. I mean I couldn't have been more accepting and respectful with all you have done.
Since we already have the same anniversary, it should be no big deal our daughter's have the same name. Maybe you should have thought about whether or not you were willing to chance me keeping the name i intended to use. Im not responsible for your feelings or decisions or the unintended consequences of them. Be well, xoxo."
BudgetLobster5639 said:
Why on earth did you tell her the real name you wanted to use?! You should have just given a random name.
MijnSnoeptje71 said:
STRAIGHT UP NTA....Name your beautiful baby ANYTHING you want! Plenty of families have shared names!
EchidnaFit8786 said:
NTA. But I don't understand why you haven't cut off Megan yet. Family or not, I'd have dropped her a long time ago. Please don't let your daughter grow up & deal with her cousin the way you've been dealing with Megan. Cut her loose now.
Onetuffkitten13 said:
ESH. My question is why didn't you just tell her Barbara or something instead of your actual dream name? I wouldn't name your daughter Lina.
Personal_Recipe_9122 said:
NTA. It sounds like your cousin is insecure and trying to be like you. You can either be annoyed with that or take it as a compliment. However, I also believe that she knew what she was doing when she asked what your dream name was.
She also knew what she was doing when she chose your date. I can't believe that was the only date available. Go ahead and name your baby Lina as you had planned. You had it first.
Villain-in-Training said:
ESH. Your cousin is without a doubt an AH in this situation, but right now you are trying to follow in her footsteps. You need to ask yourself, if your child will face resentment from your family, if you give her the name Lina. Whatever competition your cousin has started with you, let it be one sided. Both girls deserve better than to be involved in such petty BS.