Nanny catches employer cheating and tells his pregnant wife, 'I'll end up losing my job.' AITA?
"AITA for telling the woman that I nanny for that her husband is cheating on her?"
I (23F) have been a nanny for this wonderful family for 3 years now. The family consists of mom, I’ll call her A, dad, I’ll call him B, and their one child, I’ll call her C. I started when C was a month old, and at this point, they all feel like part of my family now, too.
I decided to stick with them even after graduating from college instead of immediately pursuing a teaching career, because I just love C so much. On top of that, they pay me really well!
Last weekend, I was out with my boyfriend getting dinner. To my surprise, I saw B at the restaurant as well, with a woman who was certainly not A. I tried to assume the best, thinking maybe it was a relative of his or something, but then he leaned over and kissed this woman. I was shocked and just told my boyfriend we should go somewhere else, and I pulled him out of there quick, because I did not want B to see me.
This happened Saturday of last week. I thought things through that night and over Sunday, and I really didn’t know what to do. A is expecting another child with B, and I tried putting myself in her shoes. I decided that, if it were me, I’d want to know that my husband was seeing another woman, so I told her on Monday morning.
B is never the one home in the morning when I show up, it’s always A. I walked in, took a deep breath, and just explained what I had seen. I was hoping maybe she’d tell me that their relationship was open, or they were already separating, but unfortunately, that’s not what happened.
She immediately got tears in her eyes and was just shaking her head in disbelief, and she kept asking me if I was SURE that I had seen him. I told her yes, and she left to work still crying.
When she got home later, she seemed pretty emotionless and was quite cold with me. I got a text later on that evening saying that her and C were going to stay with her parents for a week or two, and that she wouldn’t be needing me to nanny until they got back. I haven’t received any further communication from her.
I thought that I was right for telling her, but my mom and a few of my friends told me that I was wrong for sticking my nose in their business. My mom even said I’ll probably end up losing my job now, and I’ll admit, that has me very stressed out. Now I feel like an ahole who blew up a marriage and stressed a pregnant woman out. So, AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say:
Odd-West-7936 said:
No, but you might want to start that teaching career now. You did the right thing but you'll probably have to deal with fallout too. Sometimes doing the right thing has negative consequences, but you sound like a good person and keeping it to yourself would have negative consequences for your well being.
beltway_lefty said:
No, OP - NTA. Not at all. You ABSOLUTELY did the right thing, and for the right reasons. Her husband blew up the marriage, NOT you. You did NOT stick your nose in their business - he advertised his business in public, and you happened to see it. Thank goodness.
Can you imagine being pregnant with your second child, you have that child, then a few years later you have a mysterious STD, so it comes out your husband was a dirtbag cheater, and then you find out the nanny knew the whole time and didn't tell you?! No way - you were right to do what you did. It doesn't sound like he was even trying to hide it!
Yes, you may lose your job, especially if his income is significantly more than hers. She may not be able to afford it during and after divorce. So, don't assume there is anything personal involved there.
Give her the time she noted before getting too concerned, but my advice is to sign up to substitute teach in your area in the meantime - don't delay your future while you wait. Thank you for doing what you did. I wish someone would have done so for me back in the day.
AggravatingOkra1117 said:
NTA, you absolutely did the right thing. God forbid she got an STD that caused serious problems during pregnancy. She absolutely needed to know. I know it’s so, so hard for both of you in this situation, but you did made the right decision.
Jokester_316 said:
NTA. You didn't blow up that marriage. His infidelity did. I commend you for being brave enough to tell her the truth. I'm sure you have grown close to her over the past 3 years. You respect her far more than her husband.
It's always hard to hear that your spouse is cheating on you. As for the job situation. It might be time to go ahead and start looking for that teacher's position. Update your resume and get into the profession you got your education for.
scurfy-twiglet said:
NTA I was cheated on while pregnant and while it’s a different type of hell it’s always better to know sooner than later. Your family are aholes if they are shaming you. Or trying to protect that man. Always speak out on injustice.
akillerofjoy said:
NTA. The only TAs are those telling you otherwise. What you did was noble, and selfless. You were looking out for a fellow human being, because you couldn’t stand witnessing betrayal and staying silent, even if it could cost you your job. Thank you for being a good, decent person. I don’t think you realize how rare that is these days.