Nanny teaches 3-year-old the definition of the word 'mistake.' AITA?

"AITA for teaching a 3-year-old the definition of the word 'mistake?'"

Every summer for the past couple of years I have worked different jobs as a summer nanny. When I stated nannying this past summer, I realized quickly that it would be unlike any other job I've had (why that is is for another discussion).

Any who, a few weeks ago, one of the kids had their birthday. Their mom asked me to make them a cake for their party because I have previous experience making cakes. While she was out running errands, I got started on the cake and I ended up burning it because the kids were fighting and I had to deal with that.

As I was cleaning up the mess from the burnt cake, the 3 y/o came up to me and asked why I as throwing the cake away to which I responded, "oh, it's because I made a mistake and burned it." He then asked, "what's a mistake?"

Seeing this as a valuable teaching moment, I said "A mistake is when you do something wrong by accident. Mistakes aren't a bad thing-- even grown ups like me make them! I actually think it is good to make mistakes, because you can learn from them! All you need to do is start over and try again." He was very content with that answer, and I didn't think anything about it.

When his mom got home, she yelled at me for burning the cake. She was LIVID! I don't understand why, especially because I offered to reimburse her for the wasted materials and stay late without pay to make a new cake, but she screamed at me nonetheless and said she'll make it herself.

Since then, the 3 y/o has been terrified of making mistakes. He won't do anything independently. She made me spend an hour each morning teaching him how to write, and one morning while he was refusing to write his name out of the fear of making a mistake, she stood up and screamed at the other kids and I.

She said "Who taught him what mistake means?! When I find out, I'm going to be pissed! This is going to ruin him!" I was shocked by her reaction, but once the initial fear wore off (the kids and I were terrified of her), I decided to own up to it because I didn't want the kids to get punished for it.

I calmly explained that it was me and told her exactly what I said, and she fired me. She didn't give me an explanation why, the only thing she said (after months of me working for them) was "I'll submit your last paystub". That's how I figured I was fired lol.

AITA for teaching him what a mistake is? I don't see why she fired me over that. He was perfectly fine until he saw her reaction to my mistake... I think that teaching him the word just gave him a word to put his fear to.

He saw how she reacted to me and he sees her screaming at his siblings daily (they have told me before that they can't stop doing something albeit homework, piano, violin, etc. until it is perfect) for mistakes they make, and that is what traumatized him. Please give me closure as to whether or not IATA! Let's just say I will never work as a nanny again. Kids are great, parents suck.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

kase_horizon said:

I'm gonna be blunt - you need to contact CPS/your country's equivalent. This kind of explosive anger and fearful reaction from the children is a big big "there is abuse happening" red flag.

inturnaround said:

NTA. She's an abusive parent and employer who misuses her position to keep her employees and children down. She wants things to be easy for her and when they're not, she blows up.

Instead of calmly reassuring her child that it's okay to make mistakes and that she would support them always, she is the kind of person who insists on perfection which is a standard literally no person can live up to. I'm sorry you got fired, but I'm fearful for these children.

JustheBean said:

NTA. You should have quit on the spot. There is no reason for your boss to be shouting at you. Unless a child is in imminent danger and she needs to get your attention because you’re physically closer and more able to intervene, she should never even be raising her voice at you.

Making a cake is not a part of your job, and I’d bet cold hard cash she did not pay you extra to do this. So she’s screaming at you for trying to do her a favor. And the child isn’t fearful because you explained what a mistake is.

Did she think her son would never learn what words mean? He’s fearful because he saw how she reacted, and he doesn’t want someone 20x his size with total control over him screaming at him for absolutely any reason. It’s petrifying to a child (ask me how I know).

Your boss is abusive and unprofessional toward you. As a fellow nanny, I know it hurts, but that’s his mother, and there is more nothing you can do to protect him from the effects of her. I’m glad you made the report.

Feeling-Manner-1330 said:

NTA wtf is wrong with that mom?! You did nothing wrong and that definition of "mistake" is perfect.

Intelligent_Arm_9241 said:

NTA. He's not scared of making a mistake. He's scared of his mother's reaction when people make mistakes. She fired you because she knows her son's fear is her fault.

Mayteana said:

NTA - what you said is exactly how the situation should have been handled with the child. I feel so bad for those poor children. They are going to grow up so dysfunctional with a mother like that.