Narcissistic dad crashes daughter’s wedding, successfully walks her down aisle against her wishes. AITA?
"Narcissistic father hijacked the wedding."
My sister’s wedding was this weekend, and of course, our narcissistic father made it all about himself. We all have a strained relationship with him for a long list of reasons but here are some of his latest hits:
He stole from our college fund to buy a BMW. He took 2 of his daughters off his health insurance without even a heads-up (they only found out when they couldn’t pick up their medication).
He caused my youngest sister to not graduate by stalling payment until the due date and refusing to pay his portion of tuition per contract. He blocked my sister the week payment was due.
He has been dragging out a six-year divorce with our mom to bleed her dry (yep, it’s still ongoing. He opened a secret account years before they divorced and funneled money into that too. We have the cash withdrawal receipts, we just don’t know what account he deposited them into).
Leading up to the wedding, my sister had four separate conversations with him making it absolutely clear he was NOT walking her down the aisle. That role was reserved for our mom. She even went as far as telling his girlfriend to be sure the message got through.
The day of the wedding he refused to leave the bridal party and said, “It’s weird for a mother to walk her child down the aisle. I’ve never even heard of that before.” He forced his way in, insisted on walking her down the aisle, and ignored her wishes completely. He wouldn’t go sit with the guests like he was supposed to. My sister’s wife was furious but didn’t want to make a scene.
Later, during speeches, he wasn’t on the list to speak. Somehow he manipulated the MC into introducing him and gave a speech anyway. Everyone was confused and uncomfortable. His friends were the only ones clapping.
To top it all off, his table (consisting of mainly his close childhood friends with some family on his side) stayed glued to their table the entire event and only got up to grab food.
Meanwhile, the rest of us had a grand ol’ time dancing our asses off and laughing with our mom. I am so proud of how she has risen above his manipulation and games. My dad got what he wanted at the cost of all of his daughters, which I guess is no surprise considering that was never a steep cost for him.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
With all due respect, why was this trash man invited?!?!
wakeuptomorrow (OP)
No respect needed here. He is indeed trash. He threatened to not come after I shed some light on his behavior to his gf prior to the wedding. The bride was over it at that point. But he decided to come last minute.
Probably because his friends would be there and it would make him look bad if he didn’t show. My sister invited him out of courtesy before we knew the extent of his crimes. My mother kept things very close to the chest bc she wanted us to form our own opinions about him.
...no but seriously why was he even invited?
wakeuptomorrow (OP)
Out of courtesy. Many of these things didn’t come to light until weeks before the wedding. My mother didn’t want to tarnish his name and felt it was better for us to form our own opinions about him. He did threaten to not come to the wedding after I spilled the beans to his gf and she freaked out.
I get that you guys have all suffered greatly under this man, but the reason he continues to ruin all your lives is... because you let him. Seriously. Courtesy? Okay, but you chose this life.
wakeuptomorrow (OP)
Believe me I’ve tried to keep everyone in the loop. It’s the reason why both him and his gf are scared of me lol. He’s never had anything over me like he does with my sisters (college tuition for the youngest, his favoritism for our middle sister).
His gf actually went up to my mom and said something about me being aggressive, trying to insinuate that my mother “released the hounds” on her through me which was grossly untrue. I can’t control what other people do, only keep them informed. Rest assured though he put the final nail in the coffin for at least 3 of his daughters. The middle child is still holding onto hope but she is naive.
I’ve been told the definition of a narcissist is “they are the bride at every wedding, the corpse at every funeral”. Sounds like dear old Dad is fulfilling this prediction pretty predictably.
I really hate to say this but by not wanting to make a scene, or upset him any further, you all gave him the platform to be a raging AH on a day where there are no do overs. Trying to be nice is how you got here. How many times do you guys need to learn this lesson?
wakeuptomorrow (OP)
It wasn’t about not upsetting him. It was about keeping the day focused on the people that really mattered: my sister and her wife. His actions made him look like a fool as everyone at the wedding knows the history. This was his last hoorah and it was embarrassing for him. Everyone got to see in real time what a POS he is. 3 of the 4 daughters have cut him off entirely.
I feel like people who enable narcissistic people, like the drama. You get what you asked for.
wakeuptomorrow (OP)
Well that’s pretty rude. What about any of this says we’re enabling him? Because I didn’t make a big deal and blowup my sister’s wedding? Talk about victim blaming yeesh.